Opposites


                                  Opposites1



      Her long, slender fingers fluttered restlessly over the tentative countenance of the injured man sprawled helplessly on the ground. Shimmering red dust collected in his hair and coated his entire body. The scientist lay immobile, rigidly marked by fear, a maroon corpse amid a desert of velvety sanguine sand dunes. Night hung heavy above him, the pristine cluster of stars and swirling galaxies stretched out across the red landscape's expanse. Gemma, hovering above, studied her human captive inquisitively, taking into account his earthly features.2

      "Please, stay away!" he rasped, swatting away the creature's probing hands. The foreign planet's environment shared the same moon as Earth, but it was relatively dark, so the man couldn't perceive the alien's features entirely. What he did notice, though, was a pair of striking upturned violet eyes boring into his frightened ones. Gemma poked and prodded at the helpless scientist's features, pulling his eyelids back to get a better view of his dark irises. Being a native of this land, she'd accustomed herself to the darkness through nocturnal vision, and she instantly registered that this divine creature was a thing of beauty.3

      She gasped at the sheer handsomeness of this strange being held in her grasp. She'd witnessed the trespasser's vessel descending on their territory from outer-space, spied the dozen of interlopers testing their surroundings, breathing the air they were amazed had existed. Instinct told her to follow the brave one straying a couple hundred yards away from the landing site. He had twisted his ankle in the thick sand and landed hard on his back in an attempt to get a better view of his surroundings, to see if he could spot his landed shuttle from where he stood. Before the crippled man could protest, Gemma casually lifted his entire 170 pound frame over her petite shoulders with surprising strength, and proceeded down the incline towards her homeland. 4

      The scientist let out a defeated cry. "Don't kill me...I mean no harm."5

      "Don't panic. Stay calm," came the soft-spoken voice from the alien predator.6

      To his ears, it sounded like, "Vee nikum. Ung stai." Her native tongue was not conducive to his English-speaking one. While Gemma tread gracefully through the sand, the captive wondered if he'd ever see his crew again. He hoped they wouldn't leave within the four days they'd planned to stay and research. Then again, it would be best for his crew to abort their mission immediately. After all, he'd probably not come out of this alien encounter alive, and wouldn't want the rest of his colleagues to suffer the same fate as he.7

      After some time, bright, silvery lights appeared, blinding the scientist's vision and alighting the neighboring landscape. As the exotic being boarded the massive spaceship, the man began to scream in protest, his voice going hoarse from his pleas. When he became drained and mustering even a syllable became a challenge, he found himself disoriented, before fainting against Gemma's agile shoulders. When he awoke, he was met with an assemblage of scrutinizing gazes, all holding the same color of onyx. His eyes widened in terror as he took in the scene. Aliens.8

      One curious observer tried to grab his prominent nose, seemingly enraptured with it's shape. Instantly, the scientist scuttled back against a wall, using the palms of his hands and the soles of his feet to maneuver himself. A sharp, twisting pain shot up his ankle to his lower back, and he let out a fierce howl. "Aahh," he cried, grimacing and gritting his teeth. 9

      "He's hurt. Should we heal him?" A feminine-looking creature emerged from the crowd of onlookers, winding her way through the figures.10

      The scientist met those soulful violet eyes, and his first impression of this creature quickly faded away. The alien was undoubtedly female, with the anatomy of a human woman. Though her salmon-complected skin held a reflective sheen of silver-like sediments embedded from within, she had a pair of nubile breasts, and a mound where it should be, the scientist noticed. The peculiar creature's neck was unnaturally elongated; a set of antennae adorned her pea-shaped head. She had no hair, save for a pair of thin, bleach-white eyebrows and sharp cheekbones, of which a sprinkling of lavender-pinkish freckles resided. She bore no bone cartilage for a nose, only two small dots as nostrils. 11

      The apprehensive scientist froze, swallowed hard. Gemma's physical attributes were astounding to him and he studied her with an open, childlike curiosity. As the feline creature neared, he felt his pulse increase, and when she knelt just inches away from where he sat huddled against the wall, his breathing hitched. She stretched her neck, swallowing the distance between them, so that there was only an inch of space left. Intimidating as they were, the remaining aliens--all males who bore the same resemblance of wide eyes and antennae-adorned heads--gathered closely around Gemma, offering little sympathy to the subject in question.12

