I will survive

"Always be on the look for the good guys. An' I promise ya, son. There sure aint too many of us left... in fact, our numbers look pretty damn numbered."1

I looked at my fathers scar ridden face as he broke into a huge grin. Past his caked bloody lips I could see his yellow rotting teeth and bleeding gums from malnutrition. His eyes were determined but sad. Sad and scared. 2

"C'mon son. Lets go find some food."3

As I walked hand in hand with my dying father into the ruined city I glanced toward him and he looked back with full confidence. 4

Later we were split up when a truck rumbled by and gunmen started firing. I had run. Like the coward I was I had run as fast as my legs could take me towards the outskirts of the city. Behind me I heard screams, grunts, and gunshots.5

...I never saw my father again.6

***************************************************7

That was four years ago. I was seven at the time and I've never forgotten the lessons that man taught me.8

When i was dying in a ditch fevered and bleeding I heard his voice break through my delusions and crawled to the safety of a abandoned house.9

When I saw hundreds of wastelanders lined up and shot I remembered his words "Always look for the good guys". I knew what he meant when he said "there aint too many of us good guys".10

I'm eleven now. I've never seen a "good guy" and I believe it was a fable to begin with. There is just people. Some more animal than human, some more deprived than not.11

I'v seen acts that could've made me vomit for hours on end. Gnawed baby's bones, cooking human intestines, dozens of burnt skeletons. but I never vomited. I survived and I continued because in the end that's all I could do. In the end that's all anyone can do.12

I live in a horrid time. One too savage for civility, in a body too frail for survival. The lives that've flashed before my eyes have been meaningless jokes. Mayhaps we could've been something. I've seen the ruins. I'v looked at the burnt down cities and rotting towns. Humanity used to be something. We used to be great. We used to be awe-inspiring, in our methods and creations.13

But now....not so much.14

This is our humanity now. This flea ridden, disease infested waste of space. If I've learned anything it's that the human condition is something to be acknowledged but never judged, lest we kill ourselves out of disgust. We are animals. Nothing more. Nothing less. And if society was to return, and civility rise from its blood-ridden hypocritical ashes, nothing would change. We would not, we cannot change, even with the passing of time.15

Every morning I rise from a different bed to the same sight. Maybe there are "good guys" hiding somewhere in this monstrosity of a world. Maybe.16

But 'till then, I'll be waiting. I don't know for what. I don't know nor shall I ever, I suspect, until my time has come. 17

Maybe I'll be a "good guy". Or maybe I will SURVIVE...

Author notes

this is not my personal view. well, not entirely. i agree with this poor chap in certain ways but not all. i still have hope for humanity even though all i see around me is forced ingnorance, stubborn unwilligness, lust and greed.

alwaysrockon(i refuse to put slashes) and option about apokolypse. thats for your contest kitty.

A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have 0. (?) (Line numbers)
    Ratings:

Comments

1 - 42 of 42

  • XxXdark-soulXxX
    October 24
    Edit | Reply

    lol

    im doing this so i can see if my pic work


  • Dr. Psycho silver member
    September 26
    Edit | Reply
    Oops! I forgot your applause.


  • Animus Argentis
    September 25

    Edit | Reply

    Almost Mediocre

    Interesting dialogue, it definitely speaks of post apocalyptic hardships, people who've had a hard life and use words seldomly, and a degenerative speech pattern... Normally I wouldn't like this sort of speech, but I suppose in this story it works.

    You go way too quickly.... They're talking... They're walking, sad scared, bang he's dead. Hate to be harsh, but you obviously didn't put much thought into ur plot development. This is why I dislike fanfiction. It puts standards on an authors writing, someone elses standards. One could argue that a contest does much the same, but at least in that you are free to roam with you're own imagination.

    This could well be the journal, of an eleven year old, I'll give it that... And while that lends credibility to ur story, it also means you write like an eleven year old, and gives the reader reason to believe that fact, seeings as you do not progress past that age range.

    Your imagery hints at a good imagination, but ur descriptive phrases fall woefully short for a horror genre story.

    I do like these few lines here: 'Humanity used to be something. We used to be great. We used to be awe-inspiring, in our methods and creations,' tho i feel you could have elaborated on his despair a great deal.

