The Bone Boxes

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She tried to breathe but her lungs felt squashed, like the roaches she stomped into the wet, soft earth to keep from scuttling up her legs.  All around Ruth were the Bone Boxes: tiny pine coffins that were scattered about like marbles with the bodies of dead children in them; their pale faces tranquil, little hands clasped as if in prayer. 1

Tears spilled down her dirt-smudged cheeks at the sight of this hellish, deeply morbid circle of bone boxes with the children all tucked neatly inside like broken dolls. 2

Father James smiled; his plump, kissable lips invitingly wet. 3

"They're in a better place, Ruth." 4

Dimples winked in the broad planes of his cheeks as he watched her, admiring how her full breasts heaved with each ragged breath, how her eyes drank in the blood and dirt and sweat that coated his smooth, creamy skin. 5

"Fuck you", Ruth hissed, but her voice came out as a whisper, shaky and feeble. 6

He crouched near one of the boxes, one gloved hand caressing a child's tangled hair as his fierce, smoky green eyes examined her from head to toe, wondering if she could fit in the boxes, how divine her cunt would taste on his tongue.    7


"Oh don't worry, Ruth, I plan to." 8

I'm going to peel all that lovely skin right off your bones, Ruth thought, and moved towards him with the blood-stained hammer clutched to her chest, her boots crunching through the carpet of bones.   9

 10

Author notes

An excerpt from my story in progress "The Divine Truth."

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 17 of 17
  • Marta gold member
    August 4
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    Interesting. I will have to read more in the future. Well done.

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.


  • lil.janie
    July 10

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    Good, great.... I enjoyed it. Can't wait to see what's next.
    I realy liked the priest caracter, it's nicely done, but I can't stop wondering about his motive. There are a couple of things on my mind right now, so it will be interesing to read more and see which one is the right one.
    Hammer surprised me too, I wasn't expecting it.
    'She tried to breathe but her lungs felt squashed, like the roaches she stomped into the wet, soft earth to keep from scuttling up her legs.' - now, that just pure gold.


  • Jack Necron
    July 8

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    Wow, that was excellent! It was just right with the horror and darkness elements. It was also disturbing to see a priest act that way, and it seemed to fit with this gritty world. I was surprised by the hammer part, I thought she was doomed.

    All around, this was atmospheric and sets a good tone for something larger. Keep me posted, I would like to read the whole thing.


    • Whispers silver member
      July 8
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      Thank you so much for taking the time to read, comment, and applaud my story. I'm pleased that you enjoyed it.
      Don't worry...the whole "Satan's Fathers" is in progress. I'm enrolled in a chemistry class right now, so it might take a little longer to complete it, but when it's finished I'll let you know. Thanks so much.

      • Jack Necron
        July 8
        Edit | Reply
        No problem, I think it's going to be great, judging by what I have read. It seems like a blend of grisly horror with Silent Hill. I like the idea behind it. As a fellow horror writer, I wish you luck with it.


  • Diabolical Masochist
    July 4

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    wow, this is really good. horrifying yet erotic... nice combination that not many people can put together. i look forward to reading more excerpts if not the story itself

    • Whispers silver member
      July 4
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks so much! I really appreciate the feeback and applause.
      Satan's Fathers is still in its larval state, but I'll be sure to send you the link once it's finished.

      EPO


  • Shadow-Kissed
    June 25

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    Wow, this is really good. Unfortunately I can't make you a finalist because you went over 5 sentence. I do however hope you'll enter my next contest with another one of your pieces. This was really impressive. Well Done.

    -Chantale

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.

    • Whispers silver member
      June 25
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks so much for taking the time to read and comment
      Yeah, I figured it would be too long. Oh well...always next time ^^.


  • Jokers Harlequin
    June 23

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    Great excerpt. Sounds creepy but yet I love it so much. This sounds great so far. I can't wait until you start writing more.


  • bird-mad girl
    June 21

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    This reminded me so much of what's his face... John Wayne Gacy, this serial killer from Chicago. he buried all these boys under his house. my uncle saw him once as a child and my mom grew up not too far from him. it also made me think of Ed Gein, the guy who inspired Psycho [which I LOVE to the bones. gahhh Hitchcock is a GOD, and you must watch it!] and the Texas Chainsaw Massacare. and a whole bunch of other eerie, creepy, insane men.

    The opening of this story is so beyond perfect. right away I felt my stomach twist. you perfectly executed [ha I guess that could be a pun] these feelings of horror, fear, dread, death, and gruesomeness. It made me think of Poe, just this sense of black terror and how it oozes into your lungs and you're so caught up in the stench of fear, but you have to keep moving forward just to get it over with. yeah. that's what this opening made me think of.

    also, the use of children. god that just pushes it even further. it's revolting but it really clenches. I think it just makes this piece trench so much deeper. and what made it so creepy was how they were all like little praying dolls. it's sickening because there's this hue of innocence. and it's like you expect the killer to stroke their hair and get glassy eyed and bluntly smile. shiver.

    him being a priest is so apt. I like how it's the whole disturbing priest deal but you've extended so much on that. not only is he spine-chilling but he's slaughtering children. from his description, it also sounds like he has a charming appearance which I think makes him all the more sinister.

    cunt. I can't explain how much I FUCKING LOVE that word. not because it's meant to be vulgar, which I do enjoy using it in that light as well, but because I think in literature it's so poetic sounding. I never thought about that word until I saw the movie The Libertine when I was fifteen. Depp plays this man-whoring/alcoholic poet from the 1600s [he's a real guy too] and in his poetry, which is so vastly sexual, he always uses the word cunt. I think you'd enjoy the movie.

    the ending paragraph was stellar. there was so much strengthen in it, not only through your language but through the character as well. and this: "carpet of bones." fuck that is so marvelous. stunning. it's so dramatic and haunting and cold it just seels the end of this piece spectacularly. not to mention vividly.

    ohhh and when I saw the name of the main character, Ruth, I had a little chuckle because I started writing a noir murder story with the victim's name as Ruth. hopefully your Ruth will have better luck then mine in your story which means I can't wait for this story you've got planned!

    x


  • SCREAMxTOxxBExHEARD
    June 20
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    Nice. I can't wait until you write more.


  • Melissa HoneyBee
    June 20

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    Enjoyed! Horrifying, tantalizing, good stuff! Keep Rocking. That was good, and was a great exerpt. If the rest of the story is as fabulous then it would be well worth reading. Cheers to you for such a nice write.
    (Kill that bastard Ruth!)


  • MsAlee gold member
    June 19
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    WOW, i can't wait to read the rest of this!


  • Juniper Cran
    June 19
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    XD
    I always knew priests were horny little fuckers.


  • ToxicVengance
    June 19
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    ...O.O.. one word...horrific.

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