Flying on Broken Wings

Missing image
The morning was deathly quiet as I stared out at the great expanse of blue high-level cirrus clouds. The thin, white clouds drifted lazily through the sky, teasing me with the occasional glimmer of colorful arrays of blue, pink, and gold as the sun crested the horizon in the distance. My heart began to beat wildly as I positioned myself on the edge of the cliff. My bare feet tingled in anticipation as my soft white cotton gown caught the wind, fluttering urgently against my legs. I hadn’t even moved but I was already panting. 1

I could feel an urge building within my chest, rising into a strong, steady crescendo. Before I knew it, the thing inside me made me spread my arms and I let my body fall over the edge of the cliff. I was falling…falling into darkness. 2

The wind rushed by me, caressing my body like a passionate lover. My finger tips tingled with the need to free myself, to fly. Light flooded my vision as I opened my eyes to watch as the ground rushed to meet me. I wasn’t afraid in the least; instead I laughed. 3

I laughed as my hair billowed behind my head like a raging blond fire, arcing outwards to curl around my arms. I felt weightless and carefree. This is what I live for. With a yell I threw my head back, giving into the throws of my fall as my body was engulfed by blue fire. 4

The flames flickered and licked at my skin, hair, and dress as if it was alive. The fire withered and rose as if breathing, growing in size until I felt something inside break free. I cried out in ecstasy as my body was engulfed in a raging swirl of golden light. 5

With a fierce cry I burst free of the glowing ball of golden and blue flames, spreading my wings to their entire 6 foot span. With a harsh stroke I pushed away from the ground just before my body would have impacted against the earth. I soared through the air, pausing only to stroke upwards as I climbed higher and higher into the clouds. 6

A fierce, cold gust of wind threatened to disrupt my path but I strove onward. I cast my gaze left and right, examining my body for any defects. My plush sapphire blue feathers fluttered softly against the wind, and my long tail feathers a mix of blue, jade green, lemon yellow, and ruby red ruffled as my swelling levels of joy just about smothered me. 7

I released a fierce Caw as I tucked my wings against my sides and dove towards the earth. I loved free falling. The feel of my body careening through the sky, and the loss of control is intoxicating. Reluctantly I pulled up before I flew to close too the village.8

Birds of Paradise were not seen often around these parts any more, due to the increasing number of hunters in the general area. I was one of the few, and last Bird of Paradise left to grace the planet Earth. My parents had perished by the bullet of a hunter’s rifle merely three Springs ago. 9

A pang of sadness pierced my heart and I lurched to the left, before quickly veering back onto my course. I wondered how anyone with a heart could shoot something as beautiful as me. My designs resembled that of a peacock, except my race was exceptionally more intelligent…due to Birds of Paradise being shifters (beings able to shift between man and some form of creature).10

No matter, I could not dwell on thoughts of my lost family any longer. The pain had nearly driven me mad, and I had previously given up flying; but no more. Flying is my only way to connect with my mother and father now. Time has all but erased every loving or hateful memory I have of them; except their appearances. 11

I gently pecked at the gold pendant that dangled from the necklace that hung around my neck. I was relieved to see it had made it through the change intact. It is the only possession of value I have left of my parents, and I won’t remove it from my body even if my life depended on it. 12

I decided to glide and relaxed my body until I felt the wind catch my wings, carrying me forward on its own. It was as if it had a mind of its own, swirling, and drifting about. It guided me towards the beach, which was set off to my right. I gazed down at the sandy shores letting the rhythmical ebb and flow of the tide sooth my nerves. No one seemed to be down and about, so I assumed it was safe enough to perch on a nearby tree. 13

Stretching my wings once more, I slowly began to descend towards the glistening golden sand and shimmering turquoise ocean. The surrounding forest seemed to have a stillness about it that sent little shocks of worry throughout my body. I disregarded it as anything other than the animals concern about my own appearance; I wasn’t exactly a small bird after all. 14

