From Now Until Never

I love this place. If they were to save a billion cities, I am sure this would be one of them. Outside of my own apartment, the setting sun is a beautiful sight. Day after day, it's almost like desperation for me. In a sense that I just want to break free from everyday living and play a small tune for the whole population. Just take out that old shoebox that homes my notes and let the world read my stories.1

If only I could travel back in time. The over-bearing suffering of mechanistic society makes me want to puke. As always, though, I am all alone. I don't mind so much anymore, keeping to myself was something I was always good at. I'd avoid winter altogether in my room if I could. Just sit down on the bed with my laptop, keeping up with old friends. Slowly, I'd let them go of course. No sense burdening them with my time, only to die so suddenly one day. Why should I be another body to waste tears on?2

Sometimes, I sit and I wonder. What would have come for me among better times? Had the past been changed, would I be here today? Here to focus on the world, thinking and obsessing on how I can stop time, just to steal one cigarette? A break from my un-natural life of abstraction, that's all I need. My mind is constantly on full alert as it is. 3

And I, yes I, loved even you. It seems that these sort of messages never really go as planned. Much like trying to pass out a fake ID. It's too easy to see the lies, just look for a clump of baby teeth, and there you go. It was never like that way back then though. Everything was at a slow luxury pace. Today, it's grab and go, we got time for coffee later. I mean, even the middle class got an upgrade in all things beautiful.4

I once thought about asking for my arm and leg back once I had gotten here and realized that maybe it was the wrong choice. But, I had to wonder. Where do you come from when you don't even love yourself? In any case, it won't matter. This complex is just another burnt out story, just like my own life. Well, if it ever sparked a flame of attention to begin with. I'm tired of letting people crush their wishes and waste pennies at the wishing well. It's time for me to go.5

Back inside this apartment where I can lay my head to rest, and dream of new days to come, and more ways to waste my time to avoid the outside world. I am a proud specimen, and I dedicate my life confined inside myself. You can't see it, but i'm truly smiling on the inside.