Who am I? ( Chapter 10 )

I walked out to the guesthouse. I loved it. When I was younger I used to play in there for hours. I would pretend my terrible mother locked me in there to clean for all eternity. Luca would come to the door and carry me to the castle I was shunned from. It all seemed so stupid now. But we used to play together for hours. It was hard to accept that he wasn’t talking to me. 1

I was trying so hard to see it from his point of view, but I didn’t understand what I had done so wrong. I was a good friend, I listened, I gave him my virginity! What more could he want? I couldn’t give him anything else. 2

I really didn’t want to check this place out alone tomorrow, even though I said I would. I was terrified. I couldn’t go alone, I was kidding myself.3

Tyler was in Aspen, so who else could I call? I sat there for a few minutes staring at the phone. It hit me. For someone that was “loved” by everyone and was so popular, I didn’t have one person that I could call. I had a list of about 10000, but only 2 people I wanted to call about this. Tyler and Luca. I had no real friend, that had become clear to me after that day. Taylor and Luca were all I had, the only ones that actually cared about me. Mandy and Tessa were great shopping buddies but they didn’t give two hoots about me. 4

I was just a Malibu Barbie to them, something fun and pretty to play with, they didn’t care what was on the inside. I wasn’t even sure who I was on the inside.5

Could I call him? Would he want to talk to me? I must have picked and hung the phone up about a million and one times before I actually dialled the number, it would start to ring and I would hang up just as it answered and seconds later I found myself redialling .6

“Hello?” Luca’s Mum started sounding frustrated. With all the thoughts running through my head I didn’t hear it ring.7

“Um. Is Luca there?” I asked. I was glad that we didn’t have video phone in the guest house. I would have looked like a nut case. 8

“Sure sweety. How are you? Sorry if I sounded rude, I’ve been getting prank calls for the last 25 minutes.” She explained.9

“25 minutes! Gees hey.” I laughed nervously.10

“I will go and get Luca for you. You gave us quite a scare. If you need to talk to someone sweetness I am here dear, free of charge.” She offered.11

“Thank you Sally, but I am fine I really am.”12

“Well I am glad to hear that. You keep that in mind though love. Bye now.” She said. I heard her put the phone on the bench and call out to Luca. Now I didn’t call him all that often but usually when I did, he would come straight to the phone, like an eager little puppy wanting his dinner. He wasn’t a puppy. I waited for what seemed like an eternity, I was about to give up and hang up the phone when he finally said:13

“Hello?”14

“Hi! Its Hayleigh!” I started.15

“I know.”16

“Oh…um how are you?” I asked trying to make conversation. 17

“Kind of busy actually, did you want something?” He asked coldly. 18

“I wanted to ask you something but I don’t want to ask over the phone. Would you come over for a while?” 19

“I said I was kind of busy Hayleigh.”20

“Oh…Okay…Well would you mind if I came over for a bit?”21

“When? Now?”22

“Yeah.”23

“Yeah fine…….CLICK.24

I put the phone down and jumped to my feet. He said I could come over! He must have forgiven me by now! It had been almost two weeks! How much more time did he need?25

I got myself looking decent and walked to the garage. I looked at my Mini, it was a complete wreck. I couldn’t believe how much damage I had caused. I was such an idiot to have got in that car. I didn’t know how Luca and I managed to escape serious injury.26

I really hated my scooter but it would have to do for now. It was better than walking after all. I put my helmet on and drove to Luca’s. 27

I climbed up the window and found myself knocking on his now locked window. That was strange, he never locked it. Just like the phone call I had to wait for him to come to the window. Patience was not one of my virtues.28

“Hi.” He mumbled after about five minutes.29

“Sorry to get you up, you’re window was locked other wise I would have just let myself in.” I laughed.30

“I know it is locked. You can’t just walk in and out whenever you feel the need anymore. That door is closed. Or Window. However you want to put it. I told you Hayleigh, things are different now.” He said.31

I swallowed hard, he once knew all the right words to make me feel wonderful. This just didn’t sound like him. I stood there looking at him, searching for the words to say to him. I couldn’t think of anything. I didn’t know what to say. I was speechless, I felt like a total idiot, and that had never happened to me. 32

Normally I would retaliate and defend myself. Why was I letting him treat me like this? I watched him stand there dodging eye contact with me.33

“You have to learn what friendship is.” He spat.34

“I know what it is Luca, Please don’t treat me like a stupid child.” I said. Please? Why the hell was I saying please?35

“Friends come and go as they please, they don’t have sex or share a bed, they don’t get jealous when the other has a relationship.”36

“I never get jealous!”37

“Come on Hales! Every girl I have gone out with, you have gone out of your way to sabotage it! I’m not mad, cos I do the same, but it’s not on anymore. I want a normal girlfriend! I’m through being your booty call. You don’t want me, unless it is convenient for you, but like I said the minute I show interest in girls that actually WANT me you lose it! So I am telling you, what we had before, which was nothing is OVER.”38

“Just like that then?” I said with tears in my eyes. I could not believe what he was saying to me. 39

“What? Just like that! Come on! This has been going on for a year! I’m tired of giving you everything and getting nothing in return!”40

“Nothing! I have given all I can! I gave you my virginity! What more do you want?”41

“What I want from you, I can’t have I know that, so it doesn’t matter Hales. I should be the cold one playing the field, breaking your heart, not this stupid fuck crying like a dick in front of you.”42

“That’s fine…Just fine.” I said and looked away. I didn’t want him to see the hurt in my eyes. 43

“Now you wanted to talk to me about something?” He asked.44

“Um. Mum gave me an address to where I might start looking for my Mother. I was wondering if you could come with me.”45

“So you’re going to find her?”46

“Well yeah, I love my family don’t get me wrong. But I have always felt like there was something missing and now I know what it is I have to find it.” 47

“I understand.”48

“Well tomorrow I’m going to the house where she grew up, I don’t know if she will be there, I mean her parents could be dead or moved away but I have to try.”49

“Of course I will go with you.” He smiled.50

“You will?” I asked puzzled.51

“What are friends for?” He said.52

“Can I crash here the night?” I asked. “Only cos the house is closer to here, its in prospect.” I added quickly.53

“Hmmm. That’s not the best part of town is it.” He frowned.54

“Yeah that’s another reason I don’t want to go alone.” 55

“I wouldn’t let you do this alone. Yeah you can crash here too.” He said walking over and pulling out the spare bed he put a few blankets on and climbed in to his bed. 56

What the hell? Why was he doing this to me? He was shutting me out completely! I gave him a puzzled look, he pretended not to notice.57

“You can have my bed if you want, it’s up to you.” He said.58

“Actually I might go Luca. You haven’t really rolled out the welcome mat for me.”59

“What do you mean?”60

“What is this!” I said exploding. “A spare bed! You won’t look at me or touch me! I know I messed up! But you can’t punish me forever!”61

“Hales, I’m not punishing you! You said you wanted friendship so that is what you are getting.”62

“That’s just….” I started but I didn’t have anything I could say. 63

“If…If…I asked you for a hug would that be crossing the line?” I asked with a pleading look in my eyes. 64