With a contented sigh I stuck out my legs as my wings slowed my descent, preparing to perch on a low hanging branch. The sound of a gun being readied caught my attention. I looked downward and below me sat a grisly man in his late thirties with the shiny metallic barrel of a gun pointed straight at me. 15

My wings hastily stroked downward, pumping the air in great gusts as I strove to get as far away from the man as I could. I veered left just as the gun exploded. A propelled piece of metal sliced the air right in front of me and I back pedaled flying in the opposite direction. My necklace fell from my neck as I turned to leave, plummeting from my position in the sky like a small meteor. 16

“Noo!” I dove without thinking. I had to get my necklace back. It’s all that I have left of my parents. I couldn't...wouldn't loose it! I caught up with the necklace, desperately trying to capture the ends of its flailing chains with my beak. For the first time in my life I cursed myself for not having hands and opposable thumbs when I needed them. 17

I pulled up just before I collided with the branches of the trees. They were so closely packed together I couldn’t fly, much less move well through them. I threw my head back and cried as I veered to the left heading in the direction of the village and safety. 18

Caaaw! 19

Wet drops formed at the corner of my eyes, and I shook my head to dislodge them. The gun roared as another piece of metal cut through the air with a loud hiss inches from my tail feathers. 'Why can’t he just leave me alone?' I wondered to myself as I tried not to panic. 20

I drove my wings downward with enough force to immediately rise 4 feet into the air. A little more and he wouldn’t be able to get me. A few more feet, that’s it. The gun roared again, but I was too focused on my goal. A sharp pain pierced my shoulder. With a cry I glanced at my left wing, cringing as I saw I had been shot. 21

My wings barely worked as I rose and fell through the sky. My destination seemed to becoming farther and farther away. I knew I wasn’t going to make it. With a final stroke of my broad wings I folded them against my sides to protect them as I fell. 22

I crashed through the branches of the trees, slowing my descent as my body hit the ground hard enough to disorientate me. My body screamed in pain, and I knew I would have to shift and fast!23

The heavy foot falls of the hunter was increasing, and I knew he would be here soon. My only chance was to shift. I lay on my side as my body reversed the metamorphosis. Wincing as my thin, light wings grew into the distinguishable shape of the arms of an adolescent girl. As my vision locked onto my human arms I wished I was myself again; human. 24

Moments later, I laid there amidst the dirt, bushes, and forest. Sweat soaked the front of my night gown and plastered my hair to the crown of my head. I stood carefully avoiding touching or putting weight on my arm. I gazed at the bleeding limb and was thankful the bullet had gone completely through. 25

A twig snapped behind me. I whirled around reluctantly to see the hunters' shocked face and the twin barrels of a shot gun pointed directly at my face. Shock render us both silent and I mentally counted to fifty to calm my frightened nerves. I gazed upwards at the hunters' face to try to read his next move. 26

I was right in my assumption that he was in his late thirties, beginning to bald in the front, and had an unshaven, grisly beard. His face told of many hard years spent but his eyes spoke of a kind heart. 27

My legs wobbled and gave out as the hunter pointed his rifle downwards and away from me. I collapsed upon the ground with my gown pooling around me, panting in relief. But a twinge of pain in my arm quickly put my predicament into perspective. 28

The man spoke, drawing my attention away from the pain in my arm. His voice was deep with the touch of a southern accent. “Y-you were just a bird, were you not?” I flinched when he pointed a finger in my direction. 29

“Yes.” I heard my voice, soft yet firm which helped to steady my nerves. 30

“Now that I know you are a gurl, I can’t shoot you.” He said more to himself, as if he was making up his mind. “What in tar’nation are you?”31

I sighed, I couldn’t think of any incident before in history where a human discovered that Bird shifters existed. “I am a Bird of Paradise, but I am also human.” I said watching his face flash from interest to confusion to a mixture of both. “I am a shifter.”32

“You mean like the folks in all of those fantasy novels that turn into a creature under the full moon?” He asked hesitantly. 33

