1
When Mandy caught herself humming the tune again, she stopped in her tracks and then sat down heavily on the couch in front of the gas heater that was trying valiantly, but without significant success, to warm the lounge. As she softly mouthed the words, the tears that she had been suppressing all day, brimmed from her eyes and gently rolled down her cheeks. 2
"Wish You Were Here... 3
Me, oh, my country man, 4
Wish You Were Here... "5
She had arrived in Canada from South Africa on a working holiday five months before. Her first job had been as an assistant in the library of a small town, after which she worked at the reception desk of a holiday resort for a few weeks. The last job she had done before landing here was looking after the three young children of friends who went on an extended business trip abroad. And now she had been here for three weeks, house-sitting for folks who were only too pleased to find Mandy willing to look after their secluded house in the mountains, while they departed for warmer climates during the winter months. 6
She had jumped at this opportunity, hoping that it would give her the time and space she needed to sort out her jumbled mind. At 23 years old, she had honestly thought that she knew what she wanted, and where she was going with her life. But lately she was as confused as she had last been in her teens. 7
And since the the terrible storm three days ago, that had simultaneously knocked out the electricity and the telephone lines, she had truly been riding an emotional roller coaster. Having no previous experience of such extreme weather conditions, Mandy did not know whether the storm had been exeptionally fierce, or whether it was just another storm to the locals. All that she knew for certain, was that she had been absolutely terrified. And alone. 8
"Don't you know, the snow is getting colder, 9
And I miss you like hell, 10
And I'm feeling blue... 11
I've got feelings for you... "12
She had thought that surely the wind would blow off the roof, and that snow would bury her alive inside the house. When the electricity and phone went down, she was grateful for the cellphone that she had with her wherever she went. But when that battery was flat within eight hours, Mandy had no contact with the outside world at all. There was no way that she could drive to the nearest town on the snow covered road - she would not even know where the road was, never mind being able to keep the truck on it. She did not panic though, and knew that there was enough food in the pantry and freezer for at least six weeks. And there were gas appliances: a stove, lamps and a heater. 13
Yesterday afternoon she had started feeling feverish and dizzy at times, and this morning she awoke with a throbbing headache, streaming nose and eyes, and a burning throat. She took a dose of some flu medication she had with her, but did not really feel significantly better. She had hoped that at last today the electricity and phonelines would be repaired - the storm was long over and the sun had even peeked through the clouds from time to time, trying to warm the white world all around her. But still there was no indication of any other life form on earth, and now Mandy gave in to her emotions: Her tears streamed unchecked while sobs shook her aching body, and memories enfolded her like an ocean. A vast, cold ocean. 14
"Do you still feel the same? 15
From the first time I laid my eyes on you, 16
I felt joy of living, 17
I saw heaven in your eyes... "18
He had been there at the airport to see her off when she left. Bryan, with the almost black hair and bluest eyes imaginable. Blue eyes that were now frozen with heartache, trying hard to smile with encouragement. 19
They had known each other since their early teens, and been best friends since they met. They dated on and off throughout the years, even after school at the university they both attended. Shortly after graduation, Bryan had asked Mandy to marry him, and she had surprised even herself by not knowing whether this was what she wanted. She asked him to give her time, and he agreed. Then she decided on an extended working holiday in Canada, in order to sort out her confusion and 'find herself'. When Bryan wanted to accompany her on this trip, they had a huge argument and didn't speak to each other for a few weeks. It was Bryan who came to her shortly before her departure, wanting to make peace before she left and not wanting them to part on a negative note. 20
And Mandy had started missing him within weeks of landing on foreign soil. 21
"I miss your laugh, I miss your smile, 22
I miss everything about you... 23
Every second's like a minute, 24
Every minute's like a day 25
When you're far away... "26
She had sent Bryan plenty of e-mails and postcards since her arrival, but never indicated to him that she missed him. And in the very few replies she received from him, he never once alluded to his feelings for her or mentioned missing her. She came to realise that he had probably put it all behind him and decided to get on with his life without her. He had possibly even found someone else to lavish his love and attention on. 27
One night while she was looking after the kids of her friends, she had sat listening to music after they had gone to bed, and once more her thoughts had turned involuntarily to Bryan and the proposal she had all but turned down, when their alltime favourite song had started playing. Now she knew that this was what she wanted - a home and children of her own to tuck into bed and read bedtime stories to at night - with Bryan at her side. Without thinking twice, she had gotten up and sat herself down in front of the computer and written a long, emotional letter to him, explaining her feelings and asking whether their bridges were in fact burnt. 28
