Twenty-four cuts, 2nd chapter

"Hey mary," I whisper at the foot of my sisters bed. I shake her lightly trying to wake her up, but shes still asleep. I get up after i hear her say "GO away carmen I'm tired!"1

I stand and look around her room. All pink. the color i completely dread, but imagine that my room looked exactly like this. Posters like "The jonas Brothers" or "Orlando Bloom" hung on my walls. Covering every inch of my room. I smirked at the thought. I jump when I hear marys alarm go off and the song "Best of both worlds" by *bunny*en hannah montana plays. I cringe at her horrible voice and retarded lyrics.2

"*bunny*-tard mary" I say under my breath. I look as mary slowly rises from her slumber and yells "Wat did u call me?!?!" i laugh and throw a pillow at her saying "You know i love you, now get up I'm walking you to school with my friend."3

I pass my room and look at the bed that wasnt touched the night before. I spended the night with mary because I was in a great mood, and I even told her about Bethany. She laughed lightly at the thought of me dating a girl. Shes still not used to the fact I'm bi, but she accepts me. We disscused alot last night, and she asked me to clean my room out of all the things that reminded me of the accident, but i cant exactly do that yet. I walk in my room, and look at the dry bloody razor on the floor from the day before. I rinse it with water and even soap. I then put it in my special box, and started to cry.4

Why do i put myself through so much pain I wondered. "Carmen. . .are you ready?" Mary said in the doorway. "Yeah, i'm sorry i'm always like this" i said with an attempt chuckle, "Haha we um used to have fun. . .but i'm changing. . .well i'm trying to change and dont worry. . .it makes you sick."5

"BETHANY!" I glomp her and she laughs saying "Whats up with you?"6

I laugh and respond "You just make me happy!"7

Bethany giggles and slowly reaches for my hair. She plays with it and i watch her eyes glitter. They just twinkle and it amazes me. . .shes just so perfect. Her hair glows with the colorful highlights and her lip ring moves as she begins to smile "I'm sorry" she whispers "I hope that didnt make you feel weird or anything. . .I ummm just got carried away for a bit"8

"No its ok!" i try to say but she interupts me and says "Were still just friends right? i mean i was umm acting. . .for a uh play! Dont worry about it!"9

My smile fades lightly, but i cant let her see that. She never said she was bi or anything like that. Remember shes perfect, any guy would want her. She could get any guy she wanted. Forget it.10

"Carmen we really need to go run an errand for mom, I'm sorry i forgot to tell you. Bethany you should go ahead and go to school" Mary rushes to say.11

"Oh ok, umm later Carmen see you at school. Oh and it was nice to meet you mary" bethany hugs us both and i try to hang on to her, longing to hold her body, but i know i couldnt. I let her go. . . .12

The day is closing and i havent see Bethany at all. Its starting to worry me, but i cant do anything about it. I mean, she hurt me! She should be concerned about me! but on the other hand, she doesnt know I like her that way. I stop by my locker and grab my books and journals. I stopped in my tracks when i saw the girl of my dreams. There she was. Bethany.13

She walked in the middle of the hallway, wide strides proved she had confidence. Preps began to fear her as she gave them dirty looks for the insults they shot at her. She fipped her hair this way and that, and when she looked at me. . .She stopped dead in her tracks and smiled. She walked slowly torwards me, looking shy.I tried to hide my smile by looking away, but i couldnt. i blushed uncontrollably.14

Today is going to end perfect I thought. But a minute later a jock came behind me and lifted my shirt off. "Look at this emo! Haha!" He ran off with my shirt and I panicked. i tried hiding myself with my books but it was no use. A crowd formed around me taking pics, and calling me insults i never thought would sting like this. They pushed my books down. . .They pushed me in the lockers. . .they pushed me like i was in a giant mosh pitt. . .they pushed me. . . .15

"Look at her!"16

"Woah she really does cut!"17

"Look at her giants boobs"18

"*bunny* she has alot of scars and cuts!"19

Were all the different statements I heard. i cried and yelled as they pushed me out of the hallway. Soon before i knew it I was in a alley. .They took all my clothes and my screams filled the air. i was naked and it began to rain. The boys forced kissed me. The girls slapped me. They all ran when the rain began to flood the street. Laying there i cried. Bare naked. Bruises and new cuts i didnt make myself were all over my body.20

"Oh my *bunny*en god! Carmen! I'm so sorry!" Bethany sat next to me and i was in her arms. Finally. She held on to me. I stopped shaking and shivering. I looked at her and she stared at me with tears in her eyes. .Then, she kissed me. Her sweet lips against mine felt so right. Like a perfect fitted puzzle. She stood me up and took her jacket off and put it on me. 21

"I care Carmen. Let me help you" she whispered in the rain, but this time i kissed her. In the rain we kissed. I was naked besides her jack jacket from hot topic over me. She was fully clothed but drenched with rain and some blood from my cuts. We Stood there for a few minutes then we stopped at her house so i could dry off and borrow some clothes before i go home so i wouldnt get in trouble. When i finally got in my room, i saw my beautiful box with the perfect razor. i didnt know what to do. . .I finally had Bethany but what they did to me. . .was unforgivable. They all hated me I thought. One person doesnt make a difference. So I grab the razor. . .22