A smile touched my lips. “Those are werewolves but it’s something like that.” I replied suddenly growing tired of this conversation. 34

“This is just too weird. And you,” he said pointing his finger at me again, “your just a young’en and by the looks of ya barely past fourteen.” His eyebrows rose towards his hair line at the thought. 35

“I’m fifteen.” I replied softly. 36

He made a strangled sound which drew my attention back to him. His face was drained of color and he stumbled backwards through the bushes without thinking. "I’ve shot a child! I don’t believe what I’m seeing, none of it’s true. It’s all lies!" He ran his hands through what little hair he had left and wrapped his fingers around the brown strands. 37

In his frenzy a golden trinket fell from his pocket clattering against the ground and coming to a rest in front of me. I hesitantly reached out and retrieved the trinket, hoping it was mine. 38

I turned the pendant over in my palm to reveal the cursive engraving on the front which read, 'we love you Amanda'. My eyes instantly filled with tears and I clutched the pendant to my chest tightly as if I risked a chance of loosing it. 39

The hunters' gun clambered to the ground and lay forgotten as he ran towards the village mumbling, "I’ve shot a child, who was a bird, but suddenly is a child. I feel like I’m going insane. I’ve gotta stop drinking."40

I openly wept, my tears creating tracks down my dirty face. I didn’t care. I was alive and I had my necklace. That’s all that mattered to me at the moment and nothing…nothing was going to destroy my sudden good mood; except maybe the bullet wound in my arm. 41

Author notes

For Contest: Tis Time For A Contest, I chose Option 2: Peacock Feathers.

This was a contest entry. I chose prompt number 9.

9. I could feel my heartbeat in my ears as I positioned myself on the cliff. I hadn't even moved but I was already panting. Before I knew it, the thing inside of me, made me run to the edge and I was falling... falling... falling... into darkness.

*********

This was an idea of mine that I have had for quite some time now. I decided to use it for a contest entry just so the topic of 'Birds of Paradise' would grant my mind a few minutes piece. I turned the topic into a 'shifter short story' but I think it turned out alright.

In a list

A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have 0. (?) (Line numbers)
    Ratings:

Comments

1 - 34 of 34

  • toolenduso
    July 16

    Edit | Reply
    Interesting idea! I don't hunt myself, but I'm sure this would be a little hard to deal with for anybody who did. That's a complex little wrench thrown in the ethics-works right there!

    Thanks for entering, and good luck in the contest!

    Style: 7/10
    Flow: 7/10
    Uniqueness: 4/5
    Readability: 6/7
    Effect: 7/10
    Lack of Errors: 3/3
    Personal Score: 3/5
    Total: 37/50


  • Lady Eventide Greeters member
    July 12

    Edit | Reply
    Oh, you are good. You pulled me in with your descriptions of grandeur, kept my attention by her flying through the air, and had me on the edge of my seat when she was trying to avoid getting shot.

    Wow.

    I thoroughly enjoyed this tale. There are parts of it that are very unique, which I also like. OH, wow. Brilliant.

    When she was crying in the end, I was crying to. I felt her pain, her sorrow, the hurt of being the last of her kind. A smile formed on my face while reading the ending. Beautiful, beautiful story.

    Thank you for entering this in my contest. All the best!!!

    ***************************

    A few suggestions and whatnot:

    Par 3: My finger tips [fingertips] tingled with the need to free myself, to fly.

    Par 4: With a yell [,] I threw my head back, giving into the throws of my fall as my body was engulfed by blue fire.

    Par 6: With a fierce cry [,] I burst free of the glowing ball of golden and blue flames, spreading my wings to their entire 6 foot span. With a harsh stroke [,] I pushed away from the ground just before my body would have impacted against the earth. I soared through the air [it’s obvious you’re in the air, would delete: through the air], pausing only to stroke upwards as I climbed higher and higher into the clouds.

    Par 8: Reluctantly I pulled up before I flew to [too] close too [to] the village.

    Par 9: I was one of the few, and last Bird of Paradise left to grace the planet Earth. [Other than Earth, where do they reside?]

