Left broken hearted and sanded he was turned down by his one true love. The girl he had fought so hard for, and tried so hard not to lose her to the vampiric overlord Cain had chosen a ”good enough” relationship over what they could have had. This upset him to the point that his soul had lost its flame. Even of revenge of Caine stealing his one true love away he could not flue it enough to get the heartache of loosing Natianna. We find Razors path leading him through this darkened forest the clean cool air of spring living his lungs and the breath taking view sets his eyes to wonder as he concentrated hard on the scenery to throw off the thoughts in his head. He would store them there until he saw use , or light of them, but for now it was no use drowning himself in sorrow he must live first and condition that life second. That was the first rule of the vampiric way of life. his heavy boots barely disturbed the ground as his skilled feet lightly glided over the dirt road that had been well beaten for some number of years. The tall oak trees stood strong at in the sight of their years they have seen over a hundred years pass by. This, he thought as he stopped in front of them, is one of natures gifts I now get to share. On the inside the human that once was Josh rain smiled brightly, but the outside stood the figure of a dark hunter, not vicious as some may portray but calm collected and well aware of every living breathing thing around him. His eyes gently scanned every movement. His pupils moved quicker than the eye could tell. If you blinked you might miss if a vampire of his experience looked at you or just blinked. He thought about this and another inquisitive smirk creased his mouth this time the outer exterior took the same form but not of arrogance like the human inside of him but like the hunter that was the vampire. His legs stiffened his eyes glanced up quickly surveying the depth and distance of the jump to be made nearly seconds later as he jumped he looked down observing what he was dodging from sight. ”Damn drunkards…”his deep voice mumbled as they slid idly by leaning on one another muttering something about “that lively tavern up yonder”. Razor thought about this for a moment and the two souls of the boy, Josh, and the hunter, Razor infused into the one soul that was this time entirely the hunters spirit. He leaped silently from tree to tree . The occasional leaf falling with the muffled vibration of the tree branch. He cupped the branch in his hand before planting his feet on it as not to make noise as they had thought him to. A very simple trick that would leave even the most wise of hunters turning and wondering if his pray and ever even been there. At last he jumped from the tall dog wood tree at the edge of the forest that the path had lead him though to his destination, the tavern, a large one, but large or small it was sure to at least have one patron in side of it. He felt alone. Distant. He needs the energy of the others in the tavern so he could postpone feeding for a few more days. He slid silently into the tavern almost unnoticed and he sat directly in the center of the tavern as not to draw attention to himself. Most sat in the back in a corner somewhere so he chose to sit directly in the middle and act casual absorbing in the rich vibrant energy of those that where still sober. He could not do the same with the ones passed out or drunk. Too many toxins. That would harm his body and make him sick. He sat there for a long moment feeding off the energy in the room.1
Author notes
tell me what you think and Ill type more if the reponce is positive
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
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loved it!!!
well i thought this was really good and personally i think that you dont have to change a thing i completely understood it any ways i was totally in tune with the characters i loved it keep up the great work!!!!!!!!!!!! -
An intersting start, looking forward to reading more.
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ok I think I fixed everything. so hope this works better^_^
`Josh Rain` -
good start
First, I'll start off with some minor mistakes I saw, That I thought I'd point out:
"and tried so hard not to loose"
I think it should be
"and tried so hard not to LOSE"
relation ship = relationship
"path leading him thought"
I think it should be
"path leading him THROUGH"
"hard on the scenery to through off the thoughts "
I think it should be
"hard on the scenery to THROW off the thoughts "
"branch in his hand before planing his feet on"
"branch in his hand before PLANTING his feet on"
"Most sat in the back in a corner some were "
"most sat in the back in a corner SOMEWHERE "
Okay lol Sorry to be anal.. But, Sometimes the mistakes threw me off and I had to re-read it a bit, So I thought I'd point those out so you could fix them if you choose to. ANYWAYS...
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Okay, I liked this
.. I would of liked for the first part to intrigue me more, Because I think the opening should always leave the reader wanting more. Although this was good, And it gave the reader (Or atleast me) the feel of the characters mood. One tip, Is that when writing a story, Never center align, But that's a personal preference I think lol.. Another tip is I think you should have seperated the paragraphs and broken the story up, It would have made it read so much easier (Again, Just my opinion).. Anyways.. I don't mean to offend by any of this, Just trying to help out some,
Not that it's my place to.. I just like when someone gives me pointers. But I'm sorry if I've offended you, And I hope you continue writing this story, I'd love to see where it goes.
♥ Mena


