Everyone is born as one piece
Pure and beautiful; inside and out
Until one day, you become a broken piece1
Everyday someone becomes a broken doll
Ugly and nasty; that is what we are becoming
No one is safe from this disease2
There is no stopping it
Is it possible to become whole again?
Is it possible I can have my life again?
Is it possible to change?3
So many people ask these questions
I have asked myself these questions
The sad thing is, we don’t believe in change4
We do not believe a criminal can be a saint
We do not believe that there will be peace and no war
We do not believe that everybody can forget about color and live in peace5
Will I see the sun shine through the present clouds that are forming?
Will the thunder that I am constantly hearing go away?
I’m losing my mind. I feel sick.6
I have become infected
I do not believe
Because I am the broken doll
Author notes
My best friend Kayla inspired me to write this. She used to call me her broken doll because she knows all the horrible stuff I have gone through in this life. I used to call her my glue.
She picked up the piece and stitched my back together when I needed someone there the most. For that, I will always be thankful for her and have her in my heart forever.
I used to be broken, but slowly those scars are going away and I'm becoming whole again.
In a list
A contest entry
- bring it to the top by Karbear12345.
100 points, ended June 26, 11 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - ANYTHING GOES! LETS SEE HOW MANY ENTRIES WE CAN GET!!! by Marisalyn13.
100 points, ended November 15, 117 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Spring Spring Spring by Lady Eventide.
600 points, ended July 13, 28 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - I want your best...POEMS!!! by Le Masquerade.
170 points, ended July 29, 116 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Sadness and Depression poems/short stories by Lies4Truth.
350 points, ended July 22, 29 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Are you Broken?
Comments
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for some reason i felt like your explanation of where the inspiration came from was more touching then the actual poem itself.
I don't know why though, could be the way its pieced together. Could be better, but its still written well. Just perhaps not thought out as much?
Keep up the good work.
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The thing I love about this poem is that someone was the inspiration to write this. It's touching, and I thank you for putting an explanation in the A/N.
I love how you've used the image of a doll to portray people (or us). The use of the questions are especially effective; you connect with the reader by doing so.
Poking at punctuation time. I think you could do with some more of it in your poem, and when you do, try to use the right ones.
For example, in stanza one:
[Everyone is born as one piece
Pure and beautiful; inside and out
Until one day, you become a broken piece]
----> [Everyone is born as one piece{: or -}
Pure and beautiful{,} inside and out
Until one day, you become a broken piece.]
You won't have to add *too* much punctuation, though, if it disrupts the flow of your poem. A few full stops and commas will go a long way!
Like in stanza five, you could put full stops at the end of each line. That will give that stanza an air of finality and confidence in what is said.
(I also suggest a rewording or rephrasing of stanza five, too. It's a tad bit long compared to the other stanzas, and sounds lengthy in comparison.)
Another lovely piece of writing from you! Great job.
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Thank you very much for taking the time to read it. ^_^ it means a lot to me.
Oh and thank you for the point outs. Everyone knows I need help XD haha -
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Well I'm sure everyone needs some critiquing... although not a lot of people give it in comments *frown*
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Yeah :S sort of defeats the purpose of the site lol
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Yea, it does. But encouraging comments are just as good. It means someone's taken the time to read and said something nice (which is why I aim to have reasonably long comments).
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That was really good. I agree with a lot of what was said in it. The world is a corrupt place.
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Cute poem. I really liked what you had in the author notes, and I encourage you to continue writing. Great job!
-ELF (Ellie) -
Again, I would have to stress the need for punctuation in order to control the flow of your poems. In this one, stanza 3 I would recommend changing up the start of those lines; make the questions varied, make them stretch to further ideas. Part of me would have to argue with your general philosophy as well; born good, raised bad. Doesn't mean I would dislike your poem, but certain elements just weren't the kind of stuff I personally like. Not badly written, and good imagery, just not the kind of dolls I like to play with (oooh, now that's sinister sounding isn't it?).
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Everyone has their different views. When I wrote tgis, I really wasn't in the right mind. I view the world differently just like you and everyone else. Of course that doesnt mean I'm right or your right.
Thank you again. Punctution seems to be killer for me. But practice makes perfect. I won't give in. thank you for your helpful tips.
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I don't know if I like the poem as much as I like your note about what the poem means to you. I think that people are broken, and it makes you wonder who isn't broken? At some level everyone is whether they know it or not. I like the metaphor of the broken doll for emotionally broken humans, and I also like that you call your friend your glue. It's cute.
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A journey you've written here that invokes introspection and deep thought. You're right; too many people don't believe that things can't change. What's worse is that when people start believing this, we call them 'Adult'. It's considered 'childish' to believe otherwise, and I think this is a misconception.
I liked this very much. Beautifully and thoughtfully said.
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This is such an amazing and heart breaking poem that people can relate to. You just have to be strong and stand back up once you've fallen. Great job!
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Amazing, really fantastic. It was really profound and it made me think - you've got talent. After reading your Author's Notes, I felt sad that you had to go through some awful things, and I'm glad you're moving on. Well done on this, I loved it.
~ Leah
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Thank you. ^_^ life can be hard but I learned to just move on and become stronger. It's always nice to have someone to stitch you up too.
