Demons in My Mind

Running, I try to find
some place inside my mind
where the demons do not dwell,
where they do not shriek and yell.1

They will give me no reprieve
and myself I do deceive
when I dream of being free,
none give attention to my plea.2

As my strength begins to fade
I no longer can evade
their demands for me to smile,
to play their game for awhile.3

I see the knife beside my bed
and it fills my heart with dread
but their shouts become a flood,
they cannot wait to see the blood.4

Suddenly I stand behind him
pulled along by their evil whim
with my hand grasping the knife,
poised to take his life.5

One last attempt to abate
before my hand seals his fate
I see to have been in vain,
as the point drives into a vein6

My life becomes like a dream
as I hear his dying scream
muffled by their joyous cheers,
the world blurry with my tears.7

I sink onto the now damp floor
with a thought I do abhor
though I fought this in the start,
it is to me a work of art.8

Now the voices are my friends
with whom I have truly made amends
I am blissful to be forever entwined,
with the demons in my mind.9

Author notes

So this is my first attempt at poetry. I was thinking about writing a story along these lines and just turned it into some form of poetry-like material.

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 22 of 22

  • Onomarith
    November 9

    Edit | Reply

    IT IS TO ME A WORK OF ART

    So true!
    the poem has a very nice idea which keeps the flow smooth. You have used some metaphor so you get extra credit for that
    Also thy rhyming was good. Points added for this too. (though some parts do not rhyme as they should do)
    You have chosen one of my favorite structures; four lines ina a stanza....rhyming aabb. Have a look at my poem titled Poets at work, don't rhyme http://storywrite.com/story/354856

    overall, the poem is very good read. Thnx for entering in my contest. Best of luck

    • Adinatak
      November 9

      Edit | Reply
      I'm glad you enjoyed this because it's my first work of poetry ever!

  • Rustic
    November 8
    Edit | Reply

    twas an enjoying read


  • ForestFaery
    September 13

    Edit | Reply
    interesting write... i enjoyed reading it. Enthralling really thank you for entering


  • DemApples
    September 5

    Edit | Reply
    sounds to me like a schitzopherenic woman killed her lover...am i right or close?


  • Miss Recondite
    August 11

    Edit | Reply
    Your attempt at poetry was very nice. Not the best, mind you.

    You still made me eager to read more, and I want to read more of your poems. I wixh you luck in the hand at poetry. Thank you for entering.

    xoxo Incondite. Lies.

    • Adinatak
      August 11
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks so much. I don't know if I'll ever do anymore poetry, but if I do I'd be quite pleased if you'd read it.


  • andhearts. ox
    July 19
    Edit | Reply
    Nice writing, good luck in my contest; hope you do well


  • Clary--Selene--Tayy gold member
    July 5
    Edit | Reply
    Very...emo haha nice.


  • Dual.Of.Fireflies
    June 21
    Edit | Reply
    Wonderful. Welcome to the finalists list!!!

  • SilentMoonDance
    June 19

    Edit | Reply

    nice...

    This is beautifully written with a great rhyme scheme. It's very dark and emotional, but vivid in telling.
    Great job and good luck!


  • Neomaxizoondweebie
    June 19

    Edit | Reply
    HOE! Don't say I'm better than you at writing! LOOK AT THIS! YOU SEE THAT POEM RIGHT THERE, ABOVE MY COMMENT?! That's really good! That's like, an amazingly awesome piece of dark loveliness! Girl, you can write. That's what reading a lot tends to do. ;]
    YAY FOR GOOD WRITERS!


  • MJs-Angel
    June 18

    Edit | Reply
    For your first attempt...it was pretty good. You conveyed the story very well, as Rosemary said. I loved the way you used your figures of speech!
    Great luck in the contest!


    -Lydia May (Angel)

    • Adinatak
      June 18
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks a bunch. I don't know if I'll ever do anymore poetry but if I do I'll work on my mechanics more.


  • Rosemary silver member
    June 16
    Edit | Reply

    Nice attempt

    A bit morbid for my tastes, but I thought you conveyed the story well.

  • Non Paix
    June 13

    Edit | Reply
    You are very welcome. You have potential to be a very good poetic writer, you just need to really read it over multiple times to be able to truly tell if it is ready to post, or if it needs a little bit of work first

  • Non Paix
    June 13
    Edit | Reply
    This was not bad, some rhymes seemed kind of forced, and certain lines could use some work...A little hint: If you read your poems outloud to yourself a few times, you will be able to pick up more easily on any parts that may need work. That is what I usually do...it tends to help your writing improve a LOT.

    Good job for your first shot at poetry though

    • Adinatak
      June 13
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks a lot for the comment. I'll work on that next time.

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