The Blame - A Story of Addiction

Dear Mr. and Mrs....1

To the Parents of...2

Hi.3

I know, of all people you would want to hear from right now, I would be the last. I'll understand if you don't read this letter. To tell you the truth, I fully expect that you won't even open it upon seeing my handwriting. But if you'd made if this far, please keep reading. For your own sake. No. For your daughters sake. 4

I know you blame me for everything. For her problems, for your problems with her, for her death. But I want you to know, I never meant for any of this to happen. Who ever means for things like this to happen? Things just escalated far beyond my control. And I did try to stop her, I did. 5

Yes, I was the one to introduce her to drugs. It is true; she was clean before she associated herself with me. For I, myself, am a casual user. And one day, she caught me doing coke after school. I never asked her if she wanted to try, I tried to hide it from her in fact. But you raised a sharp mind, and she caught on right away. She didn't pretend, never even asking me what I was doing, I remember. She simply just asked if she could try. So I let her. 6

She fell for it faster than I did. I didn't expect that. The feelings gripped her in a way different from me. She had things to cope with, to hide from, a stressful life to forget. While I was in an entirely different situation, using only for fun. Once she found them, your daughter needed those feelings to live.7

She pressed me to go further with her, to do things I hadn't even done before. That's how we got into heroin. Injecting drugs was not something I ever expected myself to do. But with her, I did it. Yes, I may have been the one who introduced her to drugs, but she was the one who dragged me further down the path.8

But we're not the only ones to blame here, your daughter and me. You're not blameless. Never think once that you are blameless. She reached for these things because she had to hide from something. Was her family that something? She never told me what it was, but it was always there. It wasn't school, I'd seen her grades, and I knew the other people she associated herself with. So really, the only place left is home. Did you press her to get better grades, causing this stress? Do you constantly fight and bicker so she had to hide from family problems? I don't know. All I know is no one is perfect, and you too should know that now. 9

And why? If you're her parents, the ones who supposedly know her the best, did you not notice her downward spiral into despair? I noticed. I tried to do something about it. But you could have done more. Together we could have stopped her. But no. You had to sit back in watch. Watch in denial, not willing to believe that your perfect daughter was a junkie. Well maybe if you had opened your eyes to the truth, she wouldn't be dead.10

I stopped myself to try to get her clean again. I've been drug free for three months now and she has been dead for a week. I cut her off from my dealer. She found a new one. I confronted her about it. She snapped back with insults. I even went as far as to steal what money and drugs of hers I could find. But she always got more.11

Now she's gone. You know, the image of her in that bathroom will stick with me forever. She looked so peaceful, so carefree. I would have thought she was sleeping if it wasn't for the syringe tossed carelessly on the floor and the tightened belt around her arm. It gives me chills to think about her cold dead skin that had once been so lively and fair.12

That is what I have to live with. That image and of course, the guilt. So stop thinking of yourselves as the only victims. The blameless ones in this situation. I may have provided the means, but you provided the inspiration. And just as you lost a daughter that night, I lost my best friend. Don't try to place the blame. No one is blameless.13

Yours Truly,14

Me.15