Chapter 20

Chapter 201

Cold. Lifeless. Corpse. Wooden. Open. Casket. 2

At least it’s pretty… A pretty cold, lifeless corpse. That is my best friend. And a pretty open casket which holds my best friend.3

I never thought I’d have to see this again so soon. Everyone is dressed in black. Mom is standing over the casket staring at her daughter. Her face is tear-stained and it looks like she hasn’t slept in years. Arianna’s dad is sitting in a folding chair at the back of the room. His face is buried in his hands and his shoulders are shaking. He’s crying and probably has a hangover. 4

I feel no connection to him whatsoever.5

I walk over to Mrs. Costa’s side and glance at her. She looks too, and then turns to embrace me. She holds me tightly for a few seconds then lets go, not meeting my eyes, and walks over to her mother. 6

Arianna’s whole family flew in from Italy to see her. They’re all really nice, I guess. At least the ones I’ve talked to. 7

Lately Mom’s been hard to understand… but it’s okay. Everything’s been hard to understand since Arianna died. Kids just don’t belong in caskets. 8

The reasons clear for why she did it. It’s just I don’t want to believe she’s gone. 9

Autumn, Anabelle, Aiden, Teigan and Quinn are all outside. They said they couldn’t handle the atmosphere any longer. It’s understandable. Who wants to be in a room full of crying people?10

I can’t cry and I feel really bad about it. 11

I know Arianna wouldn’t want us to be sad. I’m pretty sure she wasn’t expecting anyone to really care. But we do. 12

Donnie’s here. He had the audacity to show up, the fuckin’ bastard. I’m surprised no one tried to kill him yet. It’s not like they know… He’s hiding in the corner by the door. His expression is blank. I can’t tell what he’s thinking. 13

I kind of wish I could read his mind. 14

Arianna looks so peaceful just lying there. Just like Adam and my mom did. So calm, like they’re asleep having a really good dream. 15

They funeral director put her in a dress. We made a list of things they should dress her in and gave them a picture of her typical make up style. They got the clothes wrong. Kind of. Apparently there’s a leakage problem because they had to cut her open for an autopsy? Autopsy, yeah. So no shirts and pants and all that.16

She’s in a hot pink dress though, at least they got the color right. 17

Oh wait, that’s her dress from homecoming, I knew it looked familiar.18

Half her body’s covered in a blanket her Nana made so I can’t see her feet but I don’t think she’s wearing any shoes. I don’t think they can wear shoes. Her hair looks nice and straight and there’s a cute bow in it that matches her dress. Her nails also match. I love it. 19

The flowers around her spell out ‘WE LOVE YOU’, it’s rather clever if you ask me.20

Inside the casket with her is a CD with songs that Aiden and Teigan wrote for her on it, the drawing Anabelle did of her, the scrapbook Quinn made and my half of our friendship necklace. I’m keeping the bracelet. 21

“Hey…” I murmur, sitting down on the curb next to Aiden. 22

Everyone’s lined up on the sidewalk having a cigarette. 23

“Hey, how’s everything in there?” He whispers, exhaling. 24

I pull a cigarette out for myself and light it, inhale, exhale, “Horrible.” 25

“Yeah… this is really shitty.” He puts out his cigarette on the bottom of his new black converse.26

We’re all wearing the same thing. Black dress shirt, black skinny jeans and all black converses. 27

“Hey Anika,” Teigan leans foreword to look at me. She’s been crying, her eyes are red. 28

“Hey..” I stop, “You guys remember that time when we were all at Arianna’s house and we got locked out?” 29

“Ah, yeah, I remember that, hah…” Anabelle says.30

“Ha, I remember ‘You guys have anything? Like a credit card?’” Quinn repeats Arianna’s words from that night. 31

“Oh, yeah! ‘Arianna, we have cigarettes and lighters.’” Teigan mimics me next.32

“Haha, ‘Seriously? Okay, we’re going around the front, don’t step on dog shit.’” Anabelle chuckles out Arianna’s words. 33

“Ah, yeah, and then Aiden had to help get into her dad’s car so we could get the garage remote.” Quinn recalls. 34

We all laugh, remembering this night. It was a ‘you-had-to-be-there’ kind of thing. 35

“She wouldn’t want us to be sad, guys.” I tell them.36

They all nod. 37

“So, you just found her in the car?” Teigan asks.38

“Yeah. She looked like she was asleep. I was so happy I’d found her that I didn’t even notice anything… the engine, the tube, nothing.” 39

“That’s awful, I’m sorry, Anika… that you had to find her like that..” Quinn folds her arms over her knees as she leans foreword. 40

“Eh, yeah, it’s okay.” I get up from the curb and start to walk back inside. Everyone stays where they are.41

I tap on Donnie’s shoulder as soon as I get back in to the room. He looks up at me. Surprised I guess.42

“Come here, now.” I pull him up and out of the room and to the hall a few feet from the door.43

“You know this is all your fucking fault, right?” 44

He looks at me like I’m insane.45

“Read this shit.” I toss Arianna’s suicide note at him. 46

He unfolds it and reads quickly then folds it up and hands it back.47

“Despite all the bullshit you put her through and STILL she says she loves you. Loves you, Donnie. And look at what you did to her.”48

He looks down for a second then back up, “I didn’t do anything wrong.”49

“What the fuck? Are you shitting me right now? You beat that girl, you slapped her. Might as well of put a leash on her. And not only that, you raped her. You raped her, impregnated her. She took the rap for that too, mind you. And I heard you at my party. I didn’t know what it was about at the time. But I know now. You wanted her to get rid of it or else you would help with that.” Everything shot out of my mouth like bullets. He stood there staring at me. He had no one to beat now. No one but himself. 50

Donnie didn’t say anything to me. He turned on his heel and stormed out of the Funeral Home. Good, he didn’t deserve to be here anyways. 51