She lies there on the ground,1
In the smooth cool grass,2
She listens to the wind,3
Moving through the land,4
Her stress leaves her as the breeze,5
Her thoughts trap her in her mind,6
She closes her eyes as her thoughts fly,7
She thinks of the day,8
The land is her bed,9
To sit and think upon,10
A green cloud on earth,11
It’s her safe place to go,12
To leave her stressful life,13
To live a new,14
As she did before,15
Letting the breeze take her apart,16
Flying with the clouds on her own,17
To be the one she is,18
To be the writer she is.19
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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I did not understand this one bit , jk It was well written, when you take the time to read it and understand the feeling of lying on the grass and
just letting the breeze release all the stress and the thoughts that were stressful leave but in their place the more relaxing one of what she is experiencing here and yes the writer she is, is the one that wrote this poem, thanks very much enjoyed it and wow, just reading it made me relaxed, you used the right words and very descriptive enough, thanks again this was very good. take it from me, I am good at being a critic but nothing bad to say here, very good writing, Writer.
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Hm, somewhat hard to follow, but I get the imagery. Very nice. I like the description and emotion~ :3
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What
This was hard to understand. All I'm seeing is a girl in a feild that wants to be a writer. I think you build on this not just put down random thoughts it would be better, it has potential though.
beginning: 2, language: 3, plot: 5, ending: 4, dialog: 1, characters: 4.
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This was another very nicely done write. It paints a nice image of someone just laying in the grass, completely care free, just relaxing, and taking time to finally think in peace and quiet. It have a very peaceful tone, while the background kind of goes against it
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Ah!
I see you have the determination to become a real writer. Taylor Caldwell, one of my favorite writers, wrote her first book at the age of twelve. She writes historical fiction that usually involve intrigue and romance(about a hundred characters).
I hope you'll continue to enjoy Storywrite. I enjoyed the concept of this poem.
Andy
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Nice use of the senses...
...to draw the audience in, such as "In the smooth cool grass,2" as I could actually feel this. I really liked the last line of the poem too, as it wraps up the piece with a nice, shiny, red ribbon
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Hi Rose!
Just testing
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