I stood at the edge of the shore line allowing the ebb and flow of the ocean to gently brush against my toes before receding. A gust of wind swept over the golden sandy beach lightly spraying me with bits of grit and sand. My head fell back, lolling comfortably against my shoulder blades as the smell and sounds of the ocean surrounded me. 1
My fingers drifted over my body as I casually undressed. There was no one around at this time of day when the sun begins to rise above the horizon like a glowing fiery orb drawn from the murky ocean depths. Goosebumps quickly replaced my clothes as I let them slide off my body to pool at my feet. 2
Taking a deep shaky breath I stepped forward deeper into the blue-green water. The sky was alight with hues of pink, blue, yellow, and gold greatly contrasting with the surface of the ocean which shimmered like a million blue diamonds. 3
The ocean had always fascinated me as a child, and even more so now that I am fully grown. I liked to humor myself by thinking the Earth was a mixture of two worlds. Two worlds so closely joined and dependent of each other that one could not exist without the other; like yin and yang. 4
Long ago the world once belonged to just my kind before the humans were made. Humans explored the many unknown lands of rock and sand uncovering its secrets, only to want to know more. They greedily claimed every hidden jewel and treasure they discovered as their own. Then they sought out the secrets of the ocean using their metallic contraptions that allowed them to survive for hours underwater. Thankfully even their machines have limits, keeping the humans from discovering the ocean's most prized possessions. She keeps her secrets well hidden and reveals them only to those who mean her no harm. 5
Yes, the world of sun and wind became the humans', but the mysterious world under water belonged to the beings of old. But now, the ocean was only mine. 6
I sighed as an old and familiar heart throb robbed me of happiness. For the hundredth time today I wished more entities like me had survived. Sea dragons, we were once a mighty race both bold and proud. Many died from the shiny silver submarines that humans had used to explore the ocean’s floor, but many more have died from loneliness. 7
As I am now.8
Sea Dragon's cannot survive without a partner. We are joined to others of our race just as the sun is to the moon, the ocean to the land. The ocean is the only reminder I have of greater days when Sea Dragons swam amidst the forgotten world, now buried beneath a sheet of water. 9
With a soft slosh the ocean gently pulled me back to reality. The shimmering water drifted lazily against the top of my thighs pushing against my body like thousands of tiny hands. A deep, pleasant hum rose in my chest, and I knew my soul was rejoicing to be reconnected with the ocean. The rhythmic push and pull of the water grew faster and more insistent as I submerged my entire body beneath the ocean's surface. 10
I patiently closed my eyes, extending my arms outwards from my body as my hair billowed about my head as if the strands were alive. The cool water glided over my body as I searched deep within myself for my dragon’s pearl. It lay dormant inside of me but came alive once my toes touched the shore line. 11
My dragon’s pearl was special. It was the source of my powers, a most precious gift given to me by Mother Ocean herself. A dragon's pearl is contained within each sea dragon as the essence of their souls. It was magnificent, enchanting, but most importantly alive.12
I vaguely felt the shifting of a great power within my chest as my dragon's pearl began to stir and uncoil itself. My eyes drifted shut since words alone were not powerful enough to grace my pearl, so I let my affection for the ocean guide me.13
‘ Dragon Pearl, I beseech you. It is I, Nagendra. I wish to be a sea dragon once more and travel amongst this world of water. I know you hold many treasures and many secrets but I wish to discover none. I belong to this old, long forgotten world and know that some secrets are best left untold. I beg you, grant me this wish so that I may relish in the ocean’s splendor once more. I am a daughter of the sea in birth right and succumb to only you.’ I thought, letting my soul speak for me. 14
I didn't expect an answer. My dragon's pearl has never spoken to me in all these years, but I did not require words. I felt my pearls answer as the familiar power of the sea surrounded me. I opened my eyes to watch as little lines formed throughout the water as if some invisible force sliced through the ocean itself. 15
Tiny tendrils of water slid over my body in short snaps as their numbers multiplied by the second. I knew this was apart of the metamorphosis and relaxed my body as I felt my limbs stretching and lengthening. A pair of sapphire blue wings sprouted from my shoulders, extending into my 8 foot wingspan complete with webbing between each of my fingers. 16
