She sits on the same spot on the lawn watching Neil play football with his buddies. Only this time it’s ten months later and she’s no longer nervous about talking to him when he gets through with his game. The gentle breeze is a reminder of that day and of how it felt. Neil tosses the football back to his friend and glides over to where she sits in the shade, her book ignored in her lap. He gives her a light peck on the lips and looks at her.1
“You’re beautiful.” He says this softly and kindly as he stares into her grey eyes. She giggles and wants to argue, and normally she would, but right now the moment is too right. Everything is too perfect to ruin. Instead she just looks away from his gaze and down at her hands. She can only resist looking away for so long before her eyes meet his again. This time she leans in for the kiss.2
“You know what? I think I have a crush on you.” He jokingly looks away pretending to look embarrassed. 3
“Oh yeah? I wouldn’t know how it feels. Remember I don’t get crushes.” She looks at him a begins to laugh as soon as the words escape her lips. He chuckles and runs his hand up her arm to her neck, pulling her toward him for a sweet kiss. 4
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Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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cool though i think she shouldnt have made it so easy for the guy considering all the emotion jamboree he put her through. but hey its ur story not mine!
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ahhh. now i really am pleased for them- if only life was this simple. but well done
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IT WAS GREAT
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AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW THIS IS MAJORILY SWEET!!
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This was a very good ending!
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awww keep going! Thats adorable still lol
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This is very sweet and playful and innocent in all it's brilliantly written, the images were great and I liked the difrent tones of power within the story it really drew the reader in again thank you for the link to your contest it was fun to write in hopefuly you'll enjoy it..
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WOW WOW WOW AND WOW i loved this story from beginning to end....goood write
~Krystal -
awww this is really good, i think im going to go read the others!! lol the ending was so cute, it left the reader imagining what its like very sweet good job with this xXxXx <3 *Jordan**
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I'll be honest, I don't often read short stories of this genre, so I'm out of my depth somewhat. However I have read some and I can see this is a classical example of this genre, in a good way.
You have some good pyschological observations, which I think could be developed more. I like the positive upbeat ending, the sense of closure we get. Also like how we got to look at things from different perspectives during the progression of the short stories. This is all from an initial reading, will be looking at the stories more carefully with a notepad in my hand jotting down thoughts, as they occur. -
Loved it!
wow! i just read the whole series. very very good. especially the end part. it was short, but sweet. it ended the series perfect. i love writing short stories, espeically when they come in series. this was very very good. i espeically liked the end when Neil told her that he has a crush on her. i can relate to this because i have been dating my current girlfriend for about 9 months and i tell her that think i have a crush on you all the time. so it was nice to see that. although, i do feel somehwat bad for joe. u should write an epilogue showing joe with a girl just as happy, so i dont feel bad for him. ahahah, anyway, i loved this series, and i hope u write some more...very good -
This last comment was written by a personal friend of the author's.
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Great job. I expect more work, young lady.
Of all the work of yours I've read, I like this the best. It seems more heartfelt, and I've already told you that you that I think you write best about what you know. This may be fiction, but you can tell there's emotional attachment to the thoughts and the connotations involved. You write well, and your grammar is good. It flows easily, and the sentences are not overly convoluted. It's lighthearted, but most can relate to it, and that makes it a piece for broad audiences and not just a selective genre. Keep working. -
well, that ended kinda fast but it was sweet! this is a great story!
Lia
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