Internal Monologue: Happy Hunting

It seems I do all my writing in the same fashion nowadays, darkened room, smoke in one hand, coffee in the other, thousands of thoughts screaming in the back of my head to have their voices heard, one rational (if you could call it that) voice in the front, screaming for silence...none ever get their way.1

2

It's 3a.m, I'm pensive, always am can't ever switch it off, and my body as of late is becoming awkward, it seems to be rejecting it's host, that is to say it seems to no longer desire my presence within it, and is doing it's best to push me out, I'm starting to wonder exactly how far it will go to ensure my exit...it'll kill us both if it's not careful.3

4

One cigggie out, and I reach for a second.5

6

I'm learning a lot about myself, and at the same time, nothing. I long to be the lone wolf of the pack, to pull it off successfully, I'm trying to master a defence mechanism that is so opposite of the person I am that I might as well be pissing in the wind, i'll never hit my target.7

8

"Shall I leave you be?" A question posed out of no where in my own head... No, don't but seeing as your in a giving mood, how about you answer me a question? Who the fuck are you, and why are you here? This would be the part where I sigh and say "No...I don't want to be alone, I just wish to stop fighting myself".... Oh, now I know who you are. 9

10

You know what's the strangest thing? When you lose, when you enter a situation that you could never win and you did it anyway because some strange compulsion within you decided that you needed to do this, and by bowing out, you lose, by not bowing out you lose, in fact you realise very quickly you were never gonna bloody win. Be selfish and happy? Selfless and unhappy? There's no such thing as a happy fucking medium I'm starting to understand.11

12

I recently discovered, I have a mask for every occassion, a persona to affiliate to every second party, and while they are all essentially a part of me, a reflection of something inside, it's leading to the thought of...what is the complete me? What is the whole me? Who am I? Or am I nothing more than a puppet master, controlling a collective of entities that in some mannerism encompass "me"?13

14

And people wonder why I don't sleep...15

16

Perhaps I shall pen again tomorrow.17

18

Mr.E19

20

21

22

23

24

25

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have 0. (?) (Line numbers)
    Ratings:

Comments