I softly groaned as my legs and arms thickened, shifting into four powerful limbs that would slash through water like a hot knife through butter. Next came my torso and then my head. Both elongated into a dragon's angled head and slender neck, and I carefully shook myself as a wave of tiny pin pricks tickled my body. 17
Gills formed on the side of my neck, and I began to breath again. Glancing over my shoulder I noticed my scales had formed, completing my transformation. I rumbled my thanks to Mother Ocean and sprung forward as my gigantic bat-like wings cut through the water. My head jostled in a side-to-side motion which my body quickly followed. I smiled as I thought, 'how I look very much like a snake right now.'18
Tilting my head downwards, I dove deeper into the ocean's depths stifling a shiver as the water took on a gradual chill. As always, I was enchanted by the amount of unique communities of plants and animals that lived around the ocean floor. All kinds of colorfully marked fish swam along the sandy bottom, sweeping their tails from side to side. Squid and jelly fish lethargically drifted about only stirring as I glided past. What fascinated me even more was the sunken ship half buried between the troughs of the ocean floor. 19
Curious, I dove downwards between the edges of the ocean's floor towards the stationary wooden ship. A chill swept over my body as the unsettling quietness of the area rattled my nerves. I strove forward, wings slowly stroking through the water. I circled the ship, satisfied that the clearing held no hidden surprises. 20
I gazed at the ship with detachment, not caring how many humans died as the boat sunk. Time had savagely torn the ship apart, rotting the wooden planks, and allowing green algae to thrive wildly and unkempt. 21
The sound of a muffled chime caught my attention, drawing it away from the ship. I looked around but was disappointed when I could not see what had made the sound. 22
I heard it again, the faint soft chime, then again. A rhythm began to form as each soft chime resonated and echoed throughout the ocean. The tempo increased forming a mournful melody, soft like a small wind chime. 23
Instinct told me I had to find where this sound originated from. With an urgency that wasn't just my own, I swam left and right desperately trying to track down the sound. My webbed wings slowly stroked through the water as the constant chiming began to call to me. 24
It urged me forward, beckoning me like a long lost lover. The melody played out and I nearly cried in frustration. As if sensing my distress the song began again, instilling hope within me. I swam with haste. Zig-zagging through the water as I scanned the ocean floor for something...anything!25
My breath froze in my throat as the glint of something shiny caught my eye. I remembered my promise to the my dragon pearl and Mother Ocean, 'I know you hold many treasures and many secrets but I wish to discover none,' and doubt began to break my resolve. I turned to leave but the song rose in insistence. 26
Reluctantly I turned back to stare down at the shiny bobble. I nudged the sand surrounding it with my nose and was surprised to find a pearl. It was rather large and a creamy peach color. I gently touched the pearl with the tip of my nose and a chime resonated through the water. 27
'What an interesting little pearl' I thought. 'Almost as if it was a...' My thought trailed off before I thought the impossible. 28
I gently nosed the pearl once more as another chime resonated from within. I had only heard stories of dragon pearls that existed far after their bodies had withered away. It was hard to wrap my mind around the thought. 29
'I've found a dragon's pearl' I pondered, trying to figure out what I should do with the thing. 30
It was beyond valuable and I wasn't quite ready to part with the pearl so soon after being acquainted. 31
I felt the intimate shifting of my dragon's pearl once more. Trusting someone with the enchanting gem wasn't a option, and I somehow knew I couldn't...wouldn't give the pearl away. I swam back towards the shore as quickly as my wings would carry me, clutching the pearl between my teeth as if someone would try to steal it from me. 32
I stopped short of reaching the shoreline to examine the pearl once more pleased to see there were no marks on its surface from my teeth. I safely stored the pearl in my mouth as I felt my my own dragon pearl reversing my metamorphosis. 33
My wings, muscled legs, elongated neck, and angled head quickly shifted back into the the distinguishable form of a human woman. My coal black hair lightly swished against my back joining in the rhythm of the waves as it ushered me from the ocean. 34