The next morning she felt like the ultimate fool for ever sending the letter, and wished she could hit a rewind button and undo the e-mail. And when, for the next couple of weeks, she heard not a single word from Bryan, she realised that indeed she had made an ass of herself and that Bryan wanted nothing more to do with her romantically or emotionally. So when the opportunity of this seclusion in the mountains arose, she grabbed at it, seeing it as a chance to get herself together and decide what to do and how to carry on. 29
Now, when her own storm of tears and sobs eventually subsided, Mandy took herself off to bed. She tried reading for a while, but could not concentrate, so she just huddled under the covers. When daylight started fading, she didn't bother lighting any lamps. She just took another dose of flu medication and went back to bed, waiting for sleep to overcome her. 30
She slept fitfully, waking between dreams and nightmares to lay staring into the dark room. The last time she awoke, she felt remarkably better - her fever had apparently broken, and even though she still ached all over, she could think coherently again. She wished she could take a hot bath, but the electricity was still off, so she would once again have to settle for a cold wash only. She heard birds singing loudly outside and got out of bed to look out the window: there was not a cloud in sight and sun reflected brightly off the snow blanket that still covered everything. 31
"The snow is getting colder, baby, 32
I Wish You Were Here... 33
A battlefield of love and fear, 34
And I Wish You Were Here... "35
Mandy got herself a large glass of orange juice from the kitchen and then sat in the lounge, thinking. She had made up her mind at last: as soon as the owners of the house returned, she was getting on the first plane home. Even though she would not be returning to Bryan, she needed to be with her family and amongst friends at home. She would find a job and try to get on with life as best she could on her own. Now she still felt very sad, but she had resigned herself to her fate - it was after all only her own fault for not knowing what she wanted when it had been offered to her. 36
Pulling her robe tightly about her, she picked up the phone on the way to the kitchen, checking whether perhaps it had been reconnected overnight. No luck. She poured another glass of juice and started making her way to the bedroom to have a quick, cold bird bath and get dressed. Surely today the electricity and phone would be repaired. 37
As she passed the front door, a loud knock almost made her jump a mile high. Immediately she realised that is must be either the electricity or phone company, and she took a deep breath to steady her nerves and went to open the door. 38
As Mandy peeked outside the door, she saw nobody. Instead of the company truck she had expected to see parked in the driveway, there was only a small car with the logo of an international car rental company on the side.... 39
Author notes
Lyrics: Wish You Were Here - Blackmore's Night
I have written three other stories based on the lyrics of songs, and had decided that they were enough. Then my son, Merrigan, discovered Blackmore's Night's music too, and asked me to write a story about his personal favorite song. And when this contest came up, I couldn't resist! So here it is... For you, Merr!
A contest entry
- Welcome to storywrite! The first contest! by Kevin.
130 points, ended April 2, 2006, 8 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 27 of 27
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Nicely done
I love the idea of basing a story on a song, I'll have to give it a shot sometime
I thought the main character was fairly well developed. Some physical description might have helped, but wasn't necessary. I had some confusion whether it was a flashback or not, and whether the proposal was for 3 years ago? But overall understood the idea and liked it. I wished htere could be more development between she and her interested boy, more reason why we should love her to love him...
8: I'm confused whether this is the storm from 3 years ago, or a storm now..
39: better to use a specific car rental company.plot: 2, overall: 7, ending: 4, characters: 3.
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Thank you very much wtchr, for reading this and your very kind and wonderful comment. You are indeed a great morale booster!
Keep well. -
wtchrpr...4.5
Lacyte;
Very good writing. I'm realitively new to writing, but I have read extensively. Your writing is exemplary of the work of an established novelist. An editor would have little to do with this story. The grammer is near perfect. The continuity IS perfect and the subject is universal. I MUST add my complements to the above list. Best of luck in the contest. -
Oh! I love this!! The bloody teaser of an ending!! THAT'S SO MEAN!! Do we get a sequel?! LOL. Great job; good luck!!
~dramaqueen469~ -
Indeed Jan, I do walk with the music and unfolding story in my mind for days on end, and then it takes me quite a couple of hours to get it down just exactly the way I want it. And I listen to the song over and over and over (and sometimes in the process, drive the rest of the family to distraction
) With this particular story, when I had finished it to my liking the first time, I saved it, and the evening when I wanted to post it on AP - it was MISSING! ... as in it hasn't been recovered since - even Page struggled unsuccessfully for hours trying to retrieve it. I was so upset, I cried and went to bed at 8 that night. And it took me more than a week on the rewrite - so far it was the most difficult story I have written.
