Benedictus

1

“Good day … Brother Sebastian.” 2

Sister Katherine uttered her greeting with barely a whisper, then turned and went on her way as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened. Sebastian watched her retreating figure until she was out of sight, turning her head just once before disappearing through the gateway.3

He raised his hand to his face, rubbing his thumb lightly over the place where she had kissed him. A warmth radiated from his heart as his mind replayed that unexpected moment over and over. It was such a bittersweet feeling that he didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. He had, in part, engineered this chance encounter knowing the potential risk involved. He just wanted to speak to her, to thank her, to return an overdue courtesy. At least that’s what he told himself. She had taken an even greater risk. 4

He could not recall exactly when he first noticed Katherine but something about her drew his eye. He was accustomed to singing and chanting before a congregation, and had seen various reactions to both the words and the music. But this was different; it was as though she was tuned in to him. He was intrigued by her and looked for her at every chapel service. Her constant presence was reassuring and it seemed to change the way he sang. 5

Then there was that stolen glance on the occasion where he had taken the Mass. He stood before her kneeling figure; her face was like fine porcelain which seemed illuminated somehow. The veil she wore accentuated her beauty rather than hiding it. How his hands trembled as he administered the sacrament, his fingers poised a hair’s breadth away from her. It took all his self-discipline to move on but then he had looked back. Her eyes were warm and brown and they held him captive; he felt rooted to the floor. Then she looked away, and with great effort he continued the service. 6

He had prayed for the opportunity to speak with her, just once, but it seemed an impossibility. Sometimes the senior sisters spoke with him after chapel, and following the music recitals he often received words of kindness and encouragement, but Katherine always slipped away quietly. Once or twice he determined to detain her but each time she managed to evade him.7

Sebastian discovered Katherine’s daily walk quite by accident that very afternoon. As he talked with the Monsignor he observed her pass through the gateway at the opposite end of the courtyard; it led to the convent’s kitchen garden. When at last the Monsignor returned to his business, Sebastian walked calmly towards the open gate; he could make out her figure as she moved along the path that ran beside the orchard. Then she sat down on the bench under the old pear tree. She seemed to be in deep contemplation, so he waited for what seemed an eternity till she began her return before walking towards her. 8

He would have been happy just to speak to her. What had unfolded moments earlier had taken him totally by surprise. She had kissed him with a quiet boldness that touched him to his very soul. A melancholy sigh escaped his mouth at the memory. 9

“Brother Sebastian! Are you ill?” 10

Sebastian looked up with a start; the voice belonged to Brother Xavier. Sebastian collected his thoughts and walled them up in that secret part of his mind. He smiled at his companion,11

“I am fine, Brother Xavier.”12

“The preparation for the Summer Eisteddfod is not troubling you, is it?” the Brother asked. Every three years the Mayor held an Eisteddfod in the summer; there were entrants for all over the town. This year Brother Sebastian had been invited to compete as the new cantor, with the understanding that if he won, any prize money would go to his order. 13

“I am writing a new canticle for the competition, some of the phrasing needs more work.”14

“You are a true blessing with an amazing talent, my brother,” said Brother Xavier, clapping him companionably on the back.15

Sebastian’s first love had always been music. His father had given him a wooden recorder and a small guitar when he was four; he sang and composed and played to the delight of his family. He was particularly entranced by the liturgical singing of the monks, so much so that he decided to enter the order.16

His sisters had teased him mercilessly about going into the church; all except Clare, his eldest sister who was five years his senior. She had been like a mother to him and had surprising wisdom.17

She told him “Don’t listen to those silly girls, Seb. You have a gift, an undeniable gift. It is a blessing from God and it is fitting that you should honour Him in this way. Learn all you can from the monks; train your gift and be a blessing to others.”18

Sebastian thought about his encounter with Sister Katherine, he thought about his own beloved sister Clare and the coming Summer Eisteddfod. He turned to Brother Xavier as they walked along the cloisters and said,19

“On the contrary, brother, I think it is I who am truly blessed. Truly blessed.”20