I set my vision upon the soft rays of sunlight piercing the surface of the ocean and kicked. Pumping my human legs to propel me farther as my head broke the surface. I gasped, spitting the pearl into my hands as I gulped down air. Swimming towards the shore I was thankful that everyone seemed to have an aversion to the beach today. 35
climbing from the ocean I quickly dressed in the clothes I had carelessly discarded before my change. I held the pearl up into the sunlight watching as the pearl shimmered between a soft pink and cream color. 36
"I don't know what I shall do with you little one," I whispered to the pearl as if it could understand me, "but maybe our existence won't be so saddening now that we've found each other." I smiled to myself, silently promising the pearl I would find a way to communicate with him or her.37
I cast my gaze at my feet, studying my slender human legs and watching as the determined waves erased all signs of my travels from the wet sand. With a sigh, I turned away from my beloved ocean. 38
"What humans would do should they ever discover your treasures." I whispered to myself more than Mother Ocean as the waves powerfully crashed against the shore growing fainter...and fainter as I walked away.
Author notes
This is a contest entry. I had the idea for some time now, but decided to use it in this contest because it was convenient. I hope you enjoy my story.
In a list
A contest entry
- One from the Ladies by Lady Eventide.
2000 points, ended June 16, 14 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Your Best Short Stories by iDifferent-.
129 points, ended June 15, 11 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Anything Goes 24-hour contest by Jennywinnie.
130 points, ended June 17, 38 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - A Critic's Critical Critiquing by Asfand.
350 points, ended June 26, 23 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - The best of the best ... and the rest by colinlinder.
160 points, ended June 21, 16 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Best Only by DeathByChocolate.
186 points, ended July 10, 46 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Funny, Fantasy and Random! by Mistress Cheetah.
150 points, ended July 12, 20 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - First Chapter or Prologue by TheFemmeFatale.
600 points, ended July 18, 18 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - From the Land Beyond by CallMeWhenUrRich.
350 points, ended July 17, 20 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Three Options by Miss Recondite.
140 points, ended October 25, 61 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Dragon characters by Shadow dragon.
108 points, ended September 2, 12 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Roaring Beasts!! (DRAGONS! xD) by MintAnimeAngel.
130 points, ended September 14, 10 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Anything and Everything! ENTER! by Sheilasbabygal4life.
325 points, ended October 15, 99 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 55 of 55
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Nicely done. Thank you for entering and best of luck too you in the contest!
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it was good
i liked it. thanks for entering my contest.
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Thank you for reading and commenting. I appreciate it. Good luck judging your contest!
Amanda
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Cool i hope you are going to continue it.
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Wow. This is a very interesting story. Keep writing, and I wonder if you'll continue.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Thank you for the read and comment. I will certainly be continuing this story, as well as creating prequel stories too!
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Personally, I would have given you a gold trophy. A well written dragon story that any child in middle school would enjoy reading.
I could imagine this story published as a short book with great illustrations and It would probably sell well, if reworked in a second draft.
Nicely done, the kind of story that I would purchase for my childrens' book collection.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Awe, thank you for the lovely comment Marta. I actually was writing this story aimed towards pre-teens. However, now that you mention it, this story would be well suited for children as well. Thank you for reading and commenting on my story, I appreciate it.
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This is a unique and lovely little tale. It's beautifully told and even evokes some emotions.