    The next few lines as well hold a great deal of potential, but again, fall horrifically short of being an entertaining read, let alone even vaguely interesting.

    You have potential, and if you are eleven, well, I'd actually say you write a bit beyond ur years, but you have a long way to go.

    R.R

    beginning: 1, language: 2, plot: 1, ending: 2, dialog: 1, characters: 2.

  • Dr. Psycho silver member
    September 25

    Edit | Reply
    Great Job!

    I really liked how I could feel the surrounding instead of just reading it. This piece had a very Fallout 3 feel to it, and I can't think of anything bad about this.

    I find the Main Character to be unique in a sense. He's very young and is enduring a harsh life (Post-Apoclyptia, Death of the Father, and the savages around him) He is kinda inspiring, as not many people can live like this with a straight face.

    Also, I must commend you on using your personal views of today's life, and that is a very intelligent technique. Whether our civilization reaches this point or not, you raise a good view. I can think of many connections to this and our world;

    Excellent Job! and good luck in the contest.


    ~ MetalheadX


  • seasonsoflove
    September 22
    Edit | Reply
    This is really good!

    Plot: 4
    Language: 3
    Theme: 4
    Brownie points: 3

    Total: 14

    Good work!! Keep it up!!

  • rustic
    September 14

    Edit | Reply

    Sad-ish with a touch of hope

    In the end I suppose he chose to survive. I guess all you can do is put one foot in front of the other and keep it that way till the inevitable


  • Loopy Lou 1998
    August 25

    Edit | Reply
    Iwould have been very scared if that boy was me, it must be horrible to leave your father there to be killed. I really felt for the characters in this story. Carry on writing as good as this, and you will be great. louisethebeaver


  • lesbian-in-love
    August 22
    Edit | Reply
    This was good. I liked it! Thanks for entering and good luck to you!


  • slyly annonymous
    August 19

    Edit | Reply
    Really good, I like it. It's short but interesting to read, sad at many parts but I like the ending, it really ties everything together,
    Great job =]


  • Jack Necron
    August 18

    Edit | Reply
    This had elements of war and nuclear fallout in it. And I liked that. It also reminded me of various movies.

    This wasteland of a world described in a different way. Not just through details of the surroundings, but by emotions. The opening to this was grabbing, and I was interested the whole way through.

    You make us wonder if any good guys are still alive, and we hope that there are some. I feel bad for this character, he has only known a life of terror, depression and sadness. It also made me want to help this guy out, show him that there are still good people around.

    I have noticed by this and last story I read, that you like to make your readers think. You make them ponder about their personal views on the world today. I like that, it's a good style to have. I also liked that this guy wasn't given a name, it makes you wonder who he is.

    Overall, this was very well done, and it leaves us wondering if our world will turn out this way eventually.


  • Unice the geek
    August 18

    Edit | Reply
    This was interesting! It definitly captured my attention. The beginning kind of reminds me of my grandpa and dad, so that's probably why I read it. ^^ This was different! A fewThat was...
    REALLY COOL! I liked it, it reminded me of a movie called "I am Legend" good luck! Contest Entry
    This is true, I can feel for the charactor, in every way.

    But, the story is short, with not much explination. You could make it longer, it would add a lot to the story. Also some gramatrical errors were found, so see if you can pick them up.

    But, anyway, this was really good. And I enjoyed it,
    ~ Dream ♥ grammar mistakes here and there. This was well written and you expressed both your character's and your own views of the world quite clearly. I enjoyed reading this piece; it was a refreshing break from 'happy' stories. This story has excellent characterization, as well as a very well formed concept. Thank you for entering my contest and good luck! You're so painfully cynical hahaha! You always have a way of making me think and rethink things that my thoughts usually don't dwell on. Your version of the apocalypse is probably the most depressing I've heard--much worse than a black hole or grey goo, because it's a gradual and lengthy process and it could have easily been stopped by something as simple as compassion. Don't give up on humanity just yet, little narrator whose name I don't know! There's good out there if you know where to find it... thats a bit of my style i suppose lol. its not always depressing but the narrorator is ALWAYS anonyomus (unless its a real story i do have I'm going to find them! unless you haven't posted them yet... then I'll be sad and I'll have to pester you til you put a few >.<). For the first couple paragraphs, I was slightly confused about why you introduced the father and then had him killed almost immediately after. there was no emotional tie to him for the reader. But pretty amazing story after the father part. lol For the first couple paragraphs, I was slightly confused about why you introduced the father and then had him killed almost immediately after. there was no emotional tie to him for the reader. But pretty amazing story after the father part. lol I liked the piece. Especially the beginning about the father. "Good guys" depend on point of view. There are decent people out there, who do their best to do decent things - but no one´s perfect. keep writing. Nicely done, good read. Watch your punctuation and spelling however, makes the read more difficult. For ex:
    P11: There is just people ( there are just people)
    It's seems a small thing, but there are a few examples throughout this piece that a simple proofread would catch.
    That being said, I loved the phrase "One too savage for civility, in a body too frail for survival" in P13

