The clocked winked at me. Sitting in this waiting room made me feel lonely and terrible. The room was all white and around me were people waiting ,feeling the same way I did. I was listening to the hum of the vending machine and the scent of cleaning supplies was all I could smell ,even though it was not very clean here. 12
I did not feel at home here and I knew Kayla did not either. Kayla and I have been friends for as long as I could remember. Three months ago they discovered a tumor in her brain. We have always had fun together and the thought that after this we may not be able to have that anymore. When we were younger we would have sleepovers.. We would do all of the typical stuff at our sleepovers. Stay up late, eat snacks, paint each others nails, and talk about boys. Once she told me she would never leave me and we would be best friends forever. 34
At first her cancer was not bad but then it took a turn for the worst. Kayla was in the hospital often getting chemo therapy. 56
The nurse entered the room. 78
Amanda, Kayla is ready for you now, She said. 910
How is she? 1112
The tumor is growing. Luckily, this is the type of tumor that they can remove with surgery. 1314
I walked into her room. She was pale and had lost all of her hair. It has been so long since I have seen her. I didnt even recognize her. 1516
When will she be getting her surgery, I said, I really miss her. 1718
In a few days. They want to remove it as soon as possible. 1920
I was glad to hear that. I wanted Kayla to be back to normal.. She was like a sister to me and I loved her. 2122
It was time for me to go home. I would be back in a few days, the day of her surgery. 23 24
25 26
This time sitting in the chair was nerve-racking. It felt like I was waiting for a century. I fell asleep to the hum of the vending machine. 2728
Time passed quickly then. The nurse woke me up to tell me the surgery was successful. 2930
Kayla could come home in a week if everything went right. We could continue to have sleepovers and we could be best friends forever. 3132
To think she almost left me. . . 3334
35
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A contest entry
- What'll we have? [Options contest] by Holey Pastry.
300 points, ended June 21, 13 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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You never know what you really have until you've lost it.
Sad how true this can be, doens't it? I liked the original plotline of this, simple yet sweet idea, though I think it cpuld do on a little more elboration.
All in all, great job!
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Wow! Two stories with "The clock winked" in a row. I must be lucky! And they're both vastly different in context.
I found this story to have a great premise, but I do believe it could have been thought out a little more and gone a little slower. It was a short story with a lot happening in it, yet I feel like I still have no idea what it was about.
Not that I hated it! It sounds like a great idea. Just some small things that I, personally, would have done. But that's me.
Thanks so much for entering!
<3 H.P. -
You've got some tense problems and some spelling mistakes. I like the concept of the story, although at times I got a little lost. One moment you're saying they're always together the next they've not seen each other in a while?
The concept is a good one, you should definitely consider expanding this piece with slightly more detail. If you have any questions please feel free to message me and I'll give more in depth suggestions.
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i thought that it was really good for your first story even though you spelled pasted wrong so you might want to fix that. keep writing and you'll get better real soon. Who knows? you could be writing like the pros one day. Keep it up!
-Stryker
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