I did find a few typos that you can look at.
p14 ‘ Dragon Pearl, -- no space after the '
p16 "I knew this was apart" in this context apart should be "a part"
p18 "'how I look very" even though it's in the middle of a sentence a quoted sentence usually has the first word capitalized, so "How" should be.
p24 "as the constant chiming began to call to me." the word "began" seems to contradict "constant". The chimes seemed to call to her before this point anyway, so perhaps this can be reworded?
p30 'I've found a dragon's pearl' this seems to need some punctuation at the end, either simply a comma (as that's what's normally used to separate quotes from speech tags), or maybe a question mark if she's questioning that she actually found one. I just noticed that I missed a similar one in p28, but in that case it's definitely a comma you want to put after pearl.
p33 "I felt my my own dragon pearl" looks like you have an extra "my" here.
p36 "climbing from the ocean" "climbing" should be capitalized
This begs to question, why was she in human form? What's happened to her that she can't be a dragon all the time? And of course I would love to know what does happen with the pearl. Ooohhh... so many questions, but that's not a bad thing. It's good to get your reader thinking about that sort of stuff. So Kudos!
Thanks for the nice dragon read.
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Well, I have to say Coquette had already covered what I wanted to say.
It was a truly original piece, and I love that. Descriptions were done vividly and it was beautifully written. Good luck!
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Wonderful!
Beautiful descriptions! I usually don't like dragon stories because they're all the same, but this is unique and original. I think you've won me over! Your writing is beautiful, and your adjectives are fantastic.
Thank you for entering!
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it's alright, even though you went way over the limit.
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Thank you for the read and the comment. I apologize for going way over the limit. Good luck with your contest.
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I like this, quite a bit.
There are a few places where you can tidy up your sentence structure or remove a few dead words. I also saw "apart" when it was supposed to be "a part"
I always thought present tense is better than past when you write in first person.
Anywayz, good job
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Thank you for the read and comment. I'm glad you liked my story. I will have to go through my story and fix the errors; I might tackle that tomorrow. Thank you again for the comment. I appreciate it.
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Nice, enjoyed reading this a lot. I absalutly love fantasy! Congradulations on having a great original concept! I htink we hae a finalist here Congrats!
Thank you very much for entering this lovely story in my ocntest. Good luck!
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Thank you for reading and commenting on my story! I'm glad that you enjoyed it. Good luck judging your contest!
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A very enjoyable read. Fantasy is not usually my thing, but I enjoy good quality writing in any genre. This story had some clever original concepts as well, which is increasingly rare
Thanks for entering my contest. -
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Thank you for reading my story and commenting. I'm thrilled that you enjoyed my little tale! I hate to admit it but coming up with original concepts theses days is getting harder and harder; at least that is what I think.
Never the less, thank you again and for the bronze trophy. I appreciate it!
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I think it has beautiful imagery. Wonderful descriptions. The sentences flowed together smoothly and the whole piece read very well. I love the concept. Although shape-shifting dragons are common, sea dragons are well, less so, so it's good. What i truly found unique was the wonderful concept of the pearl. I love how enchanting it sounds, and what a deep connection it has with the character.
Grammar was spot on. I think what I would want you to change was the middle. It dragged. Her transformation - albeit interesting and a focal point is just too much. It distracts away from the story due too much description.
Also, I would love more intimacy at the end. More emotion. She had been living alone for so many years and now she sees this pearl which reminds her of everything she's lost and gives her a possibility for hope - the emotion in this should be gut-wrenching.
Anyway, I think it's a great story with a wonderful feel to it. The beginning is engaging. The ending satisfying.
Great job and good luck!
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Thank you Asfand for reading and commenting on my story. I'm thrilled that you enjoyed it. Also, thank you for pointing out things that I could change or need to change. I appreciate it! Good luck with your contest.
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Abslutely beautiful! I loved the imagery, very colorful!
I very rarely see GOOD fantasy stuff on his site, but you made the list!
In p5 you mntion my kind alot, but I didn't know what you wuld be...if you want keep us on the hook, butatleast give a clue you could mention sneeky like, my deep dragon eyes, or ...was she shape ifed into a peson in the beginn because I hought you were describing a person getting into th water. If yes, mention it befre, if not give me mor clue before like scaled skin, or fins...or something like that.
