The door screeched as I pushed it slightly with my finger, an open invitation for any who dare enter. The house looked unwelcoming, almost as if its two darkened bay windows were eyes…watching my every move. However, I had to confront him whether I lived or died; Died from a ruined reputation that is. 1
For the fifth time tonight I began to wonder whether visiting Aiden Chalmers-Viscount X- was a sensible idea to begin with. After all, it was highly improper for a respectable lady to be alone with a man without a chaperon. The Viscount's notoriety had spread all the way to Eagle Lake, London. It was whispered that the unlucky women who found themselves within the Viscount’s arms indulged in appetites so dark and delicious the women never spoke of them; aside from retreating from society in shame. 2
I drew the hood up on my cloak to shield my flaming cheeks as a chill sped down my spine. My gloved hands anxiously gripped the edges of my cloak as I discovered I was at a cross roads. 3
Should I proceed regardless? Or shall I return home? I thought. 4
Gathering my courage I stepped into the house, blinking rapidly as my eye sight adjusted to the illumination. The house was extremely unfurnished; consisting of a fireplace and worn spring mattress. I audibly gulped.5
I pivoted in place -silently admitting to myself for once that I was wrong- deciding to return in the day time when the door eerily clicked shut. Between me and the door stood Aiden dressed in a black suit. 6
"Miss Evans, you wicked girl," the Viscount drolled, "It is unbecoming of a young lady to be about so late at night and unaccompanied. Why have you come?"7
"Aiden," I muttered nervously, "I received your letter of invitation and here I am." I ran my fluttering hands over the front of my dress to grant them something to do. 8
He noticed and stepped forward deftly grasping my hands within his own. My breath caught within my chest as my thoughts seemed to spiral out of control. 9
Portia you stupid girl. You've risked your reputation to fulfill this man's request; regardless that the Viscount is rumored to be a vampire. If he sought your affections then he would attain them as any other gentleman would. Unless he desires something else!10
My eyes widened at the thought and the words tumbled out of my mouth before I could stop myself, "Are you a vampire?" 11
The Viscount looked amused as a wiry smile lit his face. "It's a pity you believe such rubbish, but I am indeed a most blood thirsty fiend." he paused, green eyes lustfully gazing at my throat. 12
"I sent the letter in the hopes that you would confront me but I never expected that you'd accept so willingly. You see I have become quite taken with you." He smiled exposing the tips of a pair of fangs. 13
"Aiden," I said, beginning to struggle as his grip tightened on my slender fingers, "I think I have overstayed my welcome. I must be going now."14
His deep masculine laugh had the hairs on the back of my neck standing on end. "I'm afraid you aren't going anywhere, pet."15
As he came at me the last thought I had was the headline for tomorrows paper. 16
"Miss Portia Evans - Missing"17
18
Author notes
This was written as a contest entry. I have never written any story less than at least 1,000 words. So please tell me what you think.
In a list
A contest entry
- Anything under 1000 (BIG POINTS) by Reaver.
1150 points, ended June 21, 14 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Original Vampire Stories by AngelicSorrow.
500 points, ended June 29, 9 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - bring it to the top 2 by Karbear12345.
100 points, ended July 1, 15 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Anything Under 1000 Words. by andhearts. ox.
100 points, ended July 10, 31 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Vampires, werewoves, faires, and any other "myth" creatures!! by StarOfDreams23.
292 points, ended September 20, 20 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Anything and Everything! ENTER! by Sheilasbabygal4life.
325 points, ended October 15, 99 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 38 of 38
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Nicely written. I enjoyed reading this! Thank you for entering and best of luck too you in the contest.
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Great job! I liked it! you made the vampire into a old time vamp and that was a very wonderful read. Thank you for entering and good luck in my contest!!!
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 4, ending: 4, dialog: 4, characters: 3.
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Thank you for the read and comment. I'm thrilled that you enjoyed my little tale. Good luck judging your contest.
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Wonderful Work!
This truly is a piece of good, short storytelling. I understand the diffficulty of writing under 1k words
but you seemed to have done very well with this, nonetheless, so great job
I did catch some small grammatical/punctuation/spelling errors that I hope you do not mind me including in this review.
P1: However, I had to confront him whether I lived or died; Died from a ruined reputation that is.
no capitalization necessary for 'Died' after the semi-colon.
P12: The Viscount looked amused as a wiry smile lit his face.
wiry? did you mean wry?
P13: You see I have become quite taken with you." He smiled exposing the tips of a pair of fangs.
comma after 'see'
P16: As he came at me the last thought I had was the headline for tomorrows paper.
comma after 'me'. tomorrow's
Overall, this was quite an enjoyable read and I really liked this. In such a few amount of words, you managed to captivate and entertain me 
I look forward to reading more of your work!
beginning: 4, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 4, characters: 4.
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I think, for someone who's used to writing 1,000+, that you did a remarkable job. I can sense the fear she has and I can see where she is, so the descriptions were rather good. Other than a few grammatical things I saw, I think you did a really remarkable job. I love your word choice.
You've been belatedly hoodwinked.
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Thank you very much for the read and comment! I appreciate it. I will have to go back through the story to pick out the errors then; thanks for reminding me. lol
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Great x
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Thank you for reading and commenting on my story.