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This is a very thought provoking poem. It does truly seem like we live in a world that does not accept second chances. The only thing is that anyone who has lived knows that life is nothing but a series of second chances. If it weren't for change none of us would have made it through cuz the only perfect folks are just lying and havent been caught yet
Way to write something that makes folks think
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Hehehe i thought i recognised this poem *giggles* but for some reason i feel differently this time, i feel sorry for you and all your bad times but i am glad that they are going!!
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Very good story and very true.
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Thank you ^^
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Very nice thoughts. Good to know that you are not "broken" anymore and you are lucky to have a "glue".
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wow i really liked this
-hehe i forgot that you changed your name and thought someone else was using ur pic for their icon- (that would have been creepy)
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I'm going to change my name back when I can do it. I don't think it fits. Oh man that would be creepy!
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I don't think so...Perhaps I get moody and left out on some days...and I currently have no glue but I think I'm more chipped in places.
You're lucky to have a glue for you.
It's a beautiful and sad poem, and I loved it. You did a great job.
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Thanks. I'm glad I had glue with me. I'd still be in pieces I think. I got lucky.
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Am I broken? No, I do not think so. I might be chipped in some places but I think that you are more broken than anyone I know.
By the way this is my new favourite poem.
GC
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Oh boy you really made my day! I'm glad you enjoyed it and commented. I am glad that you are bot as broken as me. Though I am getting better.
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Ah love. I really feel for you. I was broken but I have you so now I am whole again. I know, sounded cheesy but it's true. I love you deeply. I want you to know that.
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I love you more. *hearts*
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Am I broken? Compared to most others I'm as perfect as a diamond. But I felt broken once and then I met someone who decided I was worth it to try and piece back together.
You're a very talented poet Zack. You have written a very...beautiful, to me, heartfelt, and far reaching piece here.
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its a good poem and i like the idea of a broken doll because my friend called me her posseded doll something that alwase made me smile Its great agian lol and good luck in my contest
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I like your poetry!!
you get the message across in a verry story like way... if you get what i mean by that... well done...this is a good poem!
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Glad you like my poetry. That always make me feel all warm and fuzzy. Lol
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Lol well i am glad i chould help with the warm fuzzyness lol and i do like your poetry!! verry much
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This poem is very true. I like the message in this poem and loved reading it! Thank you so much for entering and good luck
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Thanks and again good luck with the contest
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I am glad that you have your glue to help you believe in change. It would be sad not to believe in change.
I mean, provided a felon serves his/her sentence, I'm willing to give him/her a second chance. I believe people can change. I believe in change.
I also believe that people aren't glass. We are the ones who make the glass. We are the ones who decide if we can fix the broken glass or sweep it up and get rid of it.
This is a very powerful poem! It definitely had me thinking. I thoroughly enjoyed it and wish you all the best of luck in my contest.
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I dnt think I'm broken, I'm all one peace! LOL. Good job! This was a very amazing poem.
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greatwrite
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This is beautiful. It's so true. This piece is creative, profound, and just lovely. It's tragic that you feel this way, and I'm glad you're "becoming whole again", I know exactly what you mean and how you feel. I guess you could say I was a broken doll once, too.
Thank you for sharing this. This truly touched my heart.
-Alix
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Thank you for reading and commenting. I think there are a lot of broken dolls out there buy it's their choice to get fixed or continue to fall apart. It's hard sometimes but it does get easier to deal with. I hope you are whole again.
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wow...rlly loved it!
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Good commentary on the negativity that sometimes engulfs us western folks. It's a time of huge technological breakthroughs, but the sense of isolation and loneliness has never been greater. Everybody knows why (breakdown of extended families, Media generated paranoia etc), but it's still a very depressing time to be alive.
I like the fact that you end your poem on a positive note. We can fix ourselves, but the fixing has to come from within. Stay happy, Rorsh
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Yes people tend to lose hope when they become broken. I know this because I was losing hope myself. But I had a wonderful friend to help me see clearly and show me the light of a good life. It helps to have someone there to help pick up the pieces and take the time and dedication to put you back together again.
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aw..wow, that was unbelievably done, I love what you wrote in your an!
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Thanks for commenting and reading. Everything in the an is true and this was the only way I could express my thinking and feelings.
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Nice jobs, I loved how you related a broken doll to real life.
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cn i copy this n send it to a friend wit ur byline i thnk it would hlp her shes goin thru tuff stuf
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Of course. Go right ahead. You have my permission. I hope she gets through all of it ok.
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Awesome!!!!
Profound & heartfelt piece that expresses much of the world around us & the thoughts of the people in it...
Keep up the good work...
Well done!!!
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sad. the words though are superb, and their meaning echoes.
I´m sorry you had to go through ... whatever inspired them.
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yeah im sorry for all the things i have done through myself. Most of it was my stupidity and people taking advantage of my trust. Not anymore though. Usually around new people, they think of me as a robot because of how cold and how emotionless I am around them.
I come to live more when i get to know them. Its just that i don't care for people much anymore. sad really, but true.
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Wow, it's really realistic! I can totally relate!
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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its kind of realistic in a way. This world has a lot of problems but we are too stupid to find the solution or even give the effort to try.
that's what this poem is about, our personal problems and the worlds problems
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so sad...
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yeah my life hasn't been all that glamorous but I believe that I get stronger everytime I have to go through it all. I have more strength.
thanks for reading it.
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