Messages

You are ignoring me. Everytime I try to catch your eye, you keep looking away and pretending I'm not there. The teachers rambles on about masses, but all I can think about is you.1

This isn't the first day you're doing this to me. Why? Why can't you look back and smile at me, like before?2

We were the best of friends so long ago, and yet... Yet we've grown apart. Does this means we have to walk two separate roads? Is this your silent message to me that we can't be friends anymore?3

I scribble down all my thoughts. Maybe if I pass this message to you... Maybe we could talk again... Maybe we could rebuild our friendship... We would salvage the friendship I don't want to lose.4

Maybe.5

And I write your name on the message.6

---7

You keep glancing my way, but I pretend not to notice. I know you're frustrated, but I have to do this. I need time to think about everything... about you. 8

Everytime you look away after trying to catch my eye, I turn to study your face. Your mouth holds an odd frown, and I know the frown was meant for me, and not at whatever the relief teacher was talking about.9

It hurts to see you so sad, even more by the fact your sadness was caused by me. But I... I have to.10

We have always been the best of friends, sharing anything and everything. And friendship blossomed and grew... until we were too close, and I had grown to love you.11

But... it's not right, is it? I mean, we're both boys - and still teenagers, and I'm in love with you. You'll just laugh at me. I think.12

---13

Recess comes not soon enough. I hold on to the message, written almost half an hour ago. In the end, I never had the courage to pass it to you. In my heart, I keep thinking that it might have been better if I could avoid confronting you, avoid dashing the last of my hopes...14

I approach the dustbin and threw my crumpled message inside. The message I hope you never see. The message I never wanted anyone else to see.15

But you come and take the paper out of the dustbin, with an inquiring look on your face.16

---17

I pick up that crumpled piece of paper you threw away, and I see my name, written in that neat handwriting of yours. And you only look away as I open your message and read...18

"Now you know," you mumble, and you try to run away.19

But I catch you, and all we do is stand there, eyes not daring to meet the other's, because for me, there is nothing I can say.20

"Let go," you cry out desperately. "I need to go."21

But I cannot let go. My arms are limp, and my heart beats fast. Just how much pain have I caused you...?22

---23

I know my face is red with shame, and though I struggle, you have always been the stronger one. "Please," I plead. "Just let me... go."24

There is silence. I ponder on your reaction. Will you hate me? Will you scream at me? Will you shove me, and laugh at me?25

"Hey."26

Your voice comes to me, gently. Frightened, I turn around, but all I can see through my tears is the smile you have on your face. The smile you're giving me once more.27

"We need to talk."28

Your voice sounds hesitant, but the smile, alone, comforts me enough. I follow you.29

---30

So now we stand on the roof, the both of us. You go to see on the ledge, legs dangling, your fingers clenched around a piece of tissue that contains your tears. The tears you cried for me.31

And the height, it doesn't scare you, not like it does to me.32

But how do I tell you?33

I don't know how to start, but already, I know it will be hard. I've read your pain, and it hurts me too.34

---35

What is it you want to say? What did you bring me to the roof for?36

Are we really going to end it all?37

But you smiled... for me.38

I won't cry. I won't cry. I won't...39

---40

"I love you."41

I cannot see your reaction, but fears makes me turn and run.42

---43

So I write another message. And I try to pass it on.44

---45

The teacher sighs as she opens the piece of paper and gazes at it curiously. Of all students she teaches, she had never expected Simon to write a message in class. "Jason," she reads off one side of the paper, and remembers how the other teachers have told her about Jason and Simon being really good friends.46

And when she flips the paper to see what is on the other side, she frowns, not understanding.47

Two words.48

"Me too."49