Seeking a Refuge (33)

A few minutes after her new boyfriend left her alone with a good bye kiss on her smooth lips, John Smith came home giving Stephanie the biggest shock of her life. 1

There was a knock at the door, and the teenager answered mechanically:2

“Yes?” The undeniable enthusiasm in her voice hadn’t died and it was easy to tell something had changed in her life. 3

Her father entered the room. He was calm and a friendly, an understanding smile standing on his face. 4

“May I sit?” he asked a little too formally. 5

“Sure,” Stephanie grinned at him like a child who had just got the much-expected toy. 6

The man sat next to her on the bed, putting his strong arm around her. He looked as though he was trying hard to find the appropriate words to discuss a very delicate problem. He began to stutter, suddenly turning round to watch the wallpaper representing Dido, which was in the opposite direction than the girl:7

“Stephanie... You know that I and your Mom are trying to be good parents and understand your points of view and issues. Well... Let’s face it, you seem to live in a world of your own.”8

He paused for a second to regard his daughter’s expression change rapidly. She remained quiet.9

“Oh, come on... You must face reality! You’re not a child anymore. We would like to help you. I’m sure this is hard... But if you are willing to admit there is a problem, all you need is some guidance and it should be ok.” His own nearly determined toned astonished him, but he put his hand on Stephanie’s shoulder, forcing her to face him. He gave her something with the aspect of an old magazine, telling her:10

“This is an old issue of “Life Nowadays”. A few months ago, I took an interview that was published in this issue. It was a certain Dr. Gregory Brain, who was famous at no more than one year after graduating from Stanford... Hey, are you even listening?”11

Stephanie turned her head in an unsuccessful attempt of hiding her tears. She murmured unhearably:12

“You have that official way of talking... But wake up, Dad, I’m not a publisher or one of your fellow journalists, I’m your daughter. And you know nothing about me, even if you think you do.”13

But no matter how hard she tried to convince herself otherwise, somewhere inside her she knew he was right. And it hurt worse than Stephanie had ever imagined it would. 14

“I’m sorry,” he answered apologetically, making the girl feel even more weird. He approached her, looking straight into her deep suffering eyes. 15

“I don’t need a doctor!” she suddenly yelled. “I’m not crazy, and even if you have good intentions, you still can’t understand.”16

John didn’t say anything for a long while. Then, he rose and spoke slowly, attempting to sound understanding and benevolent:17

“Well, I don’t really need that copy anymore. You keep it... just in case you get curious. This psychologist has made a name for himself in the entire Washington for his commitment towards the patients. His ideas are very innovative... Maybe you’ll read it later.”18

He left. He always knew when to hold back. Stephanie was looking at the magazine. Reading a story wasn’t going to ruin her universe. Was it?19

The months passed swiftly to Stephanie whose life meant her relationships with Steve and Chris, L&U K duties and schoolwork. The only fact that scared her was that Chris’s sense of humor and tenderness had almost turned her whole soul upside down, even though she no longer felt guilty. However, everything went surprisingly perfect between them and there were only a few confusing, rare instants when the girl would think Chris had the not-so-many-qualities that her dear fabled Steve didn’t. 20

Another Christmas was already knocking at the door, but this time it was another story. The L&U K members were “gone for a walk”, while Chris, Stephanie and her parents spent a calm December afternoon talking and laughing together (“I could have never have such fun with Steve,” she thought without daring to admit it to herself). 21

After one more hour or so, the two lovers decided to go out for a walk themselves, though not where the others were. They just... needed some time alone, as the girl tried to believe. But it wasn’t meant to be that easy. The hurricane in her mind tormented her more with every breath she took. She knew she had to give up. She had to grow up and confess to her only boyfriend.22