The sound of tears

She woke to the sound of glass breaking.1

Her innocent curiosity drew her to the door as she tried to force away the sleep.2

Creeping quietly, slowly as to not allow the floorboards beneath her to creak.3

She sat on the top stair, looking down between the posts, holding onto the teddy bear that he gave her 2 weeks earlier for her fifth birthday.4

She saw her mother crying as she busied herself cleaning up the mess on the floor.5

The sound of the tears seemed to echo through the hall, they seemed to have become the soundtrack to her life. 6

She couldn't hear him, he wasn't yelling, but she assumed he was there. He had broken the mirror and made her mother cry.7

She tried not to make a sound, she didn't want to be noticed. If he saw her,she knew she would be sorry. His shadow appeared on the wall in the dimly lit room and she panicked. Dropping the bear, she ran back to her room and shut the door.8

Cowering beneath the covers she heard footsteps. He was coming up the stairs. 9

She heard her doorknob being turned and she pretended to sleep. She couldn't see him, but she sensed him there at her door. Even from across the room she could smell the whiskey on his breath. She felt nauseous, terrified that he would know she was awake. But after a minute or so he closed the door and she could breathe again.10

She was too terrified to sleep. Laying in the dark with the covers over her head, she prayed. She prayed for her mother, for her sister, for her brother ..and for him. She prayed that he would leave them and simply disappear. 11

When she finally drifted off she began to dream. It was her fifth birthday party again. She was so happy. Things were different.. Her mother wasn't crying , it felt like they were a family again. She smiled and everyone was laughing, playing games. He was there too. But he wasn't being mean to her that day. He handed her a package wrapped in blue paper with a pink bow. He had never given her anything before, she was so excited. She tore open the package and her eyes brightened at the sight. It was a teddy bear. He was white, his fur was soft. She smiled at him and he hugged her. The touch surprised her. It was gentle and loving, not at all what she was used to. She ran off to play with her new toy and showed it to all of her friends. 12

The next morning she woke up to her mother sitting in a rocking chair across from her bed, cradling the bear in her arms as if it were a baby. "You dropped this.." she said through the tears streaming down her bruised face. The small girl climbed onto her mothers lap and wrapped her arms around her neck. They sat there, rocking back and forth crying together for a long time.13

At breakfast nobody said a word. Pushing the food around of her plate but having no desire to eat, she looked around at the faces of her family. No smiles, no laughs, only silence. Her older brother Kyle sat across from her with his headphones on, ignoring the world around him. Her sister Becky applied a fresh coat of lipstick and stared into the mirror at her reflection. Nobody seemed to notice her. She didn't want to look at her mother. The bruise on her right cheek was now a dark purple color that made her cringe. She reached up to put her hand over her own cheek, as if to absorb some of her mother's pain. 14

When everyone was finished eating the dishes were carried to the sink and everyone rushed off, eager to be anywhere but home. Her brother and sister went to school, her father left for work and she was finally alone with her mother. That was her favorite time of day. She loved to spend time with her mother, helping her with laundry and other daily chores. Some days they would watch cartoons, and they would laugh and play games. It was almost as if she was the woman she had been before he started drinking. But only for those few hours.15

Her brother and sister got home from school around 3 'o' clock and after that there was only another 2 hours until her father came home. She dreaded it every day. She never knew if he would come home and be happy or if he would have a bad day and decide to go straight to the bottle. Those days seemed to come more often. Sometimes he would even drink on a good day..to celibrate he said. But either way it ended the same. He would always find someway to blame her mother for whatever went wrong.16

Her brother and sister were in their rooms doing what ever it was brothers and sisters did. She was left alone in front of the TV and soon became bored. Her mother was making dinner and didn't need to be disturbed, so she found ways to amuse herself. 17

Laying on the coffee table was a blue photo album she had never seen before. It was full of pictures , old black and white photos of people who looked like the had never had a bad day.18

One picture stood out to her. It was a picture of a young man, he was so handsome, and he was smiling. he had a beautiful smile, and even without the color she could see a sparkle in his eye.19

She hadn't noticed her mother come up behind her, until she was sitting down next to her and took the book into her lap.20

"That was your father" she said softly. the girl's eyes widened with surprise. "he wasnt always...this way you know"..she added in a sad tone. Her mother then walked away choking back tears. She didnt want to break down again in front of her daughter.21

She took the picture out from behind the plastic cover and went up to her room. Holding it in her hands, she tried so hard to remember anything about the man she saw in the picture. But she had never known him, her father was not the same man. She placed the photo under her pillow and lay down to take a nap, hoping to dream again about that day she felt loved.22