Rocky Road

It’s hot and sunny; not a cloud in sight. June is always my favorite month. It’s not just because it’s super sunny and almost perfect tanning weather, but because it’s the month that school usually ends in. 1

I sit in my new lawn chair in the sun, deciding to get a head start on my summer tan when Mom pulls in the drive way. She doesn’t have the fanciest car – a small tan Volkswagen. As long as it gets her from place to place, she’s happy. I lean back and close my eyes and pretend like I’m sleeping so she won’t talk to me. As soon as I hear the door shut, I open my eyes and go back to my magazine.2

Without warning, she comes back out with a suitcase in hand and throws it in the trunk of the car. She turns around to see me gazing at her curiously and I quickly duck behind my magazine.3

“C’mon, we’re leaving.”4

I look over my magazine at her. “Excuse me?”5

“I said, we’re leaving, now come on! Pack your bags.” I stare at her in disbelief for a minute, then laugh and go back to my magazine. “Ellie, I said pack your bags,” she says between her teeth. I can tell there’s another fight coming so I ignore her.6

A shadow looms over me and before I can look up, the magazine is torn from my hand. Her face displays her emotions like and ad. She’s angry. Again. I look up at her with annoyance. “Okay, okay, I get it. I’ll go.”
As soon as my back is turned around, I smirk. It’s so easy to push her buttons.7

~ . ~ . ~8

“So where are we going?” I ask as soon as we are in the car and driving. The heat from the argument earlier has cooled down, so it’s easier to talk.9

She shrugs. “Anywhere, I guess.”10

I can’t help but to stare at her. “So you’re telling me that you just decided to leave without anything in mind?”11

She grits her teeth. “No.” It’s silent for a minute before she says, “Well, yes. I just wanted to go out and explore the world. We’re getting older everyday and I don’t want to die without knowing what the other parts of our home are.”12

At first I don’t reply, I’m too confused about her decision. I shake my head. “No, no. How could you afford this if you can barely afford to keep our own house?”13

Keeping her expression blank, and one hand on the steering wheel, she lifts the lid of the compartment between the two front seats. Inside, are about ten rolls of ten and twenty dollar bills. 14

Anger overwhelms me. “You mean, you’ve had all this money and I’ve been working thirty hour weeks to help you pay for it when you have all this money stashed away? You know how hard it is to maintain good grades in school and work thirty hour weeks?” Suddenly, I feel like crying.15

“I know,” she says flatly, staring out the windshield.16

“You know?” I shout at her. “If you really know, then why?”17

She doesn’t answer. I take deep breaths, trying to calm myself. Inhale. I can’t believe she did this to me! Exhale. Maybe she did it for a good reason, for your own good. Inhale. Really? Then what good reason would that be?
I didn’t know what to feel. The argument inside of me was ebbing away and I was suddenly overwhelmed and very tired.18

~ . ~ . ~19

When I wake up, it is dark. Headlights shine through the window shield, passing by in a blur. My back and neck are cramped up from lying on the seat. I put my seat up to try and reduce the pain, but it barely helps.
“We should rent a hotel room,” I state. Mom doesn’t answer me and I wonder if she is mad at me for yelling at her. “I’m sorry that I yelled at you,” I blurt.20

Again, she doesn’t answer. I can’t help but wonder if she’s giving me the silent treatment. I’m not sure how long it was, but finally she breaks the tension. “You had every right to.”21

I look at her, shocked. “Yes, I believe I do.”22

“It’s just… I knew we were going to need money some other time and so I started saving it, taking big chunks out of my paycheck. I like to think of it as emergency money,” she chuckles at an unknown joke. I wonder how she could think that almost loosing the house isn’t an emergency.
“Not to open new wounds, but you know that money that I showed you earlier?” she asks. “That wasn’t even a third of it. There are boxes full of bills in the trunk.”23

I press my lips in a tight line of frustration. I don’t feel like having this fight right now but it seems so unavoidable. There’s nowhere to hide in a car. “Emergency money? You mean, almost loosing our house isn’t an emergency?”24

She seems hesitant when she speaks. “Well, yes, but I was going to use it if we were for sure going to loose it but it doesn’t matter now because we don’t need it.”25

“We were for sure going to loose it.”26

“Yes, I know, but I had it planned that we were going to leave! I don’t want to be stuck in the same place my whole entire life! Just think of it as a small price to pay for some great experiences.”27

My mouth pops open. I can’t believe that she just said that. “You had this all planned out and you didn’t even tell me?” I am hurt, angry, and tired. I ddn’t want to deal with this, with her. It’s not worth the energy, but something sparks inside me, giving me the energy. “How can you call living in a dump a small price to pay? Hello, I was labeled the poorest, stupidest kid in school. You know, that money could change that.28

“You hid this from me. My life was horrible, Mom! You had the simple solution to fixing it and you just went and hid it! I don’t even know you.”
“You’re absolutely right,” she says. “I had no right to hide that from you but I did. I had no right to hide that if I really did use that money so we could live in a fancy house, that my ex would just steal it all. Like he stole everything before he broke up with me. I had no right to hide from you that I wanted to make your life better but I couldn’t because of him. I really did try to make your life better but it was impossible. That’s the reason why we’re leaving. To start fresh, so you can have the life you always wanted.”29

I am absolutely shocked silent. Tears flow down my face uncontrollably. For once, I am speechless.30

~ . ~ . ~31

Welcome to Ohio. I can’t believe we’ve made it almost to the other side of the country. I’m not sure how long it’s been, but it has been a long time. We haven’t talked about the money or our fight since that night. The car rides have usually been silent and sometimes awkward.32

I stare at her. Her hair is a white blond, dyed by a professional. I have her same baby blue eyes, same high cheek bones. My hair is a brown color, like my dad’s. I have my dad’s nose, too.33

“You know, Mom, one night Tom and I went out on a date. He took me to a restaurant before going to a dance. I went to go get sodas and when I came back, he wasn’t there. I looked all around for him, asking people where he was. Finally, somebody told me he was upstairs. You know where he was, Mom?” My eyes filled with tears at the memory. “He was with another girl, half naked.34

“You know how I felt, Mom? I felt heartbroken and used and betrayed. When I came home, you were waiting for me. It made me feel wanted and loved. I didn’t realize it that night, but I do now.35

“I realize that what you said is true, you do want to make my life better. You were right to hide some things from me. A mom is your best friend; you’re first friend, a friend who is always there for you.” I take a deep, wobbly breath. “I love you.”36

I turn my head so she can’t see me and I can’t see her. When I do finally look over at her, due to her silence, her eyes are rimmed with red and tears drip down her face, leaving lines in her makeup. We have had a very rocky past, but somehow I think that we are finally getting to the end of the old roads and onto the new ones.37

“I love you, too,” she whispers.38