Secrets: Chapter I


 1

The Garcias were held in reverance, not the plastic reverance that graced neither the red carpet, nor the cheap reverance directors showed to A-Class artists. No. This reverance came from hearts that were truly in awe. The Garcias had overtaken the cinema industry in a mere five year span. Anthony Garcia was now one of the richest men in the world, head of Aurastudios, the most successful studio in over fifty years, a position that had firmly rooted him into the soil of politics, power and influence. His wife Camilla, the lovely Italian supermodel whose career seemed far from over, still flashed on the covers of Time, Vogue, Mode and Elle. 2

The Garcias, hence, had nearly everything they desired and in the winter of 1990, they had been graced with a beautiful son. Alessio, they named him, meaning 'the defender'. Alessio turned out to be a spitting image of his father: the same rugged but handsome looks, sharp, clear eyes and a charming good-natured smile. Alessio thought he had a lovely childhood. Busy as his parents were, they found time for him. He registered into a private school in Beverly Hills. He thought it was futile. He would of course, be inheriting Anthony's studio, but his father would have none of it. His son would not be some spineless, doddery boy - he would be a businessman to the bone. And for that, he had to study. 3

Alessio was a good child: never greedy, sometimes clever, but always obedient. His mother was an educated model, and she raised him well. His father, though he had no formal education, was a hard-lined disciplinarian but a loving role model too. So, Alessio shaped out as his parents had dreamed. 4

Money gave them time to spend with their son and it gave Alessio everything he needed.5

So, life continued for him in a manner of perfection. Until his seventeenth birthday. That was the day everything changed.6

29th December dawned clear and crisp and cold. That morning, while the Garcia family took breakfast in the kitchen of their hundred-million-dollar estate house (somehow Anthony and Camilla had never made use of their three dinning rooms), Alessio laughed out aloud. There, at the bottom of his milkshake glass, was what could only be percieved as a set of car keys. 7

Typical, he thought. His mother and father loved surprising their son and he loved being surprised. 8

"Awesome, you guys," he said, fervently shaking the keys out and kissing them. 9

"Wait till you see the rest," said Camilla, winking. Even in the early morning, she looked trimmed and sexy, her red hair like flaming copper, rested gracefully on the shoulders of her pale-gold Gucci dress.   10

"Aha! Come one, kiddo," Anthony said, smiling slyly. They left the kitchen and made their way to the front lawns. 11

The moment he looked outside, Alessio's mouth dropped open. There, gleaming in the sunlight like a star-speckled, glorious monument of perfection was a Bugatti Veyron, Alessio's million-dollar baby. The sides were like gleaming silver, with an incandescent black streak in the middle. Alessio thought he was about to faint. He looked at his parents and gave them a quick hug then rushed over to the car, still feeling this was some euphoric dream. 12

"I love you guys," he said, pulling the car door open. The inside was lush, hand-knit leather, imported and crafted with skill unmatched. It still had that faint smell of newness. Fresh from the industry, through Alessio.13

He started the car and the soft hum of the engine was like music to his ears. It felt great. 14

Little did he know that later this day, his life would change forever. 15

16


*17

18


Elated beyond his imagination, the first call Alessio made was to his girlfriend, daughter of the Grammy-winning Rapper Carlos Hummingway. 19

"Hey babe, Julie, guess who just got a brand new Bugatti?" 20

"Yes, a Veyron."21

"I am not shitting you."22

"Dead serious!" 23

"Ahan, you wanna go for a cruise?" 24

"Be there in a few minutes."25

"Fine."26

"Please, don't -"27

"Oh - ah! Fine, lub' you two, happy?"28

He snapped the mobile shut, grinning still. Life was so good. 29

30


*31

32


Alessio liked Julie for several reasons, all of them ultimately boiling down to how great her ass looked. She was half-black from her father's side, with angled eyes and a hot body. Though she was not a simple girl, Alessio liked her. He drove to her house, almost at a crawling speed and went straight up to her room, only to find her sitting on her bed in pyjamas screaming at her pet parrot, a naughty snob of a bird. 33

