Who Am I? ( Chapter 14 )

“No not forever. Only for a while. I know that you don’t understand this but it is something I have to do.”1

"I do understand. I knew this day would come, I just hoped that you would be 18 and able to do it on your own. I have a household to run, your father has his business, he won’t be back for weeks. We can’t just up and leave.”2

She said.3

“That’s not what I meant at all…I am going to do this…Alone.” I said waiting for the fireworks to explode.4

“Hayleigh you are 16 years old. You can’t go across the country side on your own. Anything could happen to you.” Mum gasped.5

“Mum I am not a child anymore. I will be fine. I am going to do this with or without your blessing, although I would like you to be okay with it.” I said.6

“I don’t think that you have thought this through, what if you get all the way up there and find nothing?” 7

“Simple I will come back home.” 8

“What if you get there and find her, and she wants nothing to do with you?” 9

“Gees mum! I know you are upset but that was harsh!” I cried.10

“No it wasn’t I am being realistic. You say that you are not a child anymore, so I am going to stop treating you like one and tell it like it is. You could meet her only to have her spit in your face. Are you ready for that to happen?”11

“I am…If that happens well….then it does. At least I will know. I won’t be sitting her wondering about her.”12

“No you will be lying on your bed crying, wondering why she doesn’t want you.”13

“Yeah Mum maybe at first, wouldn’t you? I’m human. But in time I will be fine.” I said.14

“I am so proud of you Hayleigh.” She said from out of nowhere, my actions lately were nothing to be proud of.15

“Proud of me? Why?” I asked puzzled.16

“Don’t think I don’t know what is going on with you. I know how hard things have been for you lately, you have handled it all very well. I also know how close you are to Luca; I heard your argument with him the other day. I know how hard it was to let go of him. But if that is how you feel, you did the right thing.”17

Wait a minute….She knew how close I was to Luca? So did that mean she knew that I was having sex? No. I knew that if she even suspected that, we would be having a very different conversation. 18

“I am not sure how true my feelings are for him, I don’t want to lead him on and have it not work out. I don’t want him to get bored with me and dump me. I have been a complete jerk all my life; I don’t deserve to be with a guy like him. He deserves to be with a nice girl.”19

“How can you say that? You are a nice girl?” 20

“Yeah to people like me, I have been so caught up in all the meaningless crap. I’ve been so self-centred. All I think about is me; I don’t even notice anyone else. Not even Taylor and we are best friends! All my friends turned their backs on me all because I looked like shit the other day.”21

“You can’t please everyone Hayles, and you can’t like everyone. You have grown up with money and all the nice things in life, it isn’t your fault. That doesn’t make you a bad person.”22

“How I act makes me a bad person, but that’s gonna change. I can’t stand it anymore. Money doesn’t make better than someone else, neither do looks all it makes you is more fortunate.”23

“Well there you go, that is what makes you different from the person you were. You are growing up and realising that there are more important things in life and as for your friends forget about them honey. They will always run around worrying about what’s on their faces, putting people down to make themselves feel better. I don’t want to pry into your life but I know that your feelings for Luca are deep; you can see it in your eyes. You will see it as you get older honey.”24

“Thanks Mum, you always knows just what to say.” I smiled. 25

“Well I am your Mother that is my job. Give yourself a break you are only 16; you have at least another two years before you need to start thinking about settling down or marriage.”26

“I know, I just I don’t know.” I laughed.27

“And if this is something you feel you really need to do, then I am not going to hold you back. I have been thinking about this for a long time. I don’t like it but it isn’t my decision to make. I will call the airline and arrange a flight as soon as you want to leave.”28

“No Mum, that is fine, I said I am going to do this on my own. That includes paying for it as well.” 29

“Honey.” She started but I didn’t give her a chance to finish. 30

“I appreciate the offer I really do Mum, but I need to do this for me. I need to learn how to fend for myself. I will arrange it all and let you know.”31

“I just wish that this wasn’t happening. Knowing that this was going to happen someday doesn’t make it any easier.”32

“I will be back, this is my home, and you will always be my Mother. But I need to find her, I can’t explain why but I do.”33

“That means so much to me Hayles. You are my little girl. Your father and I always wanted four kids; two boys and two girls. I was devastated when I found out I couldn’t have more after Jamie. Then you showed up on out front door and out family was complete. You were our little miracle baby. I have loved you since the first day I laid eyes on you, you are MY daughter and no one is going to tell me any different.” 34

“Aw Mum, I didn’t know you can’t have more babies.” I sighed.35

“No one does only you and your father. I don’t care hun; I have the family I always wanted, two boys and two girls.” She smiled. 36

“I love you Mum.” I said giving her a hug,37

“I love you too sweetie.” She replied and left my room. 38

I found my money tin and emptied the contents of it onto my bed. There wasn’t that much in it after all. I had never been one for saving, there was always those “must” have shoes, pants, earrings, hairstyle etc that I simply couldn’t do without. Well all my shoes and crap weren’t going to get me anywhere now. 39

$111.55c I counted all up. That would definitely not buy me a ticket to Pewter Heads; it wouldn’t even fly me to Sunshine Lake. 40

Now if I had of listened to my parents I could have had my Provisional Plates and driven myself there, but we won’t think about that. 41

The scooter…..I was allowed to drive that, but call me stuck up but a 16 hour scooter ride didn’t really appeal to me. I decided to call up and enquire about my last resort. A BUS. Okay so it isn’t the flashiest way to travel, but it would get me there in one piece. 42

The lady on the phone was really nice, she booked me a ticket for two weeks away and it would cost me $99 one way, leaving me with a whopping $12.55c spending money. Which didn’t really bother me, I wasn’t going for a shopping spree. I was going to find my Mother.43

After having a refreshing shower I decided to go and visit Taylor, she was back now and I was dieing to see her. 44

I knew that I took her friendship for granted. I felt like we had drifted apart over the past year. I was so caught up in myself and Luca I didn’t even say goodbye before she went away. That had never happened before. I rode my scooter to her house, her house was really nice. It was a two story brick house; the lawns were the greenest of green, her gardens full of pink, red and white roses. Her room was out the back. It was kind of like a Pool house.  I walked in her room to find her laying on her bed with the music turned up all the way. 45