Seeking a Refuge (34)

“Chris...” The fact that she couldn’t even recognize her own voice anymore didn’t come as a surprise to Stephanie, but her boyfriend stopped, prying her worried face inquiringly:1

“What is it? Are you ok? Steph... you’re scaring me.”2

“I... I’m sorry, but I’ve been hiding from you some extremely important details about me and I think it’s not fair. We need to talk.”3

Chris answered, wondering if Stephanie was ever going to remember she had to breathe between her sentences sometimes too:4

“I’m listening.”5

“Well... You remember that, before admitting I was in love with you, I kept talking about my boyfriend...”6

“Yeah,” said the man absently, watching the grey sky. “So I take it I’m not a mind-reader genius and you actually did have a boyfriend? Is that the big secret?”7

“It’s just a way of saying it... Please listen to me. I... I’m kind of ashamed of this but... Ever since I was 8, I’ve been living in my own world, if I can say so. All my friends are imaginary and so is my lover Steve. My folks know something is wrong but... Chris, you’re the very first person whom I tell all this. I made up a whole... fairy tale, I guess. The L&U K, Love and Union Kingdom. I’d be the princess,” - at this point, Stephanie was able to feel tangible steam rising from her cheeks - “and we had to fight enemies to protect the world. Ares is the worst. He’s the negative energy of the universe, which can take many forms. It feeds with the energy of planets taking the form of their inhabitants. And we’ve recently discovered the existence of what we call ‘alternate realities’. It’s something... like the universe curving into more universes. I don’t really know. The thing is, for every possible choice we make there is a world where we did it in a different way. Hey...”8

Chris grinned sarcastically, pointing at the other side of the road:9

“A monster! A monster! Help!!!”10

Stephanie felt a tear wash her young face. Then a second one. In a matter of instants, she knew nothing but that she was crying like a two year old and her boyfriend was holding her to his chest so tight that she could barely breathe.11

“Oh, Steph, I’m so sorry... I just don’t know what to say,” he mumbled, his face stuck to her shoulder. “You talk about all that stuff like it’s real. This sounds weird and I agree that it’s important.”12

“Are you going to leave me because I’m such a crazy liar?”13

He let go of her in shock:14

“What?! What are you talking about? Of course I’m not gonna leave you, especially not now...” he looked at her seriously, but it appeared he didn’t accuse her like she blamed herself.15

“Thank you,” she barely gasped. “I’m trying to get over it, you know. I think that would be the best for everyone, but I can’t. I’d feel even emptier than I do now.”16

“I guess you would. You need some help, sweetheart. I think we should talk to your parents and then to a therapist. I heard the best one in Washington is right here, in Everett.”17

Although Stephanie was incredibly busy counting the white dots in the snow layer at their feet, she never missed details. That was what her father had said some time ago as well, but she sensed a difference...18

“We?” she whispered, without daring to hope much.19

“Like I said, I’m not going to leave you alone in this. Now, shall we?” His hand was held out expectantly. For one second, she was horrified by the idea of simply going home and sharing her secret like everything had been normal. But, noticing the determined and worried look upon Chris’s face, it seemed impossible to say no. 20

On a cold December day, two lovers were holding hands, struggling with the wind and snowflakes. Happiness poured out of their weird jokes. No one could tell that maybe, just maybe, they were going to share a secret that had burdened someone for over eight years. A secret that kept its own secrets.21