"Beer tastes funny. Beer tastes funny. Beer. Beer. Beer." It croaked loudly. 34

"No, you idiot! Oh god!" Julie screamed. 35

"What's wrong?" Alessio asked. 36

"What's wrong? The bloody thing is broken is what's wrong!" she shrieked. 37

Oh god, thought Alessio. Another rich-girl tantrum. 38

"The thing keeps saying beer!"39

"So?"40

"So? Oh my god, so?"41

"Yea, so?"42

"Look at this face, Leo, look at it! This face cannot have a pet that says beer!"43

Alessio felt like kicking himself. And he was dating this. But nothing could tamper with his mood, he was still happy, though mildly confused. 44

"Just, let it go, Julie," 45

But Julie was not even listening. She strode to her closet and pried it open, taking out a mountain-load of clothes. Small, expensive dresses from Prada and Versace. Casual Abercrombie's. Matching purses and a hundred belts by Gucci. Julie took a bundle and levelled it to the parrot's eyes. 46

"Say Prada!"47

"Say Gucci!"48

"Say fuckin' Hollister!"49

The parrot was silent and then opened its mouth and said, "Beer."50

51


*52

53


Alessio quietly slipped out of her room, leaving the air of insanity behind him, taking it all in with good humor. Julir needed some time alone. Whatever happened up there, Alessio knew he would never see poor Mika the Parrot again. He started the car again and cruised around Hollywood, smirking at the people that looked at him with envious eyes. A Bugatti Veyron could pry a man's look away from a naked woman. 54

The afternoon whizzed by and soon drowning sun hued the sky. Alessio had taken two rounds around Hollywood, enjoying the wonderful sights of the elegant, tall villas and estates and the green that surrounded them. 55

His phone buzzed suddenly. A text. 56

COME HOME
PREMIER OF VAL WOX MURDER
8:00 PM SHARP57

Reluctantly, Alessio turned the car around. 58

59


*60

61


He shovered, changed into a tuxedo, a navy blue Versace and livened himself up with his favorite cologne, the Black Polo. He waited for his parents downstairs in the living room. It was a large hall, with a seventy-inch plasma screen on the wall and plush, leather couches aligned along the walls. An original painting by Bantsy hung adorned one side. 62

He and father were going for the premier alone. His mother was off to an official function. As the spokesperson of Royale she was often called in unexpectedly. 63

His mother came inside, her olive skin practically glowing. She wore a white cotton suit, with an elegant skirt and a furry scarf draped around herself. 64

"Okay, honey, have fun!" 65

Alessio watched her walk out. 66

Seconds later, his father's mobile buzzed. It was right beside him. Alessio opened it.67

AN EYE FOR AN EYE GARCIA
MAY CAMILLA R.I.P68

Alessio rushed to the door, heart beating fast. 69

The limousine sped towards the gate. 70

And then the car exploded. 71

72

73


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Author notes

Username: Asfand

For Val's Contest:

Older entry: Wedding Bells

In a list

A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 25 of 25

  • Valkyrie silver member
    July 16

    Edit | Reply
    More engrossing than your earlier entry. There's more background and detail, as well as more characterization to draw me into caring about the characters. Your description of the main character was thorough without being overbearing.

    Still saw a few SPaG errors wandering about; perhaps an earlier comment mentioned some suggestions?

    Characterization of the girlfriend was well done, and hilarious! I didn't really follow why Alessio went to see her and then left without saying goodbye.

    Texting was a great touch; very up to date. I loved the characterization of his father texting him imperatively; went very well with earlier explanation of dad's personality.

    Ending again was powerful! You, sir, have a gift for packing a punch and yanking the reader into your story. It's present in your older story as well, and seems to have been a talent of yours for a while now.