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This wasn't bad at all. I like the initial description of the Viscount's house, although more could certainly be added. Regardless of the fact that it was written for a short story contest there is definitely nothing that says you can't expand upon it, especially since it is off to such a good start. I think that you should write more to this as I am very curious as to what Aiden put in that letter that made her go to him, at night, alone, when she knew that her reputation would most likely end up in tatters. I also think you should go into more detail about what the Viscount looks like.
If I may say so, this seems like the prologue to one of those books that starts you off at almost the very end and then the meat of the story is describing what led up to that point. It would be an interesting way to go about it at the very least.
One last thing, I caught one error.
P12. When it says he paused and is lustfully looking at Portia's throat, 'he' should be capitalized.
Other than that I think you did a great job. It was certainly worth the time spent reading it.
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I love it...a lot...it has detail..and good portraying...though maybe surroundings could be given more in depth...and emotions...show emotions!!1 I wanna see her fear, her curiosity, her doubt.
This could turn into a good novel, this could be a good prologue....anyways...Very good enjoyed.
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Hmm ... I do wonder why she came if she all but knew he was a vampire.
but this was expertly written, and I loved the ending.
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Thank you for reading my story and commenting. She went to visit him because he sent an invitation requesting her company. It was rumored that he was a vampire, and she thought just that; that it was just a rumor. lol Thank you again for reading and commenting.
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Ohh...what will happen to poor Portia? Every detail and emotion is perfect. I love this story. Excellent job!
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Hi AngelicSorrow! Thank you for stopping by to read and comment on my story. I'm thrilled that you enjoyed it.
Well at the end, I said that her last thought was what the headline for tomorrows paper would be. 'Portia Evans - Missing'. I meant for that to be an ending signifying that she was killed. I suppose though, if I wanted to, I could use that ending as a twist and write another part with Portia waking up as a vampire. *shrugs* Thanks again, and good luck in your contest!
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Hey Amanda,
Good short story here! Well written.
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Thank you for reading and commenting on my story. I'm glad you liked it.
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Wonderful!
I loved the beginning paragraph and the imagery it brings to mind. It is so hard to write stories under a 1,000... You however did a wonderful job.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Thank you! I'm so glad that you enjoyed my story.
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You say this is your first story of less than 1,000 words; and I say well done.
I'm not a vampire reader per se, but I did enjoy this little treat.
I don't know whether to have pity for Portia, or to say it's her own fault, either way, she got herself into a whole heap of bother by accepting the invitation.
The scenario is good; it's well written and described in such a way as to show me the setting; a beautiful piece of writing.
To top it all, I noticed nothing to edit.
A good piece of writing skill all round.
Thanks for sharing
Lawrie
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Hello Lawrie,
Thank you for the very kind comment, as well as for taking your time to read and comment on my story. I'm thrilled that you enjoyed it. Yes, this was my very first time writing anything below 1,000 words. Thank you again for the read and comment.
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I Love your discriptive talent. Your just amazing at it. This short little tale was very good. Well written and was easy to imagine everything going on. This was a great read. Keep it up.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Hey Kismet Krazy! Thank you for reading my story and commenting. I appreciate the feedback. I'm thrilled that you enjoyed my story! Thank you again.
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good work, you are a finalist
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Wow! Thank you for the read and comment! I'm glad that you enjoyed my story.
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very good story
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Thank you for reading my story. I'm glad you enjoyed it.
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i like it
beginning: 3, language: 3, plot: 5, ending: 4, dialog: 3, characters: 4.
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Thanks! I'm glad you liked my story.
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It's a Great (with a capital G) intro, a very good start for a story. I was hooked from the first sentence.
beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 4, ending: 4, dialog: 4, characters: 4.
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Thank you for reading and commenting! I'm happy that you liked my story.
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O.o
*shudders* Ending...ending...woah! The descriptions are so vivid and beautiful! I love the way you worded the body-language and sounds, I felt like I was there, in the room, hearing everything so clearly! Great title! It fit the story perfectly! My stomach literally lurched at the end! Really creepy thoughts! 
Overall, fantastic job! You did excellent in grasping the reader's attention and emotions!
~Lissy
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Haha Thank you for reading and commenting on my story Friesian! I'm glad that you liked it. I will be writing more to this very soon, and might possibly turn it into a short story.
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Oh Wow, I loved this story. The beginning really draws me into it, I love how you describe the windows being like eyes. .Creepy!, Is there going to be more?
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Thanks for reading and commenting on my story. I'm pleased that you enjoyed it. Yes, there will definitely be more to this story.
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Very well written I was draw right into the seens. I too would like to see where you go from here. Very very well creatfive.
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Thanks VL for reading and commenting. I am going to try and write more for this over the course of this week.
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As you know I love vampire stories and this is a good beginng of a story. I liked the way you introduced your main characters. I would like to see where you go from here. I liked you imagay so far it is well written
language: 4, plot: 4, dialog: 4, characters: 4.
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Thank you Silkcatseye! I'm pleased that you enjoyed my story. For this story I was only allowed t use 500 words since it was a contest entry. However, I will be adding more to this in the future.
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