    Thanks for entering my contestI like this, it's very well written and has a really good idea. The emotions are well laid onto the screen as words and it flows well! Great! Oooh. Nice with the deep words and heartfelt meanings there - and it's true. Humanity is such a proud, narcisisstice race. And if that really WERE the case in just a few years, I think many people would be unable to believe that humans would stoop that low, when actually it is very possible.

    Very nice.

    I think you could have elaborated more in the beginning, since there is when you're actually telling a story while the rest is description with no actual plot other than to make a point of humanity's weaknesses. You know. Also a little more description and sensory language could have been utilized before the stars.

    Good luck in the contest!


  • Therenaissancegirl
    August 15

    Edit | Reply
    You're so painfully cynical hahaha! You always have a way of making me think and rethink things that my thoughts usually don't dwell on. Your version of the apocalypse is probably the most depressing I've heard--much worse than a black hole or grey goo, because it's a gradual and lengthy process and it could have easily been stopped by something as simple as compassion. Don't give up on humanity just yet, little narrator whose name I don't know! There's good out there if you know where to find it...

    • alwaysrockon
      August 15
      Edit | Reply
      thats a bit of my style i suppose lol. its not always depressing but the narrorator is ALWAYS anonyomus (unless its a real story i do have a few >.<).

      • Therenaissancegirl
        August 15
        Edit | Reply
        I'm going to find them! unless you haven't posted them yet... then I'll be sad and I'll have to pester you til you put them up haha


  • Disasterous-Bastard
    August 14

    Edit | Reply
    For the first couple paragraphs, I was slightly confused about why you introduced the father and then had him killed almost immediately after. there was no emotional tie to him for the reader. But pretty amazing story after the father part. lol


  • MusicOfTheNight9
    August 8

    Edit | Reply
    that was pretty interesting thanks for entering it! good luck in my contest!

    Kudos,
    CreaterSk8er


  • Clary--Selene--Tayy gold member
    August 1

    Edit | Reply

    That was...

    REALLY COOL! I liked it, it reminded me of a movie called "I am Legend" good luck!


  • XxXDreamWeaverXxX
    July 19

    Edit | Reply

    Contest Entry

    This is true, I can feel for the charactor, in every way.

    But, the story is short, with not much explination. You could make it longer, it would add a lot to the story. Also some gramatrical errors were found, so see if you can pick them up.

    But, anyway, this was really good. And I enjoyed it,
    ~ Dream ♥


  • amanda vampiress silver member
    July 7

    Edit | Reply
    This was well written and you expressed both your character's and your own views of the world quite clearly. I enjoyed reading this piece; it was a refreshing break from 'happy' stories. This story has excellent characterization, as well as a very well formed concept. Thank you for entering my contest and good luck!


  • Dark Legend
    June 22

    Edit | Reply
    I liked the piece. Especially the beginning about the father. "Good guys" depend on point of view. There are decent people out there, who do their best to do decent things - but no one´s perfect. keep writing.


  • colinlinder
    June 21

    Edit | Reply
    Nicely done, good read. Watch your punctuation and spelling however, makes the read more difficult. For ex:
    P11: There is just people ( there are just people)
    It's seems a small thing, but there are a few examples throughout this piece that a simple proofread would catch.
    That being said, I loved the phrase "One too savage for civility, in a body too frail for survival" in P13

    Thanks for entering my contest


  • andhearts. ox
    June 21
    Edit | Reply
    I liked this. T'was fun to read


  • Lithron
    June 17

    Edit | Reply
    Good! I think that this is a great, if very scary, apocalyptic world. The only thing is that the capitalization was a little off at times, but other than that, great!
    Good job, and keep writing!
    Lithron


  • Asfand
    June 17

    Edit | Reply
    I like this, it's very well written and has a really good idea. The emotions are well laid onto the screen as words and it flows well! Great!


