In the distant recesses of the wastelands, a man sits in a dark room, staring up into nothingness. To the untrained eye, he would seem to be sleeping. However, his mind is far away in the body of a young, captured Grenna. After a moment, a smile crosses his dimly lit face as a faint light returns to his eyes.1
“How’d it go?” asks a woman. Small flames float around, providing illumination. The room is large but empty, save thirteen chairs, two occupied by those in question. 2
“It failed. Not that I expected it to succeed,” the man replies dryly.3
“Too bad. I was hoping you’d be able to kill the king.”4
“As did I. If it weren’t for that mage, Dregan would be in chaos.”5
“Why does everything have to be the hard way?” the woman asks. 6
“I did find something interesting though.”7
“Oh?”8
“A young man, royal by the looks of him. Something strange about him. Magic didn’t affect him.”9
“That only happens when a weaker magician attempts to attack a stronger one.”10
“And that’s not possible, there are only a handful of people stronger than me. Plus, magic isn’t that straight forward. Magical strength can only take you so far. The youngster didn’t even know what he was doing so he couldn’t come up with a defense to my magic. Something else is at work here.”11
“Will he hinder the plan?”12
“Not for the moment. We’ll stick to the plan either way. Understood?”13
“Aye aye, as stingy as always.” she mutters.14
“All we have to do is keep the Dregan and Eagin occupied. A simple enough task.”15
“So we’re free to do what we like?”16
“As long as you keep to the plan.”17
“Mm, now I’m excited. Tell me more about this youngster. Is he handsome?”18
“I could care less.”19
“Men…” she says sadly.20
“Stay away from him, you hear?”21
“How does going near him disrupt the plan?”22
“Be careful what you do. If you get in my way, I won’t hesitate to kill you.”23
“Oh shut up, I’m not afraid of your useless drivel.”24
“Would you two stop bickering for a moment?” a third voice interrupts. The other two, jump in shock. A man materializes in the middle of the room, his face shrouded. A dark aura surrounds him, more sinister than that of the other two.25
“And you are…” the woman asks.26
The man raises his right, gloved hand. A golden ring lies on his middle finger. On it, they see the insignia of the Scorpion. Immediately, the two prostrate themselves before the man. “Oh stand up,” he orders. When the two obey, he continues, “Master sent me to watch you two. He expects results.”27
“We’ll perform above and beyond our mission.”28
“So I hope, for your sake,” replies the third.29
“I don’t take kindly to threats,” the woman says.30
“I was just stating a simple fact. Please direct your anger elsewhere,” the man replies, sounding bored. “Now, tell me how you plan on accomplishing your mission.”31
“First, we make the enemy fear us. The plan is already set in motion,” the woman says with a mischievous gleam in her eye.32
“I’ll be looking forward to it. Remember, don’t disappoint the Master. I’ve no desire to return,” the man says, vanishing.33
The two look at each other, feeling a chill of fear run down their spines. The same thought crosses their minds, ‘We must do well to please the Master or our lives…’
Author notes
What do you think of this chapter? It's different from the other two. The lack of description is intentional. Please point out any grammatical mistakes. I appreciate it. 
What do you think of this chapter?
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
-
That's totally unfair! I did something similar with my story you read! I have several 'interlude' chapters which have much less description (although I added it in after several people requested more detail!) and are based away from the main storyline until they come together at the end. Not a sub-plot, but not the main action!
You could possibly put a tiny bit more description around the speech, but otherwise the simplicity works well.
-
Short and freakin awesome! Very mysterious without the detail it adds to the dangerous and unknown allure that the "bad guys" have. Can't wait to read more!
-
This was pretty good, I am not a huge fan of a lot of dialogue, I prefer a huge thing of detail, but you did well on this one. I would read all the other parts of it, but this one is the shortest, and I really need comments because some child is trying to beat me with getting the most comments, and I am running out of tings to comment! =[
-
Oooh, this was really interesting and grabbing. Keep it up!
-
It's short, but I'm assuming that you are planning on adding more? I thought this was a rather interesting chapter, but the lack of description does hurt the story a bit (even though I know its important for the mysterious vibe to stay intact). Maybe to give the chapter more essence, you could focus more on their facial expressions when talking or their emotions. Just suggestions but either way, I'm liking where this story is headed and I can't wait to read more. Also the 'third' guy is the addition that your story needed; the introduction of the 'bad guys'.
Good work, keep it up!
-
Fsssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss,
stop being so damn good at writing.
now go write more.
BE GONE!
x]
-
Damn you. Write more. This story is getting really addicting. I love your characters, by the way. Interesting bunch. Nice work on getting me anxious - now pooooooostt.
Or I kill you.
xoxo
~*princess*~
-
Its good and I liked how you changed the setting, and gave a glimps of the enemy alwase good to see both sides of a conflict. It really shows a developed writing capability. Amazing job and I cant wait to see more
-
hey!
Wow Alvarez! ur awesome! Im liking ur story so keep wrtiing so i can read it ok! (thats an order)
-
Realy good.Can't wait to read more.
-
? That's insanity. Please, keep it on the DL
-
It's pretty interesting... It grabbed my attention a little.... It's a good chapter...
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 4, ending: 5, characters: 3.
Adding your comment:
1 - 12 of 12