Ok, later you explain it...but you might mention something sooner because I was a bit confused for a minute.
That was truely awesome! -
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Hi Jenny! Thank you for comenting on my story. I'm glad you enjoyed it. Okay, I will do my best to answer your questions.
Well, I start the story off with a woman standing on the beach. I mention that she has arms and legs when she is taking off her clothes, and then steps into the water. As she walks deeper into the water, I give you sneak peaks as to what she really is...a human that can turn into a water dragon; or dragon shifter (which ever you prefer). Then once she is fully submerged into the water I mention that she goes through the metamorphosis into a dragon.
Thank you for pointing out that I should mention something more about the woman being human before hand. I will definitely go back and see what I can do to fix that so that there is no mix up.
Thank you again for commenting. I'm glad you enjoyed my story. I will also be commenting on the three stories required in your contest rules as soon as I return from school.
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This is a beautifully descriptive story. I loved your idea. I've never heard of this idea before, too, so it gives you a high score on my side of the board. Wonderfully written and greatly described.
Good luck in my contest,
♥RayneFall♥
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Thank you for reading and commenting on my story. I'm pleased that you enjoyed it! Good luck judging your contest!
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Oh, wow! Talk about beautiful! This story was extremely beautiful, and held my interest as I sought to understand your main character--who is definitely original. Other than a few things I saw grammatical-wise and whatnot, I thoroughly enjoyed this piece. I wish you all the best in the contest.
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Thank you for such a kind comment. I'm happy that you enjoyed my story. I will be making my rounds to fix those pesky grammatical errors as soon as I can. Thank you again, and good luck judging your contest!
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A very different tale - and I think it has some potential to be a lot more than a short story. Apart from minor grammar errors and some redundancies, this read very well. The description in this piece - from the transformation through to the setting and the search for the other pearl - was well-wrought.
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Thanks for the kind comment Blondie! I'm pleased that you enjoyed my story. I just might turn it into a novella one day.
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This was a diffrent little story with a lot of creativity. you are an amazing detailist. (if that's a word haha) I love how you tell a story. Very indepth with a lot of thought behind what the characters are feeling so that the reader can understand what their going through. you make it very easy to get into the characters mind and feel like their right there with you. great job.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Thank you for reading and commenting on my story. I'm pleased that you enjoyed it. It was actually very hard to create a background; since the character's background is so critical sometimes. Anyways, thank you for reading my story.
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Wow.
This was a very lovely piece. I adore the concept, and the way you first presented us beauty and then brought in powerful loneliness. You paint great mental pictures; your description of Nagendra's transformation is well done, as is the scene in which she finds the lonesome pearl and takes it to the surface.
I just love the way you ended the story, and if you continued this story in some way, I would definitely read. But this entry could stand beautifully on its own.
There were, however, some distracting errors. The first thing that I noticed is that you seem to underuse commas. I know there's no absolute right or wrong with commas, but there's a limit:
I would have written "Humans explored the many unknown lands of rock and sand uncovering its secrets, only to want to know more." as...
"Humans explored the many unknown lands of rock and sand, uncovering its secrets, only to want to know more."
The comma after "sand" makes "uncovering its secrets" an appositive, which means you could remove the phrase and the sentence would still technically make sense:
"Humans explored the many unknown lands of rock and sand, only to want to know more."
I'm not saying you SHOULD have done that--that was just an example. You left numerous appositives open. I also feel like you overused adverbs:
Paragraph 21 - "Time had savagely torn the ship apart."
You could communicate the same thing more effectively with something like "Time had ripped the ship apart."
Apart from things of that nature, this story is beautiful and touching. I have always loved stories about dragons (maybe because I can't write them myself), so thank you for writing this.
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I can't explain the extent of my gratitude. I love receiving comments such as yours (lengthy and descriptive), its a relief from just 'I liked it a lot!'. I'm very pleased that you enjoyed my story. Thank you for stopping by to read and comment; I appreciate it.
