The heat created a sort of melancholy in me as I dredged away from the dystopian office. Lack of hope plagued my existence. One day was the same as the next, and the usefulness of life came into question.1
Jerry's car was in the driveway. Strange he was never home before me. God, he probably was let go and was lazing on the couch with a beer and football. He hadn't even mowed the grass in two weeks. Like the world, it began to brown and came up around my ankles as I trudged through it.2
I nearly crashed into the door, half asleep. The kisses of angels splashed me in the face when I realized they had the air conditioner going full blast. I might have yelled at Jerry for wasting energy, but it felt too good at the moment to argue. 3
"Jerry? Why are you home? What's happened? Jerry?" My voice choked. I couldn't take much more trauma today.4
My foot slipped on what felt like plastic, then immediately stuck to the floor. "God Damnit!" I yelled as I knew I'd stepped on another child's toy. Why did they always leave them in front of the door?5
Then I looked down quizzically. It wasn't a toy, a trail of wrapped caramel, my favorite candy, led through the hall into the living room. I followed it and found a spotless room filled with flowers and smiles.6
My husband and children sat with serenity on the couch waiting my arrival dressed in their finest ensemble like a family portrait. A picture book set in my husband's lap as he read to them. 7
"What's all this?" I asked with a little bit of a laugh. I nearly expected him to tell me he blew up the kitchen.8
"Just a little show of appreciation." He shrugged then motioned the children forward. Like little fawns they tentatively approached me, each carrying a small gift; a bouquet of roses, a box of candy, and a jewelry box. I took them and the kisses they offered gratefully.9
"Jerry?" I asked him skeptically.10
He stood and approached me. He looked deep into my eyes then breathed, "You are my galaxy." He kissed me indolently. My heart lightened and he held onto me as if we had all day.11
We did until the kids came running back into the room. "Mommy, mommy! Look what we made!"12
I took the card from them. The crayon drawn picture of parents and three little kids waved at me from the front of it. Inside a pressed wildflower covered the sloppy words, "Happy 10th anniversary Mommy," in smaller, hardly legible letters read, "and Daddy."13
"I completely forgot," I gasped. "I'm so sorry, honey."14
"I know you've been busy, so I thought I would make it extra special." He squeezed my hand. "Besides, you can make it up to me tonight."15
Somehow I gained my second wind and didn't feel so tired anymore. I smiled at him knowingly and with appreciation.16
He cleared his throat. "It was all their idea." He winked at Tori. "They idolize you," he said in my ear giving me goose bumps, "so do I." He kissed me on the cheek.17
"Sissy and I helped make dinner!" Tori hefted Sissy up onto her shoulder.18
"And I made cookies." Cameron sniffled and wiped his nose leaving a trail of flour behind. Obviously his cleanup was a rush job.19
I laughed and fought the tears coming out of my eyes. 20
"What did you want to talk to me about?" Jerry asked as he led me towards the candlelit dining room. An exquisite professional looking setting greeted me. 21
As he sat me at the head of the table and Tori placed a bowl of lovely soup before me, Sissy came over and crawled in my lap. "Nothing, dear, nothing at all."
Author notes
written for contest; Word Bank Contest WIN a GOLD membership for one month! by Kari
used words
Heat, melancholy, crashed, galaxy, trauma, fawn, idolize, candy, motion, and serenity
Bonus words
Dystopian, indolently
for contest; A Slice of Life by oboefreak.
favorite candy: the kind E.T. likes. 
In a list
A contest entry
- Word Bank Contest WIN a GOLD membership for one month! by Kari.
750 points, ended July 2, 16 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - ANYTHING GOES! LETS SEE HOW MANY ENTRIES WE CAN GET!!! by Marisalyn13.
100 points, ended November 15, 117 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Omg new contest ! by CeliaBby.
175 points, ended August 1, 30 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - I am SO sick of sad stories. by Everpurple.
100 points, ended July 21, 31 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - A Slice of Life by oboefreak.
400 points, ended September 5, 8 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Anything but please nothing stupid!!! by Sheilasbabygal4life.
325 points, ended September 17, 78 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Give me life! by slyly annonymous.
350 points, ends December 3, 36 entries
• next story in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
Any critique will be useful.
Comments
1 - 22 of 22
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Par. 2- It should be "he was probably let go and was..." You changed tenses.
I'm not sure of what you mean in the last sentence of par. 2. Do you mean the world was turning brown? If so, there should be a comma after "world."
I understand that you were writing for a contest, but the words like galaxy, serenity, and dystopian stuck out as odd to me. It just seemed like you were trying to force those words into the sentences and they don't fit well.
Other than those things, I liked the idea
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Nicely written and very enjoyable to read. I liked this one. Thanks for entering and best of luck to you in the contest!
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This was so sweet; the characters you described in such a short story all seemed very real. I was also expecting something sad, and it was so refreshing that it turned out to be a happy story in the end. Thank you for entering
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Thanks, I'm glad I could make you smile.
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Oh wow, what a lovely surprise! I read the beginning and was expecting something very depressing, but instead I got to read this beautiful gem of a family story. This was extremely cute and made me feel warm and fuzzy on the inside. There were parts of this that made me smile and laugh out loud.
Thank you so much, and good luck in the contest!
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And thank you for the comment and applause.
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Wow...that is really cute. Usually it is the man who forgets the anniversary. A very nice man. I wish I could find a man like that.
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That was so awesome! you made me smile! Amazing job!
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Really nice story, very unexpected! I liked the way you described her feelings, its a very realistic story too, something I can easily identify with. Nice Job, keep up the good work!
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That was clearly one of the sweetest stories I Have ever read. It brought tears to my eyes..
As a wife and mother I totaly understand and have had moments like these.. You definatly cheris them and it takes you through... I LOVED THIS STORY!!!!!!
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Thanks. You should see the smile on my face right now. I'm glad I could bring one to you as well.
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WOW!
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Awesome job on the wordbank! The only thing I might suggest is for the red flowers to be on the side, and have a plain white background for the main, and black text on the white background but other then that you did great!
Thanks for your entry,
Kari -
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Ah, I forgot you wanted plain backgrounds, sorry force of habit, I'll fix it.
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First things first. I love the backround! This is a cute romantic story, this was really nice. I
it!
~Bring Me To Life~
You've been selected to join the finalists list!
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It's a sweet story. Not something i would usually read and never write but, it was well written and a pleasure to read.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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yeah, I don't normally either, but I've been needing something uplifting lately. Thanks for reading and commenting.
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Wow , this is really very happy, sweet and romantic story for me. romantic because showing care to your spouse is most romantic thing for me..once again you created a story matching to your personality....happy and sweet.
Good job dear, and good luck
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Thanks dear, I'm happy you liked it.
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Aw, that was really cute! I loved it.
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This was a lovely little story-scene. I enjoyed reading it, but was thrown off by the awkward lack of punctuation in some areas. I suggest you read it over aloud and see where you can put in or remove a comma to help ease the flow of your story.
Thanks for sharing this piece, and good luck in the contest!
~Sparrow
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Thanks, commas are my weakness, I thought I caught all the places I missed them but I guess not.
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