      Gemma let her inquisitive gaze roam over the hard angles of the scientist's face, the broad ridge of his nose, the slight stubble of his five o'clock shadow, before lingering on the soft, pink fullness of his mouth. Moisture rimmed her otherworldly eyes, and she cocked her head sideways as if this angle might bring more clarity on the subject at hand. Under her impenetrable gaze, the scientist burned with embarrassment, pushing his aching back into the wall for some kind of reprieve. He clenched his trembling hands, and searched within himself for composure.13

      An impatient grunt came from one of her people to her back, caused her to snap out of her trance. She lowered her eyes and bit her lip shamefully, momentarily hoping that it wasn't obvious how vulnerable she'd become while observing the man before her. To make up for her lapse in her intended approach, she snapped, "What is your name, Alien?!" 14

      The scientist started to shake his head, eyes anxiously darting to the group of extraterrestrials, then back to her. "I-I d-don't understand." He held his breath.15

      Gemma softened her frown, but kept her interrogating tone. "Do you not understand me?"16

      Releasing strangled breaths, he replied, "I am not familiar with your language," unaware of what she'd just asked of him. His eyes were large with fright, wonder. A dark mole rested just above his eyebrow, Gemma noticed, and it struck her as something remarkable. With a fixed stare, she let her hand grace the beauty mark, and when she grazed his face, he flinched and jerked his body back into the wall, ignoring the pain searing up his back. Gemma's fingertips burned with electricity, and she instantly wanted to touch him again. She did, and he smacked her hand away.17

      If his previous actions caused little to no response from this audience, his latest action certainly caused an uproar, and he found himself struggling with three tough-looking male aliens. "To the holding cell!" one fiercely shouted, and all around him was the heated tyranny of an alien race spitting out biting remarks in their barbaric tongue. The spindly guards jerked him up and chained him, despite his protestations.18

      "Wait, no!" cried Gemma suddenly. "Don't hurt him. He was only frightened."19

      Her male counterparts pushed her aside, as they dragged the screaming man to the prison chamber. Gemma tried to follow, but the others in her community held her back. "He shall be put to death by black hole," came a malicious whisper in her ear. "To inflict danger upon our princess, that is a punishable crime!" came another. Gemma cringed, dread washing over her the way the pitch-black washes over her red planet.20

      Put to death, she thought, by black hole. A most gruesome way to die. She couldn't bear to think about it, and yet, she couldn't help but envision the poor creature she'd dragged here being stretched and pulled by the black hole's tidal forces, before his heart could even stop beating. Instantaneously, she knew what she must do, felt compelled by this sense of heroism rapidly building up inside her. I'll visit the prisoner later tonight and go from there, she thought decidedly. Her mind was made up.21

      Late in the night, a few hours after that fateful incident had occurred, Gemma found herself creeping down the narrow corridor of the prisoner holdings, prison cell pods on either side of her holding the condemned. She wasn't worried about witnesses, for the prisoners were gagged and wouldn't be able to snitch, and besides, she wore a cloak that hid her identity. She came upon his pod, and taking one last look over her shoulder, unlocked the cell. She scanned the cramped space, spotting him huddled in the corner fast asleep and looking beyond exhausted. Without hesitating, Gemma moved over him, her presence causing him to shoot open his eyes, and she came to the realization that he was never really asleep. Before he could reject her, she cupped his mouth, silencing him.22

      "I've come to release you," she stated, hoping he would oblige. What he heard sounded like gibberish: "Bay mee vorai relesi."23

      The prisoner squirmed beneath her, frowning. "Please," she continued. "Don't scream. I am to reunite you with your kind."24

      The pleading look in Gemma's eyes made the weak scientist surrender. He realized she would not harm him. Rolling off him, she crouched low and motioned him to do the same; he obeyed. She grabbed his hand and led him out of the pod, him obediently following after her hasty steps down the lengthy corridor. "Come," she said, gesturing with her hand for him to follow when they reached a secret rear exit of the massive dome-like spaceship, knowing he couldn't understand, but hoping he got the message in her actions. He eyed her gratefully, then released a breath that felt like he'd been holding in forever, before exiting the ship out onto the red landscape. 25

      Gemma hurriedly led him through the dark, past sand boulders and various odd-shaped plants, out of the searching lights of the spaceship. The freed prisoner marveled at the life growing on this planet, and the scientist in him would've loved to explore and examine this desert plain. The black firmament above hovered over the two figures treading across the vast blanket of red as their only witness. It seemed like they traveled for miles before reaching a hidden cave amongst the heavy sand.26