    The settings were much more fleshed out than in the earlier story; I could place Alessio in different scenes and watch him interact in them.

    Good improvement over your older story. Overall, it's much more fleshed out, with character, description, setting. Plot is definitely more understandable in this piece, and you're just getting started. Excellent story! Thanks for entering it in my contest!


  • Mmm, I liked it. I found the background well-developed and the characters well-done. I was a bit confused about the relationship between Alession and Julie, though. I couldn't tell if he actually cared about her or not. Interesting thing at the end, though, I'm interested to see where you will go with it.


  • citcat
    July 11
    Edit | Reply
    great work. it was realy good. thanks for entering

  • You certainly have talent. Your characters are colorful and the dialogue realistic .

    Your plot is interesting and once the long narrative ended took on a life of its own

  • rda10294
    June 26
    Edit | Reply
    couldn't take my eyes off it.

    beginning: 1, language: 4, plot: 4, ending: 5, dialog: 2, characters: 3.


  • Glitflyer
    June 26
    Edit | Reply

    Great Write

    Awesome!!! So So Incredible!!! Don't stop here....


  • bethann93
    June 25

    Edit | Reply

    Wow.

    That was incredible. A masterpiece. Seriously, you have talent. All of the detail made me keep reading! Great job! Please, please continue,

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.

  • Zazius
    June 24

    Edit | Reply
    That was amazing. I have never read a story like it. Continue plz I beg you.
    You should get this published once you finish. I mean it.

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.


  • Cupcake14
    June 24
    Edit | Reply
    That was....unexpected.
    What an ending. It was a masterpiece, I tell you.


  • BigSouth
    June 23

    Edit | Reply
    this was AWESOME!
    totally fell in love with it!
    i love descriptions and detail, and whoo this totally got me into it ^_^
    i could see everything in my mind ^_^
    can't wait to read more!
    amazzing write


    • Asfand
      June 23
      Edit | Reply
      Hey! I'm so glad you liked! Thanks for the comment!!!


  • LindaIsMe
    June 22

    Edit | Reply
    I only noticed a small amount of mistakes that I could pick up not looking for them. Neither nor and either or is the way it goes Somewhere along the lines you spelled Julies name wrong too, but I really enjoyed it. When the cell buzzed at the end i expected something bad, and boy did something bad happen. Can't wait to read the next part!!


  • kaekay
    June 22
    Edit | Reply
    Whoa, surprising ending! But great!!!


  • Benwater
    June 21

    Edit | Reply
    This was CRAZY! The ending was unexpected and made goosbumps pop up on my arms and neck. This was really good! You could leave the story at this, but otherwise it would prove a good first chapter of somthing longer!
    Really good... What you could write as a continuation of this beginning is immensely varied, but you have really created great suspense here. Might want to take advantage of that!

    beginning: 4, language: 3, plot: 4, ending: 5, dialog: 3, characters: 4.


  • colinlinder
    June 21

    Edit | Reply
    Good read once again asfand, you have yet to disappoint me. Looking forward to chapter two, and that's the mark of a good writer ... he leaves you wanting more

  • Oh wow! That was awesome! Great write!


  • Meep
    June 21
    Edit | Reply
    That's a really good story! You have to continue!


  • BrumDubai
    June 21

    Edit | Reply
    Good! Like, really good!! I like very much.
    Well crafted characters and story line and very intelligently written!
    Am now in anticipation for the next

    Have some clappy smileys XD


  • Aaez
    June 21

    Edit | Reply
    Ooooooooooooooo!!!
    I love it!
    It's SUCH a great story.
    I love Rich lifestyles.
    I'm jealous.
    I WANT THAT CAR!
    But the car was cool.
    And I think somewhere you spelled Julie's name wrong. =o
    Go through that.
    But good story!
    You better continue! =O

  • Holy smoke. I didn't see the end coming, though you did hint at something rather early on in the story. Wow, was this some good stuff to read on a Friday afternoon. I really am drawn in by the way you describe, and also your characters. They definitely possess totally different personalities, especially the bird.

