Freddie held still on the bed, he was naked from head to toe. It had been days since Colin had given him a hand job. Colin was yet again on top of him, not naked like he is but still showing a lot of beautiful skin. This time Colin told him that he wanted to give him head. Freddie choked and gasped for air. 1
"Don’t worry, I'll do everything" Colin said to him, smoothing his hands down his chest and stomach. He leaned down, touching his lips to Freddie neck. He can hear Freddie hiss through his teeth. He kissed down to his collar bone to his chest. Brushing his fingers lightly around his left nipple, he pinched it. Not hard, not soft, just enough pressure that Freddie moved away. Colin sucked him back in with his mouth over the puckered nipple and twirling his tongue around the tip. 2
Freddie hands pulled on the sheets, his hands knuckles turning white. Intense pleasure shot from his nipple straight down to his cock. His cock twitched and hardens. Colin head lowered down to his stomach then lower. He silently screamed out in surprise, Colin warm mouth wrapped around his cock head."Oh god...ohhh" Freddie moaned. 3
"Humm..." Colin licked around the head, sucking lightly. He knew he would taste sweet with all the candies that he eats. He licked the slit lightly sending Freddie a hot shock of pleasure. "You taste so sweet"4
Freddie felt the same sensation from last time coming from inside, flowing over his body.5
"You're about to pop, cum into my mouth" Colin said, his mouth wrapped tight around Freddie cock. 6
Freddie bucked on the bed, his back high in the air. His cock flooded Colin sweet mouth with his warm cum. He blasted his last shots deep into his throat, coating his mouth. "That was...wow"7
"Good huh?" Colin swiped his mouth with his hand, and came back up to give him a quick kiss.8
"Totally, what’s next?" Freddie asked, not shy anymore about his sexual needs. He didn’t get an answer back but a wicked smile.9
Author notes
Sorry, i been working a lot so i had no time to finish this story quick and I got a contest to judge. So thanks for all the entries and I hope you like this story, this parts, scenes, situation, etc is going to continue on, read A Quick Hand Job, thats the first part, but you can read backwards too, doesnt matter, its all good. Thanks again
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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mmm hot love if it was a lil longer
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Not my usual thing i must admit
It was a good start, certainly very descriptive. It probably could do with a bit more depth.(No pun intended.) I will back read the other part and try to keep up with any more.
Good Work.
Dave
beginning: 4, language: 5, plot: 3, ending: 3, dialog: 5, characters: 4.
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Not my kind of story, but I've got to admit that is a very well written piece, nice descriptive work. Just watch your tenses. keep up the good work!
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OMG better then the headjob ^^ LOVE LOVE etc it!!!!
you made it like i could pictuer it as an movie ^^ XD welldone
DNY
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what a description....that too when you are busy...i read other stuff of yours.....you are a complete writer touching every genre....
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The writing was very good and informative. I liked the beginning the most though, because after that it seemed like you rushed through it. I understand that you were trying to finish quickly, but why not try editing it and adding it in. Make it strong, long and passionate, and you will get many many readers.
Also, consider developing the pair more. Tell us all about them, their histories and their relationship(s). It makes the chemistry stronger, and adds backstory. It definitely makes the erotica "hotter."
Great job overall though. Keep it up.
Kevan. -
The writing in this was really good and your descriptions were well done.
What I did miss in this was the closeness, but than it just reminded me of when a straight couple goes out and its just a casual relationship. There was not really any mistakes in this and if there was , i didnt see it and well someone may have pointed it out already, but , this was a good read and all stories , I like to read for the ability of the writer not really the subject and well this was very well put together. oh the subject does matter some though. Thanks and keep writing , will look forward to more of your work, This was my first time reading your stories or poems and impressed.
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Not my taste of subject but I have to admit that your descriptions are very accurate, detailed and full of emotion.
The conversations feel natural and real, without interfering too much with the plot.
All the detailed moves and thoughts are clearly described and allow the reader to feel all the sensations.
Great effort. -
Fairly sexy. Being a manly man, I don't even enjoy man-on-man stories, but I must say... Straight-man enjoyed.
Your descriptions were superb, I liked the play-by-play of the nipple toying. I think you could have dragged out and elaborated on the cock sucking a bit more, throw in some more reactions from Freddie. Also, don't rely on clichéd, pornographic reactions too much. Keep it realistic, level with your reader on a personal level.
Examples: Freddie biting his lip as he watches Colin lick, meeting COlin's eyes, or tilting his head back and sighing. Running his fingers through Colin's hair. Maybe even have Colin running his fingertips over Freddie's abdomen and tending to the children.
The little things do wonders for setting the mood and flaring up a sense of pleasure in the reader. The little things that they, too, enjoy and have observed during sex.
p3 - Watch your past and present tenses.
"His cock twitched and hardens." Hardened would suit this. -
I agree with the comment below. Just WOW. Was brilliant. Was a bit short for my liking, but thats just cause I wanted it too carry on for longer. Looking forward to more x
beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 4, ending: 4, dialog: 4, characters: 4.
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Ahhh.... WOW.. um, i'm gonna check categories more often. I've read some of your stuff before. The grammar in this is amazingly good. Man that was hot stuff! I don't read gay erotica usually it sounds a little akward, but maybe that's just me. It was a pretty good story for something that revolved around erotica. The only thing i missed was emotion. There was no emotion, but then again sometimes that stiffles a moment up. Good luck with that contest. Laterz
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