      "Go," she demanded, guiding him inside the dark space.27

      "What?", he said, looking confused, uncertain.28

      Gemma pushed him rudely. "Go. Now!"29

      He got the message and entered the cave. Surprisingly, it was cool and moist inside. "I don't understand," he said to her, "Why am I here? My shuttle will be deploying in less than four days."30

      "I know," she snapped, annoyed and anxious. "We have to hide out here for a while. If my people catch us on foot, we're both dead." To him, the gibberish was maddening. He shook his head irritably and pushed his fingers through his hair in frustration.31

      "Camp out," she commanded.32

      "Huh?"33

      She patted the ground for emphasis and lay down, cradling her head on her folded arms. "Hati pree." He registered what she was implying and, with a sigh of resignation, lay on the damp ground several feet across from her. If camping out was intended for sleeping, neither did such. Gemma was curious about the strange man, and he, likewise. Absently, she introduced herself. "Mun numi ez Gemma."34

      The scientist cocked his head, and the moisture of his eyes glinted in the surrounding darkness. "Come again?"35

      This time, she pointed her index finger to her chest, and said slowly, "Gemma." Then pointed towards him and said, "What do you go by?"36

      Translating her actions, he understood and replied, "Gabriel. Gabe for short."37

      Gemma let the name roll over her tongue, sounding out the consonants. "Gabriel....Gabe," she sang. "I like it!" Then she smiled widely, her exotic face glowing with warmth. Right now she was nakedly vulnerable, unconsciously unaware of the affection she was showing in regards to the scientist. Her antennae began to glow bright pink, Gabriel noticed. It was amazing to him, this strange creature with her feminine anatomy, and her pinkish glowing skin.38

      "Exactly. You have it right." He looked on astonishedly, possibilities swarming in his head. Perhaps, if he made it out of this desert land alive, he'd coax her into boarding his shuttle. Take her to Earth and let all of the spectators watch her behind glass like some weird specimen, and he'd be rich, a millionaire for his discovery! But following that thought, he realized how vain it was. This peculiar being had rescued him from his imprisonment--though it was her fault he ended up there in the first place--brought him to this temporary dwelling, until it was safe to travel on foot again, in hopes she'd be able to release him to his worried crew in time; he sensed this was her plan, he could tell by looking into her eyes, which he was doing now.39

      Gemma could not stop smiling, and her antennae glowed continuously. It was her way of blushing. But that soon vanished when she thought of completing this risky mission. Gabriel would not be with her in the end result, and she now realized that she'd want him to be. And what would her community think of this, betraying her own kind to save this....this alien? That was already thought through; they'd relinquish her title as princess and sentence her to death by black hole. She knew that, accepted it.40

      Gabriel realized the change in mood--first of all, the bright color of her antennae dimmed and her strangely beautiful face contorted into a sad, thoughtful expression. He sat up, suddenly compelled to console whatever was now bothering her. "What's the matter? Will I not get back to base safely?"41

      Gemma tucked her head in her arms, completely shielding her face. A high-pitched, muffled sound emitted from her. Forgetting boundaries, Gabriel crossed over to her side and, hesitantly, placed a hand on her heaving shoulder. Gemma was crying, he confirmed. He put two and two together.42

"Please, it's okay. Don't worry about me. I appreciate everything you've done for me, and whatever happens hereafter, I'll always be indebted to you, Gemma."43

      When he said her name, she felt a lovely warm sensation pool low in her stomach. The emotions were gathering up so intensely, that she threw inhibition aside and caught him off-guard when she spontaneously embraced him, pressing her heated body into his. Gabriel paused for a moment, before returning the gesture, wrapping his arms tightly around her cloaked body. When she pulled away, her face was streaked with tears, eyes glowing supernaturally. What happened next was unexplainable, neither could have predicted the action that brought their faces closer, until their heated breathing were conjoined, until their lips brushed gently against the other.44

      Gabriel pressed his mouth against Gemma's, inhaling her wonderful scent, and with his tongue, pushed through the opening of her mouth, lacing his over hers and tasting her sweet taste. This was foreign to Gemma, who never knew the act of kissing existed. Her race certainly didn't show that sort of affection. The act was strange, but sensual. As the kiss progressed into something feral, Gabriel's hands slipping to the small of her back and pressing her impossibly further into him, a blaring light filtered into the cave, pin-pointing the two locked in a passionate embrace.45

