Through A Glass, Darkly

Through A Glass, Darkly1

Sirius Black paced. Sirius Black ran a hand through his hair. Sirius Black opened his mouth, "James. I -" 2

"I know, mate. But -"3

"I'm not supposed to be here." 4

"When did you decide to have a relapse?"5

"Relapse, Potter! We're dead!" 6

"Exactly. Now calm down and have tea."7

"Tea. Tea again. Fucking tea. I wish I could get sick of it."8

"So what'll it be Sirius? Earl Grey? Oolong? Darjeeling..." Lily asked. Sirius winced at how she sounded like she was tending a bar instead of this tea trolley, stupid, stupid, stupid.9

"What did I have last time?"10

"Just pick one, Sirius!" James practically spat at him.11

"That's what I'm doing, James. I'm considering my choice - you're the one who told me to calm down and have bloody tea. That's what I'm bloody doing so I'll have some Oolong, please, Lily."12

It took Sirius three, and, James two cups of tea to cool off their tempers. All this was done in empty silence until James spoke up again.13

"Funny you haven't found your brother here...yet."14

"Not much of a point seeing the little bastard here, would it? Can't kill him again, if he'd be bloody here, can I?"15

"Good point." Lily muttered to her cup, shrugging. Her hair was still shiny, only grey-esque. Not quite but, she and James were without colour. Very much like their pictures in the Daily Prophet, trumpeting their death and harking The War's spiking. Sirius could almost remember how red it was and could almost compare it to even redder mane. If only he could remember. He looked at his skin. Going pallid. Not 16

enough sun. Or even moonlight. He bit on his lower lip, sucked on it as if it were a sweet, or something else sweeter. He released it and quickly examined his reflection on the dark-ish tea. Maybe there's a bit of red; somewhere there, in the folds of light.17

"Jamie? Lil?" Sirius spoke up, sounding very much like the fifteen-year-old self he once could remember, "It only occurred to me to ask you this."18

They waited. 19

"Simply out of curiosity," Sirius's mouth felt dry, if that was even possible, but he could imagine that, "how come I'm still of the same shades and colour and you. You're-"20

"You're not like us Sirius." Lily's voice cut smoothly. Sirius couldn't tell if it was cold, "we were pushed into this shit hole. Flushed, more like it." She lit a cigarette, took a drag and shoved the box towards Sirius deftly. "Our colours, I like to think, stayed on the other side. Harry has James's hair and my eyes. You get the gist." She shrugged and flicked the cigarette twice. "You just tripped."21

"So it took you nine* months to come up with that question?"22

"Eight and sixteen days*, mind." Sirius counted absently as he took a stick for himself. Still couldn't taste it. Not even if he tried burning a hole on his tongue. He looked at his friends from across the tea cart. James didn't cough at all, as Lily's cigarette drifted in and out of her mouth. Not once.23

The box was empty when Lily decided to speak again. "Ready to watch Harry brush his teeth again?"24

"I am." James polished his lenses and eagerly put them back on.25

"Sirius?" Lily snuffed the cigarette on her knee absently. She brushed off the ash, revealing the skin undamaged - untouched.26

"You sure, Sirius?"27

"Yes. Thanks. I'll- -" Sirius sighed. "Maybe I'll watch Remus shave tonight."28

"Alright."29

"See you, mate."30

"Yeah."31

Lily had something in mind, though. "What's her name again?"32

"Tonks." Sirius answered automatically. His voice was as flat as the cigarettes. 33

"Right. I need to remember that."34

Sirius nodded, then, "What for?" 35

"She might drop by soon. You know, permanently." She shrugged. The place had worked wonderful for Lily Evans Potter, Sirius thought.36

"You wish."37

"Actually, I think you wish." She ran her hands through her hair. "She reminds me of Gyn."38

Sirius snorted.39

"What?" The couple asked him.40

"Firstly, Gyn would kill you if she heard you say that. Not that that’s anywhere near a possibility. And, well, Gyn would kill Tonks."41

"But then she would have to wait in line."42

"Yeah, mate, if you'd save any for her, that is."43

Sirius stalked off and waved casually to them. This is what he liked it here. Sort of. It's not like he could go to anywhere else but the mirrors.44

So he stood there and waited. Sirius Black waited. For Remus to take off his shirt and brush his teeth. He couldn't look away. Sirius Black waited. Waited for Tonks to come up behind Remus and talk to him. He couldn't look away. Sirius Black waited. Waited for Remus to turn Tonks's hair pink again. He couldn't look away. Sirius Black waited. And when Tonks's cheeks matched and clashed, at the bloody same time, with her hair, the years he spent in Azkaban seemed like a joke. 45

So he screamed a scream that would have made the dead ring him to ask him to stop and the sliver of a crack he made on the mirror would become a shag-repercussion joke between Remus Lupin and Nymphadora Tonks. 46

Sirius Black didn’t come back to the mirror for a long span of time from where he was standing was pretty much indiscernible. Had he screamed a little longer, a little louder, he could have broken through. 47

Something made him look away. “Acid Pops, Sirius?” The bastard had to ask.48

*.*.*49

Notes:50

I was just hazarding the months and so forth with the *. Besides, when you're in that place, time is not exactly of the essence so it was most probably conversational sarcasm, those measures of time.51

And I think a mention of a dedication would now be appropriate:52

To Jo herself.53

Fuck you.54