    I cannot wait to see where you take this. It was really entertaining, from beginning to end. YOU HAVE TO CONTINUE. You can't just stop with "And then the car exploded." That just wouldn't be...right. A rich kid who has something this bad happen to them is just...wow. YOU HAVE TO CONTINUE. I am so drawn in, you wouldn't believe it.

    I have a few suggestions:

    Par 1: Not the plastic reverance that graced the red carpet, nor [neither the red carpet nor] the cheap reverance directors showed to A-Class artists. / The Garcia Family [family] had overtaken the cinema industry in a mere five year span.

    Par 2: The Garcias, hence, had nearly everything they desired and in the winter of 1990, they had been graced with a beautiful son. [The Garcia’s, hence, had nearly everything they desired. In the winter of 1990, they were graced with a beautiful son.] / He would[,] of course, be inheriting his Anthony's [his Anthony’s????] studio, but his father would have none of it.

    Par 3: Alessio was a good child. Never greedy, sometimes clever but always obedient. [Alessio was a good child: never greedy, sometimes clever, but always obedient.]

    Par 5: Until, [no comma] his seventeenth birthday.

    Par 6: That morning, while the Garcia family took breakfast in the kitchen of their hundred-million-dollar estate house - somehow Anthony and Camilla had never made use of their three dinning rooms - Alessio laughed out aloud. [That morning, while the Garcia family took breakfast in the kitchen of their hundred-million-dollar estate house (somehow Anthony and Camilla had never made use of their three dining rooms), Alesio laugh aloud.] There[,] at the bottom of his milkshake glass, was what could only be percieved as a set of car keys.

    Par 10: "Aha! Come one [on], kiddo," Anthony said, smiling slyly as they all left [simply: they left] the kitchen and went into the lawns. [Specify which lawn.]

    Par 11: He looked at his parent [parents] and gave them a quick hug [,] then rushed over to the car, still feeling this was some euphoric dream.

    Par 12: Fresh from the indsutry, through Alessio. [Fresh from the industry, thought Alessio.]

    Par 14: Little did he know that later this day, his life would change forever. [I would delete this sentence. You’re giving away early what will later come as more of a shock.]

    Par 21, 23, 24, and 25. Instead of ending with commas, I recommend you use periods.

    Par 49: The parrot was silent and then opened it's [its] mouth and said, "Beer."

    Par 54: The afternoon whizzed by and soon [the] drowning sun hued the sky.

    Par 61: He got shovered and changed into a tuxedo, a navy blue Versace and livened himself up with his favorite perfume, the Black Polo. [He showered, changed into a navy blue Versace tuxedo, and livened himself up with his favorite cologne, Black Polo.]

    Par 62: As the spokesperson of Royale [,] she was often called in unexpectedly.

    Par 63: His mother came inside, her olive-skin [no hyphen] practically glowing.

    PLEASE. PLEASE. PLEASE continue. You have definitely gotten yourself a fan.

    • Asfand
      June 19

      Edit | Reply
      You are an angel! I swear! That was the best most sweetest comment ever! Thank you, you just made my life easier with all the edits! God bless you!!!

      I will most definitely be continuing!!!


  • Emelite
    June 14

    Edit | Reply
    fulfilled my vriteria very well. note some typos, and there's a part "tamper with his mood" maybe you can change to "dampen his mood", and uh "dusk was on the horizon"? I never seen any such expressions before.
    overall, this is a great story, with a nice plot. i'm looking foward to the rest of the chapters(:


  • hannahhacker
    June 13

    Edit | Reply
    A great plot going on.

    Good description of the characters. The story is full of conversations that add to the suspense.

    I love the ending, very mafioso.

    Great work

1 - 25 of 25