You’re sitting on the grass and it’s the middle of a party and no one saw you slip out, and you think someone might care - someone might notice - someone might follow, but no one does. It doesn’t disappoint you as much as you thought it would because instead you’re sitting on the grass smoking a cigarette to have something to keep your hands busy, shivering because you should have brought a sweater with you but instead all you brought was your skin. You lay back on the grass, and it’s dry and scratchy, not soft like you wish it was because you’ve imagined this moment before and it’s different than this; even though you strain your eyes there’s no stars because this isn’t a stupid dream, this is the San Joaquin and it’s smoggy as shit. Instead of stars there’s that hazy red cloud covering up a million white dots but you see one though - maybe two - and you cling to them, because the moment is still salvageable. And you sit there, and you’re waiting for something to happen because you think something must happen - something will happen - but nothing does, and you go back inside because it’s like everything else you know - nothing ever happens, no, it’s all just coming up short.
A contest entry
- (MAX of 5 sentences) Hair of the Dog, baby. Sooner or later we all gotta Dance With The Devil. by Shadow-Kissed.
375 points, ended June 30, 23 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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This is a really good piece. It's like it reminds me of something that's happened to me, but of course thats never happened to me. Hard to explain, eh?
The only thing that bothered me was the last line - "it’s all just coming up short." - it's like you wanted a kick ass ending but that's not how i would explain the story. It would be more like... maybe - it's just not hitting the mark.. - no not quite that, it doesn't quite sound right.. wateva, just a suggestion. It was a good piece.
----------------------------Melissa----------------------------
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Thanks so much!
And yeah, I agree it ended a little meh but since it was for a contest I had to stay inside the sentence limits even though I might have added something here and there. If I ever rewrite it I'll definitely take that into account though! Thanks!
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Wow. *chokes on words*
I loved this. A very honest, piece of writing. I think it's my favourite so far. So, welcome to the finalist's list.I wish you the best of luck in the contest, thanks for entering.
-Chantale
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Thank you!! :] And great contest!
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