In and Out of Bed

What wakes you up in the middle of the night?1

What phantom ghost whispers to you, mumbling, sipping, hissing faintly silvery to the corner of your ear2

I heard it too, you know3

But that's not how you awake, beauty
No cold hand or rudeness
It doesn't seem as if your eyes are closed, but they are
It's so warm and wonderful
With you beside me, breathing just as deeply
And in that instant it's bliss to just lay there, remember the visitors of head glow memory visions
And pretend that you were there, two inches away
Reading my thoughts with the scanner you've implanted
In your all-knowing palm4

But eventually it's time to rise
Sheet and all
Hugging your tired ankles
Somehow you've devised a single tiny crystal to sprout from your temple
With which you watch the carpet floor
I'm breathing and watching, half lidded and heavy as you stumble over books and clothes, magic light done no harm5

I heard it too, you know, I ponder as you are in the kitchen, fumbling with the midnight machinery6

I'm thinking of your legs, your beautiful knees, toes, knuckles, ribs and chin. You're beautiful.
"You're beautiful," I call out, and you return lovely, smiling.
What else is there to do but make love again?
We're both awake, have been all night
For all I know7

"Why can't we go to sleep?"
Stupid questions, five hours later and the sun is beginning to gleam
"I think it's because we're too infatuated with each other."

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Comments

1 - 10 of 10

  • Queen Mab gold member
    August 5

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    It leaves me feeling so snuggly and warm. The characters have a great relationship. The writing is superb. A very interesting style and I love your use of language.

    ~Mab

  • MajorTom
    June 29

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    The overall quality of this actually surprised me. You promptly and gracefully navigate through treacherous terrain that has been (and will be) the death of lesser writers and I applaud you. I wanted to call this poetry, but I won't. So there. What I see here is somebody grabbing their stones (metaphorically) and taking command of language like they should (protip: however they want). I'm going to go look at your other work and see if I can determine how much of this was intentional.


    • hobo kiti
      June 29
      Edit | Reply
      Good lord I'm blushing. Thank you so much and no, I'm not sure what to call it either. I'd direct you to some of my writing I'm more proud of, but hell, you can find it yourself. Thank you so much for commenting- such a complement I just don't know what to do with myself.

  • John Reid
    June 27

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    Very good and interestng . You used a great vocabulary and wrote the piece beautifully. I couldn't see any part that let you down. 9/10 from me. Great job, Its something I could read again. And regarding to the comment about this should be only for adults. I think this is fine for any ages. Why should it be adult only?

  • Wow this was an extremely interesting piece. It really stirs questions in the readers mind. Well done.

    -Chantale

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.


  • Crys Moro
    June 25
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    Very intense, and very well writen. Keep up the good work!

  • I like this; however, I don't think it's totally appropriate for all ages and should be labeled under adult. But that's just my opinion.

  • its good(;

  • interesting.......
    i like it

1 - 10 of 10