Freaks Guild: Chapter 1

A shy ray of sunlight filtered through the murky window, revealing the presence of two people in the room. They sat at a desk in complete silence, staring straight ahead at the grimy wall as they waited.1

Suddenly, one of them burst out:2

“WHY, WHY, WHY ISN’T IT HERE YET? HOW DARE IT KEEP US WAITING?”
“Calm down, Madella! We will deal with it when it gets here. Believe me; its punishment will be most satisfying.”3

The Madella gritted its teeth, muttering something inaudible under its breath. Before its partner could ask what it said, a small girl with short black hair burst into the room, puffing and panting uncontrollably.4

“FINALLY, you’re here!” shouted the Madella, “We have been waiting for 13.42 seconds now!”
“You fool,” hissed the Haitian, “You will regret this.”5

The girl burst into tears, collapsing in a heap on the floor. 6

“Please, please forgive me, Masters,” it choked out between sobs.
“HOW DARE YOU KEEP OUR GREAT HOLINESS WAITING FOR A WORTHLESS LOUSE LIKE YOU?!” shrieked the Madella.
“You truly are a pathetic being. You shall pay,” hissed the Haitian furiously.
“LET’S KILL IT!” screamed the Madella, ready to unleash its rage onto the howling girl.
“No, no wait,” said the Haitian, a cruel smile forming on its face, “I have a better idea. Let’s make it our slave.” The Madella clapped its hands excitedly and cackled with pleasure.
“From now on,” the Haitian continued, “You shall be known as the Worthless Minion, for that is the only name that your pitiful self could deserve.”
“Thank you,” the Worthless Minion gasped, “Thank you Merciful Master.”
“MINION!” interrupted the Madella, “You have wasted much of our precious time already. If any more time passes in vain with your pathetic words, you shall perish once and for all.”7

The Worthless Minion stood up without a word in fear for its life.8

“Now,” purred the Haitian, “it is time for our interview!”
The Minion nodded silently, and its two Masters shuffled through their papers.
“Full Name?” the Haitian asked without looking up.
“Christiana Kellari,” the girl whispered weakly.
“WHAT DID YOU SAY?! A TRUE NAME HAS BEEN ASSIGNED FOR YOU! YOU DARE TO MENTION YOUR PATHETIC HUMAN ONE?!??! WORTHLESS MINION: THAT IS HOW YOU SHALL BE CALLED! AND IF YOU EVER, EVER, DENY THAT IT IS YOUR TRUE NAME, YOU SHALL BE SENT TO THE CUT-INTO-TINY-PIECES-UNTIL-YOUR-FRIGGING-HEAD-EXPLODES GUILLOTINE!” exploded the Madella. The Worthless Minion shrunk back in terror.
“I am so sorry, Holy Master, I beg you to forgive me! It shall never happen again, I promise you!” stuttered the Minion, sinking to its knees.
“Very well,” said the Madella with a vicious look.
“Date when first attempted to create your very own nerd bomb to take over the world?” continued the Haitian coolly, as if nothing had happened.
“I never—“started the Worthless Minion, surprised.
“WHAT ARE YOU EVEN DOING HERE, YOU INSECT?” the Madella shrieked out in rage, “HAITIAN, I TRUSTED THAT YOU WOULD HAVE MADE A BETTER CHOICE FOR OUR POTENTIAL SERVANT. WHY DID YOU EVEN CONSIDER BRINGING THIS WORTHLESS CREATURE?!”9

The Haitian hesitated.10

“Its penis length was sufficiently large,” it said finally.
“Haitian, I have ordered you several times; do not combine work with pleasure time,” grumbled the Madella irritably.
“I am sorry, Madella,” said the Haitian earnestly, “I cannot help myself.”
The Worthless Minion looked like it wanted to say something. It hesitated for a moment, and then suddenly burst out:
“My farts can paralyze bodies!”11

The Madella was mildly surprised.12

“Hmmm... Digestive fart disorder. I guess that'll work.”
“Thank you, oh Kind Master! You shall not regret this,” rejoiced the Worthless Minion.
“I should hope not.”13

Suddenly, the door to the secret hideout burst open, revealing two figures standing at the door. They were both hideous creatures, faintly resembling women. One of them had the shape of a cock-licking slut, and the other one had a star planted upon its head. The Madella gasped.14

“TAYLOR! NICKY R, TEENAGE STAR!”
“HOW DARE YOU HOLD A MEETING WITHOUT US?!” screeched the Taylor, stepping into the room. Its face was swollen and red with immeasurable fury.
“You. Shall. Pay.” hissed Nicky R, the star at the top if its head turning red with anger. “The star is just the beginning. Once my aura glows, YOU SHALL ALL PERISH FOR YOUR BETRAYAL!”15

The Haitian looked at them steadily. 16

“Excuse us, ladies, but we are simply better than you!” he purred. “Or at least I am,” he then added under his breath.
“How dare you, you pathetic excuse for a man!” Nicky R Teenage Star snapped back.
“FEAR US! FOR THIS. IS. WAR!” shrieked the Taylor in rage. Nicky R turned towards the Worthless Minion, who sat cowering on the floor.
“WHAT IS THIS PITYFUL CREATURE YOU ARE TRYING TO REPLACE US WITH?” Nicky R said, laughing out loud. “Well, you feisty slut... Fear the day you have met us... For we shall DOOM YOU ABOVE ALL!” it then hissed viciously at the Minion. With a sudden burst of speed, the Minion turned its butt to Nicky R’s face and released a huge, smelly fart. 17

Nicky R Teenage Star stood completely paralyzed, an expression of utter horror fixed on its face. The Taylor screamed in fury and readied itself for attack.18

“RUNN!! RUN FOR OUR LIVES! I CAN HARDLY SPEAK, I UNDERSTAND! WHY YOU CAN’T RAISE YOUR VOICE TO SAY!!!” the Worthless Minion shouted in panic, a slightly musical tone to its voice.19