the making of the joker; broken doll

chapter one1

They are arguing, again. Mum fights back tonight, her voice sharp and full of... I don’t know, hope? I don’t know what she’s got to hope for. Maybe it’s the new man, Jerry, whose she’s sleeping with? Jerry tells her over and over, “he can’t control you.” What does Jerry know? Dad can. Dad holds us in an iron vice, sculpted from fear and hate.2

“Shut up, Bruce! You never listen to me!” Mum shouts. I imagine her gesturing madly, her pale skin going a deep red. I imagine dad rolling his eyes, and glaring at mum.3

“Why would I want to listen to you every bloody day?” I hear dad snarl.4

“The same reason I don’t want to see you ever again anymore!” Mum almost screams back, “I don’t love you. You don’t love me... this is a loveless marriage.”5

I sigh. Mistake. 6

Mum screams. Tears flood down my cheeks. I can’t just wait here.7

I reach the kitchen too late. Mum is on the floor, a crimson liquid (it’s not blood; it’s not blood) escaping the gaping cut in her stomach. I feel sick. Dad spins round, his face eerily expressionless.8

“Why so serious, Dylan?”9

I have no answer. Mum’s eyes, a deep brown colour, lock my gaze. 10

“Run,” she mouths. I don’t have time.11

Dad lunges on me, pinning me to the ground. His full weight crushes me, the air knocked out my chest. His eyes widen a big grin on his face. His hand, bruised from working at the ranch, strokes me cheek. 12

“I always thought you’d make a much... much better girl.” He snorts. I try to hide my tears, but they run down my face. The knife is in his hand. It glints in the moonlight that streams through the gap in the curtain. 13

Dad pushes himself of me. He turns back to mum. With one last final strike, he digs the blade into her chest.14

“Goodbye.”15