    Par 13: I gazed down at the sandy shores [,] letting the rhythmical ebb and flow of the tide sooth my nerves.

    Par 14: I disregarded it as anything other than the animals [animal’s] concern about my own appearance; I wasn’t exactly a small bird after all.

    Par 15: With a contented sigh [,] I stuck out my legs as my wings slowed my descent, preparing to perch on a low hanging branch.

    Par 16: A propelled piece of metal sliced the air right in front of me and I back pedaled [,] flying in the opposite direction.

    Par 17: I couldn't...wouldn't loose [lose] it! / For the first time in my life [,] I cursed myself for not having hands and opposable thumbs when I needed them.

    Par 18: I threw my head back and cried as I veered to the left [,] heading in the direction of the village and safety.

    Par 21: With a cry [,]I glanced at my left wing, cringing as I saw I had been shot.

    Par 22: My destination seemed to becoming [del: to becoming] farther and farther away. / With a final stroke of my broad wings[,] I folded them against my sides to protect them as I fell.

    Par 24: The heavy foot falls [footfalls] of the hunter was [were] increasing, and I knew he would be here soon. / As my vision locked onto my human arms[,] I wished I was myself again; human.

    Par 25: I stood [,]carefully avoiding touching or putting weight on my arm.

    Par 26: I whirled around reluctantly to see the hunters' shocked face and the twin barrels of a shot gun [shotgun] pointed directly at my face. Shock render [rendered] us both silent and I mentally counted to fifty to calm my frightened nerves.

    Par 28: My legs wobbled and gave out as the hunter pointed his rifle downwards [del: downwards] and away from me.

    Par 32: I sighed, [.] I couldn’t think of any incident before in history where a human discovered that Bird shifters existed. / I said [,] watching his face flash from interest to confusion to a mixture of both.

    Par 34: “Those are werewolves [,] but it’s something like that.” I replied [,] suddenly growing tired of this conversation.

    Par 35: “And you,” he said pointing his finger at me again, “your [you’re] just a young’en and [,] by the looks of ya [,] barely past fourteen.” His eyebrows rose towards his hair line [hairline] at the thought.

    Par 38: In his frenzy [,] a golden trinket fell from his pocket [,] clattering against the ground and coming to a rest in front of me.

    Par 39: My eyes instantly filled with tears and I clutched the pendant to my chest tightly as if I risked a chance of loosing [losing] it.


  • Willowleaf-
    June 30

    Edit | Reply
    I liked it! At first I was a little confused about how a bird turned into a human, but then I understood. The ending was really good too. This story really touched my heart; the girl was so close to her necklace she almost died to save it. Great!


    • amanda vampiress silver member
      June 30
      Edit | Reply
      Hello Maplefrost,

      Thank you for the lovely comment! I'm glad that you enjoyed my story. I tried to put as much emotion into this story as I could. I will have to go back and fix a few things at the beginning so that way no one else gets confused. Thanks again, and good luck judging the contest!

  • Elegant Inspirer
    June 21

    Edit | Reply
    Not the way I would have chosen to end the story but I am not the author. I think it was an excellent write and it has potential for continuation. I think you should keep writing on this if you have ideas on how to continue it. You left it kinda like a cliff hanger but we as readers aren't totally in suspense on the edge of our seat we just want to know what happens next; almost like it’s an every day question. Again good story.

    Thanks for the entry!

    Elli

    • amanda vampiress silver member
      June 22
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you for taking the time to read and comment on my story. I am glad that you enjoyed my story. I am throwing the idea around of continuing this story, but I'm not sure as of yet which direction I would like to take this story in. Thank you again and good luck judging your contest!


  • Jennywinnie
    June 20

    Edit | Reply
    This starts out very descriptive and colorful...great job.

    So your a bird? that's really cool!

    Oh this is very orginal. I've never heard of birds of paradise being shifters...this is great!

