The Loss of Everything (chapter IV)

Joseph through think and thin, loved everything about Kay. He just would never have enough of her. Whether physically, spirit- or in the grappling mystery of life. 1

It was a few months after his grandfather died. He got some money. He knew he needed to change his life. He was just sick of being a whore to everything that he layed his eyes on. Though even his own hands remained strangers to him. He never felt at ease with the need to excavate his seed from the leper that reined between the emptiness of his legs. He craved and whole heartily desired freedom.2

Everyday was just another intellectual battle with Leander. Though he just never truly participated in his own surroundings. He was just a fixture on a the couch, molesting the controller- attempting to find something on the television.3

The moment he got the check from his grandfathers trust, he knew what he was gonna do with it. He knew he had to pay rent,bills, and get some food. For he was the very reason why fat people enjoyed their buffets. He went into line with them, as their bellies burst outside the stretch of their pants. Joseph paid what he had to pay. then he was off on his sabbatical to free himself, from his own trifled enslavement of bodie murdering soul.4

He had to keep it a secret what he planned on doing to himself. No one he knew would understand it. He purposely chose Kristin to ask to go out to eat with, cause he knew Lynne would try to stop him. She before she ever bought his book of poems to Kay- was alot to him. He knew he had to sacrifice his love for Lynne(in bodie anyway) to actually show that he loved her. it was a bold chess move. One that he knew he would live even beyond the confines of this life, and into the limitations of death.5

Joseph knew that orchiectomy was the only way to free himself. He was tired of being a slave to his bodie, raped by the plague of  testosterone. For in any destruction, there is an creation. he knew he had to let him self be scared beyond a shadow of a doubt, to otherwise spread his wings to fly beyond what he feared he become. Joseph never wanted to become his father. That was latent in the worst of his thoughts. It rumbled through the barricades of his tripodical soul, endlessly. He knew he had formed a love for Lynne-even for Kay! though he had to be man enough to set them free. He felt a stranger in this world, even to what angrily starred back at him through the lies of the mirror. 6

Joseph hopped upon the bus, headed for Cleveland. Though he knew at a point, he'd have to get off in Philadelphia. It was his only reason to let himself keep on living. He decided not to be apart in barring any children. There were to many people on this forsaken world already. He knew at a point, he'd meet some understanding woman- they would be separate individuals, though come together with themselves and god! At a point adopt- taking 5-10 less suffering children out of their death trap considered life. Though he did this with want of accolades or awards for he knew embedded in the limitations of his own free mind of what his her Kurt Cobain had once said "The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head." 7

He was out to do this. He would lat nothing stop him. He had to cross the miles of outward decent, for him to be able to grip a hold of his life. It didn't matter what hung or hanged between his legs. It was just dull and dead flesh to him. He saw no use in it anymore. Kay had done more to kill him, and he just couldn't bare through a repeat with Lynne. He'd rather go without, then leave Lynne empty. She had become the stars in his blanketed eyes. 8

Maybe it came fractured out of his love impoverished youthful mind. He just couldn't even bare to do what his parents had done to him and his brother and sister. He was scorned in the argument that water lays thicker then blood- he has always been a stranger to his own blood. He just didn't want to repeat the limits of his genes- no matter how much money it entailed. By this act he was freeing himself, and pissing on the memory of his grand father. He could not return to Florida with his gonads attached. He had to set the future free of him- and without them he would grow and transcend. He would be able to get in knee deep with his rage. 9

Joseph just put on his ear phones hummed along with the songs, getting closer and closer to his impaired freedom-from his own lies and life!10