      Gemma and Gabriel were jolted apart by a militia of vicious aliens, and forcefully dragged out of their hiding place, kicking and screaming.
"A betrayer of our kind! For what? This beast!" roared a very hostile one, his nostrils flaring. He spat on the princess and gripped her antennae, seemingly wanting to pull it out of her scalp. She yelped in wretched pain, clawing at her kind.46


      "No!" screamed Gabriel, trapped in a headlock by an aggressive alien. "Leave her alone, it's me you want!"47

      "You're next," grunted the commander, affecting a malignant scowl.48

      The commander then gripped Gemma's chin, squeezing as if to break her jaw, and yanked her face close to his. "Silly emotions are your downfall, princess," he snarled, baring his yellow disfigured teeth. He snapped a command and within seconds, two silver almond-shaped contraptions the size of a canoe appeared on the red sand before him. "Now," he drawled menacingly, "I'm disheartened at your unsound decisions..." He nodded his head in Gabriel's direction. "...But you've sealed your fate. And that despicable creature over there, he'll join you. Death by black hole!" 49

      Gemma grimaced, tears rapidly spilling down her face. She failed. Gabriel was going to die. And she? She would join him. "Please, it's my fault. Let him go. I forced him here." Though he couldn't comprehend what she was saying, Gabriel somehow knew that Gemma was negotiating her life to save his. He cringed involuntarily.50

      "It is done," sneered the commander. "Proceed!" he blared out to his group. Gabriel didn't quite know what was going on, but he assumed that he would be put to death. How? That was a mystery, but when the aliens stuffed them into the almond-shaped rockets, he gulped back vomit, and at that moment, Gabriel reached over and grabbed Gemma's hand. 51

      "What's happening?" he cried, suddenly feeling nauseous. 52

      Gemma closed her eyes and swallowed back a sob. "Gabriel," was all she said. Their grasp was broken and the top of the rockets were closed down upon them and securely locked. Gabriel instantly felt claustrophobic, the front and side windows to his rocket did little to quell that sensation. Breathing heavily, he snapped his head to the side window, and stared into the frightened eyes of Gemma, also trapped in her rocket.53

      An abrupt sound came from the rear of his rocket, and then Gemma's sounded. The rockets began to vibrate, initiating lift-off. In a matter of minutes, Gabriel could feel his rocket shoot through the dark sky, and clenched his teeth and squeezed his eyes shut as his stomach dropped. He couldn't move, was too afraid to, lying face up in his cramped capsule. Just when he thought he might pass out from the sheer force, the vibration ceased and the silence was terrifying. The rocket transitioned into a smooth glide. Gabriel dared to open his eyes, deeply breathing in the oxygen afforded by his small capsule.54

      What he saw in front of him, left him aghast. He cringed. Outer-space lay stretched out before him, black and speckled with stars and rock debris. He glanced out his side window and saw Gemma's twin rocket not far from his. He saw her face staring back into his, a fixed gaze that was so intense, it was haunting. Looking into those eyes, he saw the sorrow, the shame. Putting his palm against the window, he whispered, "It's okay."55

      Gemma smiled sadly, having full knowledge of the inevitable danger awaiting them. It was only a matter of seconds before the disaster would strike. Mimicking Gabriel, she pressed her hand against her rocket's window and returned, "I love you, farewell," in her native tongue, and miraculously, Gabriel understood exactly what she said. 56

      "I love you, too, Gemma."57

       By now, their rockets were systematically turned off and coasting into the star-littered blackness. What they didn't feel, was the gravitational pull of their death sentence, the black hole. The rockets were in free fall, and they were being pulled in the direction of the black hole, so the effect made Gemma and Gabriel feel weightless. Nothing could be felt at first, but soon Gabriel's toes began to ache, but he ignored the strange pain, keeping his focus on Gemma. Gabriel didn't know this, though Gemma did, that they were getting closer and closer to the center of the hole and the tidal gravitational forces that would increase their pain. 58

      A strong sensation pulled once more at Gabriel's feet, and he screamed in horror when he looked ahead of him and saw that his skin was being stretched like chewing gum. Their rocket pods had crossed the Event Horizon, and within 600,000 kilometers of the center, the black hole's tidal forces were getting more noticeable by the second. There was no sign of anything even remotely dangerous ahead of them, but danger was looming nonetheless, seven deadly seconds away. 59

      It'd taken only eight minutes for them to reach the Event Horizon, and the million-solar-mass black hole was an impending incident waiting to happen. Gabriel breathed hard and looked, for the very last time, over at Gemma. He could tell by the tight grimace on her face she was in immense pain. A second had gone by, then two, then three. Four more seconds until obliteration. Gabriel's eyes watered and he heaved a sob, pressing his face to the side window, wishing he could soothe Gemma.60

