"Honey it's almost time."1
I tightened my tie and put out my cigarette in the sink, glaring at the smoke as it drifted against the cool metal.2
"Honey?"3
/as of noon today my daughter is officially dead/4
I turned the tap-water on and watched it swirl slowly down the drain thinking that this was my pain, my misery, my suffering, I was this girls father and if it hurt that she was dead it would hurt me the most and I wanted to suffer on my own time not some one Else's pre-ordained schedule.5
"Honey?"6
I slowly wiped the tears from my eyes and tried to cover up the traces of them, the smudges, and the emotion that came along with it.7
"Yes I'm coming."8
As I opened the door I realized that it was a damn good thing Molly was there because she was all that was holding me up.9
She did a damn good job for a long time but I guess even the best of tables break over time.10
Now I drink from the bottle, and cry myself to sleep, slowly sinking deeper into the ground.11
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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heart wrenching, painful
A parent should never know this pain, I closed my eyes as a wash of emotion crossed over, A haunting read. -
Shit ... I felt this way so much in the last two years I could just scream.. but funny no one would hear it. Ever feel that way? Like your a zombie and no one sees it? They wander on perfectly fine? Anyway I am rambling.. Forgive me.. This hurt my jaded heart..
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Wow. I love the way this was written. I could almost hear a voice speaking in my head, the father. Maybe a bit rough sounding, trying to cover up the tears he was holding back. This is a very well written piece with a heartbreaking story.
-x- -
Wow. It's painfully true to real life and so perfectly portrayed -it hurts. I know what it's like losing someone so close and trying to be okay, and this character you have as the father losing his girl is harsh. You did this great. Short but brought one of the hardest parts to your eyes being the focus of your write.
♥ Jen -
Excellent
Very much a write full of anguish and raw pain.You managed to convey it almost in a stoic fashion until the conclusion.Amazing imagery and you really know how to write you are a true writer in every sense of the word.Bravo my friend Helen
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Excellent poem, I like the structor of it it was different from the most but it worked very well with this piece. I found this story had a good start and was compelling. Very nice work.
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I thought that this was beautiful,
its so sad wiether it be that of
real or fake. Its short, but the
emotions in it are intense, I had a
friend die and her mother and father
went through this same situation. Well
maybe not the exact same, but still.
You did a wonderful job on this.
I hope to all the gods, that this isnt
true.
Muchlove
Crimson Suicide -
I found this to be a great start to a story,
Very heart compelling, leaving the reader to want more,
I also offer my prayers if this is a real life situation
and wish you peace,
FrozenTears -
Very good poem, it's structure is very different for a poem but I was intrigued and amazed by the vivid imagery that you managed to provoke. If this is true then I am very sorry for your loss, this was a good write regardless. Keep up with the awesome work!!!
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Fiction about human tragedy works best with dialogue. This looks to be a good beginning. how long writing stories?
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I really don't know what to say. If this is literal and you're daughter really has died, then I am so sorry and I hope that one day you find peace and hope once more. This was a very heart-wrenching read.
All my love
Julie
xXxXx
Edited on Aug 14, 6:26 p.m. because 'spelling error'.
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