Remember me?

So, there you are again. 1

Do you remember me?2

Man of my haunted regrets. My self-disgusted thoughts.3

I see you there and a thousand thoughts fill my mind. Horror. Fear. Disgust. Anguish. Regret.4

You made me feel these things. You helped make me this way.5

I want to make it clear. I do not blame you for all the wrongs in my life. I can stand strong enough to know that I must share the blame for my own sins.6

I do blame you for the way I feel right now.
I do blame you for unknowingly driving a wedge between my parents and myself because of what I couldn’t tell them.
I do blame you for further complicating and already over-burdened life.
I do blame you for taking what little slither of my innocence that remained.
I do blame you.
I have that right.7

Goddamit. I will not let you do this to me. I will not let you make me cry, be angry, feel disgusted with myself. I won’t let you.
I won’t let you make me feel this way.8

I’ve had a better life since then. I’ve done better things. I have grown. I am a man.
I’m no longer that scared boy. I’m not longer that naïve.
That person is gone.9

How dare you come back now. When I’m only just starting to pick up my life again. How dare you ask to be my friend again. How dare you!10

Don’t you know who you are?11

You’re the man that raped me.12

You did this.
Look at me.13

Don’t tell me you don’t remember. Don’t tell me you’re sorry.
You do not have the right.14

I won’t let you do this to me.
I won’t let you make me angry. I won’t let you make me scared.
You will never have that power over me again.15

But I cannot forget that you are there. I cannot stop these thoughts from coming.16

So, if I cannot forget…17

I have told you again. Who I am. Who you are.
And I tell you this…18

I pity you. I pity that you couldn’t find someone your own age to do that to. I pity you that you not only took away my trust but also the trust of my parents, who treated you as a friend. Who let you into our house. 19

I pity you.20

And I tell you this…21

It has been sixteen years. You have haunted me for long enough. You have kept control for long enough. I will never forget you. No power on earth will remove those memories. But, I won’t live by them alone anymore. I will not bear this burden alone.22

Know that there are so many things I could have done. So many ways you could be punished.23

But this will be the worst.24

I will never forget.25

So, I forgive you.26

And I walk away free.

Author notes

It took sixteen years to banish the monster from the side of my bed. I don't expect everyone to agree with my decision to do so, but next time you think in fear and hate, you must ask yourself, how long do you want to live with that thought. Eventually we have to let go.

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Comments

1 - 5 of 5

  • hannahhacker
    June 4

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    A breathtaking written work.

    I love the highly emotional ending with the forgiveness and the moving on.

    You used a lot of "I do" repetition which strengthens the feelings that are running high.

    Very thoughtful and well used.

    Well done

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.

  • hiemvan
    May 28
    Edit | Reply
    it cooool haagagag


  • SimplyNoodle
    May 27

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    Wow.

    Very ture and sad as well, the emotional struggle deffinatly shows, and then so does the light at the end. I love the way you wrote this out so much dept in it. And yes your right, We do evently have to let go of the sad, disturbing past. But somtimes poeple hold on because they dred what may happen if they forget. They keep it close to them so they have somthing to hold onto, Pathetic at times I know. But somtimes you hold onto somthing like that beacause you rember so clear what it was like befor, and how diffrent everything is now. I am not sure I am making very much sence, But I would like to wish you luck in the contest. And I hope you continue writting beacause you are very good at explaining things with emotional dept. Thank you for your time.
    ~ Chelsey


  • Lawrie gold member
    May 26
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    Very strong!

    A very strong, punchy piece of writing with no holds barred, nothing held back.

    The raw emotion of anger is clearly shown, as is the contempt and the pity towards the end. I don't think I could show the perpetrator forgiveness, therefore your character must be stronger than mine.

    Just one small typo:

    para 22: bare s/b bear

    Strong, full of emotion and well written,


  • whoudini
    May 25

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    Good read

    These things happen and A word of advice it can haunt you for years if you let it and well a that point the person wins and you lose and like you said let it go and go on that the main thing and it was like i went through the whole thing again when i read this but than i am better than them so i hold strong and good writting and it was more vivid than i thought . thanks for the good read keep up the good work .

1 - 5 of 5