  • legnA-livE
    June 17
    Edit | Reply
    thats really good!!


  • Jennywinnie
    June 17

    Edit | Reply
    Great charctrization here.

    p5 later we split up

    Very awesom imagination...I just death and doomsday stories.

    You could probably just cut out p8

    Some more animal than human...some more deprived than not...awesome wording!

    Great job


  • bakermiddle
    June 17

    Edit | Reply
    This was deep. Not too long ago, I was thinking about the foolish decisions that humanity is making that will ultimately lead to its own destruction. This was refreshing in that someone else has the same thoughts. Good job!


  • Mag the Chodja gold member
    June 17

    Edit | Reply
    Sweetness. Kinda paints the image of a post-apocalyptic society. Very nicely done.

    I especially love paragraph 15. You may not agree with the point entirely, but that paragraphs holds some truth. Even if it is cynical.

    You have an issue with commas, they're missing throughout. A few spelling errors, nothing major. Otherwise, good read. ^^
    I'm tempted to read more.


  • Reaver Greeters member
    June 16

    Edit | Reply
    Very wonderful read!

    I liked all the description…especially …flea ridden, disease-infested waste of space… You did really well in that aspect.

    You do need a proofread, some missing ‘,’s and some missed words and spelling blunders…verb confusion in some places as well.

    Overall, it was a really entertaining read. Great work!
    ~R


  • Diary-chan
    June 16

    Edit | Reply
    Oooh. Nice with the deep words and heartfelt meanings there - and it's true. Humanity is such a proud, narcisisstice race. And if that really WERE the case in just a few years, I think many people would be unable to believe that humans would stoop that low, when actually it is very possible.

    Very nice.

    I think you could have elaborated more in the beginning, since there is when you're actually telling a story while the rest is description with no actual plot other than to make a point of humanity's weaknesses. You know. Also a little more description and sensory language could have been utilized before the stars.

    Good luck in the contest!

    ~Kitty


  • Mrose23
    June 15
    Edit | Reply

    Wow

    This is impressive. Dramatic but in a good way. It shows your point. Very beautiful.


  • iDifferent-
    June 15

    Edit | Reply
    This story has a wonderful message.
    There were a few grammatical errors, but I'll leave those for the merciless critics.

    Good luck in my contest,
    ♥RayneFall♥


  • Neomaxizoondweebie
    June 14

    Edit | Reply

    LOVELY!

    Wow, great write! This story had a message, and I love how you don't find it out until the end. The father dying thing was brilliant as well. There were a few spelling errors here and there but nothing that got in the way of my reading it. AWESOME! This is my favorite one of your works! :]

    Also, it seems as though it could definitely be extended. Who is this main character? Why did the world come to be this way? Will he survive? Is his father really dead?

    My vote is that you continue this!

    • alwaysrockon
      June 14
      Edit | Reply
      thank you


      i don't really know how i would contenue a story like this though. the father is definatly worm food (sadly) and i rightously have no idea how the world came to shambles. the main character is some boy. thats it, just a boy.

      it was definatly inspired by "the road" but it s NOT fanfic or "based off"....just inspired by.

      but thanks again

  • graybeard
    June 14

    Edit | Reply
    Good write here! I agree with some of the views expressed in this piece. Society does seem to be on a downward spiral.

    • alwaysrockon
      June 14
      Edit | Reply
      thank you friend

      does it make snese though? can you understand the setting, and everything that happens ?


  • Meep
    June 14

    Edit | Reply
    This was interesting! It definitly captured my attention. The beginning kind of reminds me of my grandpa and dad, so that's probably why I read it. ^^ This was different! A few grammar mistakes here and there.


  • BigSouth
    June 14

    Edit | Reply
    so this was basically amazing ^_^
    couldn't stop reading, and you totally captured my attention
    great job!!!

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