To think that her entire 23 years of life came down to this; a discarded pile of junk stacked high in a soggy cardboard box. The rain had drenched her clothes long ago, making the fabric cling to her shivering form like a second skin. It dripped from her chin and weighed down her hair but that was easily overlooked. She could go back to her car, back to the warmth of a running heater, but why bother? What was the point when all she ever apparently needed was sitting right before her on the curb next to the trash bin; a broken picture frame, one cracked vase, Shakespeare's sonnets, and two empty wrappers of bubble-gum. Overhead, the thunder continued to roll in livid waves as if sensing her inner turmoil. Sure, she could break down. Throw a tantrum. Demand answers from a lying, cheating boyfriend. But everyone knew, that in the rain, tears amounted to nothing.
Author notes
It's strange, but I have an acute fear of all farm life. It stems from the books, 'A Day No Pigs Would Die,' and of course 'Animal Farm.' I realize that pigs and horses are in fact not neonazi Fascists and are not trying to dominate the human population, but I can't seem to shake it. This irrational fear of Old MacDonald's fauna preference has haunted me since my days in Jr. English. But seeing as you asked so nicely in your list of rules, if I had to consent to accepting the existence of a single farm creature, it would have to be a chicken..... I like eggs.
A contest entry
- Show me what you're made of...in one paragraph by DogsLookUp.
1000 points, ended June 17, 16 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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Loved this! Very intense and gorgeously written. I could vividly see this poor, broken young woman shivering in the rain like a stray dog; her pitiful belongings strewn before her.
I'm surprised that this doesn't have more views...
It was a powerful, heart-breaking, and everything I was looking for in this contest. There were a few spelling errors, but nothing major:
"Too think" should be "to."
"Making the fabric suction onto her shivering form." I would change suction to "cling" so it reads: "Making the fabric cling to her shivering form."
"Over head" is one word.
"Overhead the thunder continued to roll in livid waves as if sensing her inner turmoil." Put a comma after "overhead"--it makes the sentence easier to read. By the way, that's a beautiful similie.
Fantastic job. Thanks for entering, you're a finalist.
P.S. you forgot to include a favorite farm animal in your Author's notes!
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Thanks so much for the kind review and the corrections! I also added my farm animal answer, though it may not be the type of answer you were looking for....
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"But everyone knew that in the rain, tears amounted to nothing" How poetic is that? Nice job on the descriptions and details of what the 23-year-old was going through. Good luck.
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