      But it was too late, because when the seventh second struck like a fierce claw delving into taut flesh, a blinding pain soured through every particle, every muscle, tendon, and blood cell of his anatomy, painfully gripping his internal organs and brain cells, stretching them beyond unimaginable circumstances. Gabriel had hit the singularity, the center of the black hole. Every part of his physical being ached, and he was numb just as fast as when he'd first felt the pain. It felt as though a heavy weight was pressing against every part of his body, weighing down on him and pulling him apart. Then his stretched heart abruptly ceased beating. The nightmare had finally ended; no trace of the rockets existed now.
61

      Two beings, both opposites, were now one and the same, their spirits eternally resting among the radiant stars throughout space.62

 63

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Author notes

I wrote this in a day, so it's a bit rushed and inconsistent. Please give me constructive feedback. I'm trying to edit this mess.

 

(never been "in love".)

A contest entry

What do you think?

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 33 of 33
  • Marta gold member
    November 3
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    Ah, this is the third reading that I have done for this story, either we're bumping into ewch other alot or I am running out of stories to read here at SW.

    A good story still needs tweaking....thanks for entering my contest.

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.


  • Elenoria Wyvern
    October 25
    Edit | Reply
    Hmmmm....I like it but there are some things that I can't put my finger on. Oh well I love it and it will do well, I think


  • seasonsoflove
    September 8
    Edit | Reply
    Good work here!

    Plot: 3
    Language: 4
    Theme: 3

    Total: 10

    Great job! Keep it up.

  • Marta gold member
    August 8

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    I think I read this before...if I did it was worth the second read. I like what you did here with the alien and the human and the ending was excellent.

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 4, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.


  • Aqua-Chan
    July 27

    Edit | Reply
    An amazing write. Very well-written and descriptive. the character description is excellent.

    However, you did not read the rules. The world limit is no more han 1500, exceeding the rules.

    I apologize.

    ~Aqua

  • That was pretty amazing. :]
    I normally don't read stories in this genre, but I have to admit; this was simply a masterpiece. Your character descriptions were well written, as were the thought processes and the story line. You kept it interesting throughout the entire story, which is great because had you not, I'd have more than likely stopped reading it n.n;

    But still; well done, and good luck in your contest! :]


  • CinnaAgent11
    July 26

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    Very original. So tragic. I read this a while back, at one point, but I guess that I never commented on it. It's very well written, I'm not really into aliens and that kind of stuff, but I love romance and this was certainly very good. The last sentence was very dramatic, and dramatic is awesome, 'Two beings, both opposites, were now one and the same, their spirits eternally resting among the radiant stars throughout space.' Very beautifully written.


  • Shadow Pixie
    July 25

    Edit | Reply
    This was very good, very well-written. I liked it even though it was something I wouldn't normally read.
    Thanks for your entry, good luck!


  • Emm-Emu
    July 24
    Edit | Reply

    Really Good

    Incredibly descriptive amd imaginative. Utterly awesome. You are very talented and creative.


  • WillyLee
    July 24

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    Very imaginative and well written. The relationship that develops between Gemma and Gabe is touching, and I felt sad for their fate. This is a pretty good story, and I enjoyed reading it. Thanks for entering the contest!

  • Hi as I said, I will return to this shortly, but I thought that I should tell you that so far I find it superb. I think your style and expression are highly polished to give a good description of events and places and people without making them drawn out. You write well and pace things nicely, so it's very fluid to read. I think in places, perhaps the characters' thoughts in particular, you are a little too formal. People are far more relaxed in their minds and perhaps for a reader to relate to the character, they need to be able to understand their minds better. That said, you made very realistic and well-formed characters, and I really enjoyed reading this! I will return to it soon thanks!

  • that was somewhat like a romeo and juliet story in outer space. even though i didn't like romeo and juliet, i love this. wonderful job!

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.

  • Very nice. I like how Gemma was so inquisitive, but trusted Gabriel when they kissed, even though she had no idea what was going on.

  • Very nicely written, especially if you haven't edited it much. I was interested from the beginning, and you kept it moving along at a good pace, not burdened down by superfluous descriptions. Sweet and moving.


  • samie7
    July 9

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    i really enjoyed the story. when I read it, I felt as if I was in the story. the story was very well written. It was very well discribed.


