Forever and Always

The laughter of children echo in my mind like ghosts of the past.  They run towards each other, colliding, falling to the ground with shrieks of laughter. I force myself to look at the slide, where kids pile up like a bad car wreck. A heavy set kid is at the bottom of the slide, holding the whole charade up.

                                                          ---1

Just focus on breathing, I tell myself. They’re not really there. It’s all in your head. Inhale. Great, hold it. Exhale. Excellent! But they’re still there – I can’t rid of them. They’ll always be there, even when I’m not looking, torturing somebody else. I pull my legs up and rest my head on my knees. The red bench I’m sitting on squeaks from my rocking back and forth.2

                                                          ---3

One by one, mothers come to pick up their children. All until only one little girl is left. She doesn’t seem to notice she’s alone, though. Instead, she keeps swinging like there’s nothing in the world that can bother her. Then, she’s not swinging anymore and now she’s standing in front of me. I look into her eyes, which are bright red and gleaming. She smiles, showing razor teeth, all in a perfect row. So sharp…4

                                                          ---5

I whimper and close my eyes. Go away! I start muttering things to myself, too afraid to open my eyes.6

“Excuse me,” somebody says, taping me on the shoulder. “Are you alright?”7

I open my eyes and stare at the man in front of me. His hair is brown and curly, thick lips, chocolate eyes…8

                                                          ---9

She’s not in front of me anymore, playing on the merry-go-round. Again, she doesn’t notice she’s alone. The swing she was swinging on earlier is swaying slightly in the breeze. She looks so peaceful, like a normal child, but those thoughts are wrong. She’s a torturer.10

                                                          ---11

“I’m fine,” I manage out. “Thanks.”12

“If you’re sure,” he says, looking wearily. Before parting, he gives me one last look. I decide then and there that I need help – it’s obvious I’m freaking other people out. But who would believe me? I’m helpless, alone in the world. A lost cause.13

                                                          ---14

The child is totally gone now – nowhere in sight. But now he appears before me, his hair still brown and curly, but his chocolate eyes are replaced with red ones. “Die,” he hisses before reaching at me.15

                                                          ---16

I wander down the dark streets now, heading to my apartment. I speed up. Shadows loom in the darkness. Something moves in the darkness and I jump. With a small laugh at myself for being so scared by a shadow, I continue on. They’re not real, I mutter under my breath. But they are there! They’re there as bright as day, and they’ll never go away, a voice in the back of my head whispered. 17

                                                          ---18

It comes out of the shadows. This time not a person, or a what, but an it. It doesn’t have any eyes or mouth, just a big black shadow. It comes closer to me and I’m frozen in place. It starts coming up my legs, like black smoke, and soon has me enveloped in it’s blackness.19

                                                          ---20

My legs take control of themselves and now I’m running. Too afraid to look behind me or anywhere, I look straight ahead. I come to my apartment, and pull out my key. With shaky fingers, I try to get it in the lock but end up dropping it. Cursing, I pick it up and open the door and rush in, slamming it shut behind me. I lean against it and fall to the floor.21

                                                          ---22

It came from everywhere; surrounding me. It’s nothing, but it surrounds me, taunting me, torturing me. It reaches for me, jabbing me, pulling me.

“Leave me alone!” I scream at it.

It continues to prod at me, not giving an ounce of mercy. “We’ll never leave you alone. Wherever you go, we go. We can be best friends forever and always.”23

                                                          ---
 
With a whimper, I fall over. They’re everywhere; there’s no escape. No matter where I go, they’ll find me. There’s no place to hide, no place to run to, nothing to comfort me. I’m alone, helpless, mad. The laughter of children echo in my mind along with voices chanting: you’ll never escape.24