    Great job on showing his/her emotion for the death of his/her parents, I at first thought it was weird that the bird knew about "hunters" but now it makes sense, because they are shifters.

    One point to think about is that I don't think most bird of paradise are shot...most of them are capture and sold as pets...that might also make a good spin. Just a thought

    • amanda vampiress silver member
      June 22
      Edit | Reply
      Hey Jenny! Thank you for reading and commenting on my story. I'm thrilled that you enjoyed my story Flying on Broken Wings!

      Also, you are quite right when you pointed out that most birds of paradise wouldn't be shot since they would be considered a very exotic pet. Though, I have seen a few mounted peacocks here and there, so that is why I used the idea of hunters. BUT, you have just given me an idea if I decide to continue this story.

      Thank you again, and good luck in your contest!

  • osmsk21
    June 20

    Edit | Reply
    The description and imagery in this story were very good. I really felt like I was there. At times it got a bit slow because it was sooo much description, but otherwise it was good

    • amanda vampiress silver member
      June 22
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you for reading and commenting. I'm glad that you liked my story. I admit that I do sometimes get carried away with the descriptions and the flow of words. I need to break that habit. Anyways, thanks again!


  • Marisalyn13
    June 18
    Edit | Reply
    Goooooooood Job


  • Ayesha Raees
    June 4

    Edit | Reply
    i like it... good work... nice way of writing... good description... i was though a little confused in the beginning but as the story came to the climax i absolutely loved it.

    All hunters should go to hell.

    good job!

    • amanda vampiress silver member
      June 4
      Edit | Reply
      Awe, thank you! I'm so happy right now. This will be my first bronze trophy. I'm glad that you enjoyed my story.

      Hmm..I will go back and look over the beginning of my story and see if I can spot any parts that need to be rewritten. Thank you for hosting the contest by the way and choosing my story for one of the finalists.

      Amanda

  • Kismet Krazy silver member
    June 3

    Edit | Reply
    I really like this. I hope there is more to come. this could be a very interesting story. you are wonderful at detail and i couldn't stop reading this from the beginning. I love how she can turn into the birds and the guys freak out in the end was a bit funny. But i seriosuly loved this and If you ever make it longer than a short story i'd love to read it.

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.

    • amanda vampiress silver member
      June 3
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you very much for taking the time to read and comment on my story; I really do appreciate it. I'm glad that you enjoyed my story so much, its always pleasing to hear someone likes my work. Also, there will be a second part...or more parts soon. I'm considering writing more to this story.

  • IfYouSeeHer
    June 3

    Edit | Reply
    i really liked this. what was really interesting about it though, was that in the beginning, i thought it was about a girl killing herself, so i was really intrigued by the fact that she could actually fly as opposed to the whole flying business acting as some kind of metaphor. very nice

    • amanda vampiress silver member
      June 3
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you for the read and comment. I'm glad you enjoyed my story. Hahas, the contest I entered this for is where I got the prompt...so it might have supposed to belong to a suicide story, but I twisted it to fit my style. LOL Thanks again for reading.


  • XxTattered WingsxX
    June 3

    Edit | Reply
    Hm, I'm not yet sure what to make of thos story. It was good but I think you were too focuses on minor details. You tried to make everything more descriptive than it really needed to be. I totally had deja vu while reading this though. I felt like I've read it before. Still, I enjoyed the plot line and you did while by choosing the prompt you did. I wish you the best of luck in the contests. =]

    • amanda vampiress silver member
      June 3
      Edit | Reply
      Really? Well darn, I had hoped my idea was unique. I suppose I based that judgment on the fast that I myself have never seen or read anything written about Bird shifters; but I know there must be for the idea has been invented after all. Thank you for reading and commenting. I'm sorry that my story didn't draw you in, but its not everyone's cup of tea.

      Hahas, could you point out one place in my story that I was too focused on minor details or too descriptive? If so, then I will go back and look over it and see if I could fix it somehow.


  • xMoonlightxDreamsx
    May 27

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, you are very talented! Your descriptions and imagery are amazing. Fantastic job. Good luck in the contests!