Also, the errors that you pointed out...I will definitely get around to making the changes soon. Thank you again! -
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You are very welcome. I enjoy critiquing. If you read my stories you would see that I probably have no business being so critical.
I'll check out some more of your work! -
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Hahas! I beg to differ. I haven't taken a look at your stories yet, but I'm positive that your just being humble. But, its a good thing that you were so critical. I might have not caught those mistakes if you hadn't pointed them out.
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What a great idea. I've read many a book and story about dragons,(yeah, I like dragons), but never of sea dragons that swim the ocean. I like it.
I like the concept of the dragon pearl as well. Great descriptions throughout to bring us into her world. I liked her transformations.
The only thing I noticed besides grey's comment on p26 was in p36: climbing - Climbing, since it starts the paragraph.
I really enjoyed this and hope you decide to continue it. I'd like to see what she does from here.
Greg
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Ahh, another error! Those confounded things; I will fix it right away. Thank you for pointing it out. Also, thank you for taking the time to read and comment on my story. I'm glad you enjoyed it, and yes, there will be another part if not a entire novella length story written on this little sea dragon sometime in the near future.
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its wonderful, totally different , good imagination
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Thank you for taking the time to read and comment on my story. I'm pleased that you enjoyed it.
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Wow, a great story, along with a great accomanying picture. Your imagery was great and it was a very original tale. I hope you write more, if so pls message me, I would be delighted to read more. Dragons are awesome.
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Thank you for reading and commenting on my story. I'm pleased that you liked it. Yes, I am planning on writing more when I can find the time. At the moment I am throwing the idea around about either writing more to make a complete short story...or turning this story into a novella. I will keep you updated when I do add more.
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Oooo, I like this very much. Your description was amazing. My favorite line ever was: "joining in the rhythm of the waves as it ushered me from the ocean."
Your original concept is very entertaining! I like the living pearl idea. Any plans for a second part to this?
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Awesome! I'm pleased that you enjoyed my story. Thank you for reading commenting. I am throwing the idea around about a part two, or maybe even extending this story into a novella. If I write anything more to this I will surely post it in SAR.
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Very original concept here. You've done an excellent job with this little story. I think her finding the pearl opens the door for more story. People will want to know what happens with pearl and Nagendra. Only spotted one small thing Para26-lines 1-2 the-my, you need to take one or the other out. Good story, I enjoyed reading it.
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I'm glad you enjoyed reading my story. Thank you for stopping by to read and comment. I'm considering writing another chapter about Nagendra and the pearl, but for now it is just an idea.
Oh, and thank you for spotting that error. I will fix it soon.
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wow! this is really good! I'd like to read more!
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Thank you for reading and commenting on my story. I am happy that you liked it. I am considering writing a second part, but for now it is just an idea. lol
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Again, this is another really good piece. Very well-written, then again I can always expect that from you.
Good luck in the contest! -
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Haha, I hope you can always expect that from me. *chuckles* Again, thank you for reading and commenting on my stories.
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This was verry good. Extremely well written, please continue it.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Thank you for reading and commenting on my story. I'm glad that you enjoyed it. I am considering continuing this story and making it a novella, so its a possibility.
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Beautiful
That is the only word I can use to describe this. What you did here was breath taking. I love dragons and I loved your story. I really felt for Nagendra. Being alone is terrible, more so if you are the last of your kind. I hope you continue the story and somehow find a way for her to meet another of her kind.
beginning: 4, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, characters: 5.
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I thought I replied to this. lol Sorry for missing your comment. Thank you for reading and commenting on my story. I'm glad that you enjoyed reading it. I also love dragons; well anything that is mysterious or unique. lol But yes, I am thinking about continuing the story somehow, I will keep you updated if I do.
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it is really good. i like the idea about it. it different. you should write more
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Thank you for reading and commenting on my story. I'm glad that you like it. I will try to write more...maybe extend this story into short story or novella.
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