Thank you so much for reading and your lovely compliments - you had better be careful - I may start believing soon that I am as good as you think (joking )
Keep well, friend. -
Excellent Excellent Excellent
Gosh you are SUCH a great writer. You tell it with such feelings and you obviously understand the songs so well. I bet you sit with tme stuck in your brain for days the way I do. LOL
Brilliant
Hugs
Jan -
A very gentle but sad read. It seems much easier to second guess a decision you've made when you are all alone. Your story put in Mandy's place. Very compelling. Well done.
Frightendove -
A very nioce story and you've supplied enough images to guess who would be knocking and arriving with an international rental car. Good job. Best wishes and
s... ~genielassie~
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Very cool. wonderful job at showing how she loved and missed and showing how you can never truly appreciate something until it's gone...
Good lukc, it's very good.
angel~ -
yay
Wow. First I read it for the name because I like Pink Floyd's song "With you were here" and I also wrote a poem called "If You Were Here" So I figured I may get something from this--and I did. Nice ... wonderful I mean... job of displaying the emotion and longing. I think all of us that have truly loved or longed for someone knows how this feels and can relate. Wonderful! -
Oh wow, this is brilliant! You should totally keep writing because I'm really hooked on this. keep going and great job.
molly -
A very well-written story! Congrats on the contest!! This is really good. I'm not familiar with the song, so I can't actually hear it, but I can tell the way you intersperse it between the pose that the story line follows the progression of the song. I LOVE the unstated ending. I'm glad Brian paid her a visit! Thanks for sharing this with us!!
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Eh, I'm not that big of fan of Song-fics, but this was okay as they come. This story didn't really speak to me, unfortunately, cause I thought it might after spending a little while in a different country this summer.
In my opinion, the "...." at the end of the story was sort of cheesy. It probably would've worked just as well to just have one period there. And it would look better.
Good job at doing the sickness thing. It was interesting. -
This is an amazing story, and i'm really really into it. Please say your going to carry on with the next part, please oh please. It's so amazing! If you do decide to make some more of teh story, please tell me, i'd love to read it!
Shadow x x x -
Ohh, I loved this!!! So much. It just may be the fact that I'm partial to love stories with this kind of twist, but it was also very well-written.
Best of luck to you in the contest. From the comment I'm reading from the person who's running the contest, it looks like you don't need it.
Again... GREAT story!!
Elizabeth -
I liked: the merging of the lyrical with prose. Great idea. I think you should experiment with this often.
I disliked: the great use of ready-made phrases. To be fair, it is impossible to write prose without ready-made phrases. However, I recommend coming up with more unique expressions -- just to make this more interesting. -
Another band made a song with that title, Pink Floyd, and I must say I'm in love with it. Good job with this. Keep on writing.
Blessed be,
Lefay -
i hope it was bryan!!!! that's so awesome... and nearly had me in tears considering my significant other has been on the other side of the country for a few months, now, and is FINALLY on his way home.... halfway there, actually. beautifully written and exactly waht i wanted!! good luck!
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Excellent
Great story Lacyte, I can only guess who's at the door. Nice to keep the readers wanting more. This sounds like the beginning to a great movie. Keep up the great work. Take care.
Michael -
Oh my this is a wonderful story. I sure would like to know what happens next. I would even like to know more of what led up to the event of her leaving. This is like you picked up right in the middle of the story. Very descriptive story. I really enjoyed the read. Your son should be very happy.
Enjoyed the read.
~Dee -
Wow , I was left craving for more . You go girl
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OMG! You're going to continue this right???????
Wonderful! Absolutly hooked! Please write another!
~Sarah -
It was worth the wait, another superb write, these lyrics obviously really speak to you, and you use the inspiration they give you to great advantage, bravo.
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That was wonderful, Leonora!!! Your imagery was amazing!!! It's just the sort of story I like: full of emotional turmoil until everything turns out alright in the end, magically, as if someone had waved a magic wand! I just wish you'd taken it a little ways further... But it's still interesting for the reader to make up Bryan and Mandy's reunion and apologies.
I really love how you managed to have incredible imagery even in a short story like this one. I didn't think I was there, I was there! I also like the way that you set up the exposition of the story. Great job!!!
Great write! You do a marvelous job with these Blackmore's Night lyrics. Always keep writing!!!!!!! s
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What a great story - both in concept and in execution. Had me the whole way - no way could I have stopped reading. And, the ending is obvious too . . . or is it. You wouldn't be planning a twist would you. Good job and Merrigan is lucky to have a mom who can do this. Thanks for sharing, both with him and with us.
Paul -
Wonderful, Brilliant, Stunning!!!! (as Usual)
What a Brilliant story. Mom this is once again awesome. Thanx a lot. I really truely appreciate it, and you! Thanx my one and only mother!!! *hugs tight* -
a brilliant write, yet again. Leaves you wishing for more
Nice going!
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