    • amanda vampiress silver member
      May 27
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you very much for reading and commenting on my story; I appreciate it very much. Also, I'm glad that you enjoyed it.


  • Emelite
    May 27

    Edit | Reply
    first, some grammer points which i feel is... um wrong?
    para 1: lazily drifted should be the other way around "Drifted lazily"
    maybe you can feel your heartbeat in your ears but it seems to sound...wrong. maybe "i can feel my the pulse of my heart in my ers" or "the beats of my heart" i just think that your ay of putting comes aross as weird...
    para 2: inside me not inside of mei let my body "fall" over the cliff, huge grammer mistake
    para 8: too close to the village
    para 9: the last Birds of Paradise
    para 15: major spelling error on descent
    para 23: same thing with descent and "hit the ground with enough impact to disorientate me" "i knew i had to shift and fast"Para 27: beginning to bald in front

    and some other punctuatuion errors but your imagery is very good! *applause* its a pretty and sad story. different kind from normal werewolf stuff(: yay for originality!

    • amanda vampiress silver member
      May 27
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you for reading and commenting. I appreciate you taking the time to point out my errors. I will definitely fix them as soon as I can. I'm glad you enjoyed my story...there may be a chapter two in the future as well. XD


  • GrimDeath
    May 26

    Edit | Reply
    Very well written. I loved your strong descriptions and details. Its a very interesting story and I am sure if you continue it will get only stronger.

    • amanda vampiress silver member
      May 26
      Edit | Reply
      Awe, thank you for reading and commenting. I am pleased that you enjoyed my story. I am throwing the idea of continuing this story around, so it is a possibility.


  • Fuzzyheart gold member
    May 26
    Edit | Reply
    Very good...Exelent discriptions, a few small errors.

    • amanda vampiress silver member
      May 26
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you for reading and commenting on my story. I will have to go back and find the errors, but thank you for pointing them out.


  • Tricia3 gold member
    May 24

    Edit | Reply

    Good story

    and very well told. Your descriptions were just like being there. There were a few small errors that I'm sure you would catch with a reread, but nothing serious. Great job.
    Trish

    • amanda vampiress silver member
      May 24
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you for reading and commenting on my story. I am very pleased that you enjoyed it. Yes, I do know that I have a few errors to go back and correct. I will do that shortly, but thank you for reminding me.

  • graybeard
    May 24

    Edit | Reply
    Good concept. Kept my interest from beginning to end. Wonderful job with the transformation and very good imagery throughout. The wording in some of the paragraphs needs to be looked at. Para.9 -line 1-para 12-line 5 para 14-line 6 para 21-line 6 para para 24-line 1 para 28 line- 1.

    • amanda vampiress silver member
      May 24
      Edit | Reply
      I have honestly been hoping I would get a comment as yours. I enjoy the ones that point out places that need to be corrected. Thank you for doing so, as well as for reading and commenting on my story. I'm pleased that you liked it. I will be making the necessary changes soon.


  • silkcatseye
    May 24

    Edit | Reply
    I really enjoyed your story. The beginning drew me right into the story. I liked the way you introduced your character however it would be nice if we knew her name as she is your main character I think that it would make her a little more realistic. It went at an easy pace and it kept my attention I liked the way you took us through her changing the imagy it i well written. The story flowed beautifully and full of emotion. I can't see much wrong with it it is a great story but maybe you could consider turning it into a short novel

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.

    • amanda vampiress silver member
      May 24
      Edit | Reply
      Oh goodness! I can't believe I forgot her name! Thank you for pointing that very critical element out. I will certainly add it right away. Thank you for your gracious comment, I appreciate you taking the time to read and comment on my story. As for your idea of turning this into a short novel, I have been playing with that idea a bit.

      Maybe, the theme could be 'my main character sets off to find other Birds Of Paradise like herself' and I could describe her adventure. Ahh, what an idea. Now, it may be a little more than a possibility.

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