And so she strolled like she did ever other day. The beach was her paradise and it held so much treasure. She never found anything of real value, possibly a broken necklace but the sense of adventure still thrilled her.1
She walked slowly along the sand, carefully running the metal detector over small patches od sand. The machine made a few beeps to signal beer bottlecaps. but she didnt give up.2
And then it went off. Like a crazed swarm of banshees, the detector beeped repeatedly.3
She pulled her small shovel out of her bag and brushed the first layer of sand away. Nothing. Another layer. Nothing. Another layer, and ah ha, what was this?4
She picked up the small piece of silver. It seemed to be an engagement ring of some sort. A very beautiful one. She ran her fingers over the inside and brushed the sand out of the inscription.5
"To my love. As long as this is on your finger, I am always with you"6
Author notes
This is my new story....i dont know how it's going to turn out, but i hope you like it....
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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Its pretty cool.. I hope you turn it into either an extra sweet romantic story, or a really chilly horror write.. please msg me the link when you finish this. It sounds real good.Kunjal.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 4, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 4.
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This is very intriguing, i wanna know what happens next! you gotta finish it lol! i have always wanted to run a metal detector along the beach hehe. anyhow, i really hope you plan to add more to this because i wanna know what you have in mind!! it's great so far, keep it up!~becky
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nice job. enjoyed.
Blu -
gee thats a long inscription....how big was that ring?
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a very beautiful and powerful piece full of feeling
great work
Molly -
I love the ending!
This story is really good. I love how you used the irony of the message on the ring. It's great
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Nice ending which can also be a great starting point for going forward. Very nice and reads well.
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Wow... Twisted ending. I had kinda expected something like that, but it still kinda hits you hard when you read it. Very short, but.. it says everything it needs to. Some of the other comments lead me to believe that you're thinking of continueing this... I'm not sure if you are. I suppose you could make it work if you did.. but I kinda like where it ends.
A guess a little background info on the main char would be nice. The story brought up the question: "What is she looking to find at the beach?" Because it made me feel as if she was looking for something specific, and not nesc. something valuable money wise.
Great write.
~Mist~ -
I can imagine the metal detactor here! Much to find in your words, such as, a small piece of silver, of gold in this case, Lovely piece!
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excellent
Great, little story! I love the end. It's sad, because the ring is no longer on her finger. And why did she need a ring for him to be with her?
There's a type-o in the second paragraph. "od" = "of"
"A very beautiful one." I would take "very" out here. Sometimes more is less (especially in writing).
Great little write!
~mi§tletoe~ -
i like it, i think it would make a grate story, i wana no more about the romantic ring all ready! write on,
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Good
very nice punch line. -
Good!!
Kind've ironic, but really good!! -
I like that. Nice irony with the ingraving. You have a good start on this. I would be interested to see where it goes.
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