  • lil.janie
    July 9

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    I don't usualy like science fiction (what can I tell, I'm horror addict) but this story has taken me in it completly. I like it a lot!


  • Oleander
    July 6

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    Well I really liked the story. Towards the end I was thinking, a really great way to continue this would be if the black hole transported them into another dimension. And then they could be reunited and possibly travel other alien existences together. I just thought that would be cool. But this is well written, pulled me into the story!

  • Marta gold member
    June 26
    Edit | Reply
    I think this was well written and I enjoyed reading it.

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.


  • Max.Ride.
    June 26
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    great!!!!

    this is the beststory ever but i cant applaud b/c i dont have tokens!!! srry


  • Lawrie gold member
    June 26

    Edit | Reply
    A sci-fi love story with a twist. The twist being no happy ending.

    GThe plot is good, as are the profiles of the main characters. The imagery iswell written and the actions and scenarios are shown tgherefore I could read the story and also picture what was happening as each act took place.

    The idea that two entirely different "species" could form a relationship is not too far fetched; ithappens in real life when people from different cultures meet.

    I have a couple of typos and a question:

    p18 - spiting (spitting)

    p21 - bare (bear)

    p31 - "I know," she snapped. - How did she know what he said ?

    I found this to be a lovely story which was enjoyable to read. I must disagree with you when you state this story is "a mess" for it truly is not.

    Thank you for sharing.

    Lawrie


  • demonkitty
    June 26

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    Awwww such acute story!! I almost never read anything sci-fi, but this is great!!! At least in some weird way they're together now!!! Could you write a second story continuing this? In sci-fi you can do that kinda thing!! DO IT!!!!

  • Marta gold member
    June 25
    Edit | Reply
    It needs a bit of tweaking. Picturisque eyes? Hmmm. Overall a good story.

    beginning: 5, language: 4, plot: 4, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.


  • Anaya Roma
    June 25

    Edit | Reply
    I enjoyed your story. It's timeless...
    I do have one question. I didn't understand this sentence: "The foreign planet's environment shared the same moon as Earth, but it was relatively dark, so the man couldn't perceive the alien's features entirely." Is this planet invisible to our eyes; undetectable by our instruments?
    Thank you for your reply,
    Anaya Roma

    beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 4, ending: 4, dialog: 4, characters: 4.


  • LindaIsMe
    June 25

    Edit | Reply
    It was really well done I liked it a lot too. I didn't notice any mistakes because I got too into the story and kind of ignored the fact I wanted to look for them. That is diffenatly something else. I have never, in my whole life, read something like this. Romantically smart Good job. Thanks for entering my contest and good luck.

    Plus, I loved the background!!


  • Crys Moro
    June 24

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    Great story!

    I really enjoyed reading this, I love the way it's so descriptive, I felt like I was inside the story.
    You did a really good job. The only thing, besides this background being really appropriate to the theme of your story, I found it a little distracting during the reading. But maybe that's only me.

  • Wow, that was different.
    But very good.
    It was well written and a great amount of detail.
    Very nice.
    Good luck in my contest!

  • I loved it. You really gave all of the characters personality. Thank you so much for entering! Feel free to enter any of my other contests that you dont think is a joke.


  • Cupcake14
    June 23
    Edit | Reply
    Wow...it's amazing.

  • omg i loved it! plz read and comment mine! THX!o and i cant applaud. srry! im new here and ive got no points! im srry! but im clapping in real life!


  • CareBearJah
    June 22

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    Wow! That was very interesting! I love the adventure and the theme of this story! I was so hooked by it! I liked the interaction between Gabriel and Gemma, it made me smile and sad all at the same time. =D good job Amiga! Good Job!


  • Kevan gold member
    June 22

    Edit | Reply
    Wow! Thank you for sharing this!

    While reading your story, I had a great sense of time and adventure. You really drew me in from the beginning, and kept my eyes locked on the page the whole way through. I don't even think I blinked

    Anyways, job well done and best of luck in the contests this is entered in. I hope you get some sort of trophy

    Kevan.


  • Trepidation
    June 22

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, cool!

    I wasn't expecting the romance between Gabe and Gemma at first, but once it started I loved it. I always love stories with two opposite people falling in love, no matter how great their differences are.

    It is rushed somewhat, yes, but not badly. I think its just fine as it is myself.


  • kaekay
    June 22

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, you really drew me in on the first paragraph... It is so descriptive! Well, truthfully, I don't have any constructive feedback. It was great though!

1 - 33 of 33