Warm tears streamed down my heartbroken face. “I give up,” I thought as I fell to the ground crying harder then I could remember in my life. I couldn’t breathe, but felt like I was suffocating and falling down a bottomless hole. There was no one there, no one to tell me I was okay, no one to care for me. I was alone; I was always alone. My mind was as confused as ever. When did this happen? How did this happen?1
Well I knew how it happened. It was a Friday night, at Sarah Puto’s 15th birthday party. Everyone who was anyone always went to her party. It was close to midnight, when I started feeling a bit tired and exhausted, but I really didn’t want to go home. Everyone around me had alcohol in their hand, except me. I knew my mother would despise of it but this was a life or death matter. I had to stay at that party, and the only way to keep me awake was to mimic everyone around me. I walked over to the table carrying the drinks and started sipping. I kept drinking, one drink after the other, until I was lying in a pile of my own vomit.2
I started feeling dizzy, the world around me was fading away. The people dancing around me became blurred. I heard an unfamiliar voice, whisper distantly in my ear, “You’ll be fine. Just follow me. Its going to be okay.”3
Without knowing who was talking to me, my legs pushed my body off the ground, and reached out to the unknown voice. His warm hands embraced around my body, and slowly guided me upstairs. I heard the door shut behind us, and felt his fingers gently move through my hair. Then I fainted.4
I had no recollection of what happened while I was in that room with the unfamiliar person. But I had a fair idea. I woke up, naked, in the bed. I just lay in the unmade bed in shock and denial that such a thing had happened to me. 5
Remembering the incidents of that dreadful night, sent chills running down my back. My worst fear was shaking in my hand. The only thing that was registering in my mind, was the small cross sign on the pregnancy test. The sign that represented a positive test. I was pregnant at the age of fourteen. 6
Author notes
any suggestions on how to improve this?
feel free to rip it to pieces
This is the start to what i might turn into a novel if i can think of stuff to write about.
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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i already read this, but since you dont answer my messages missy!
i wanted to say...DO THE NEXT CHAPTER WOMAN!
haha -
Nauck's Review
This to me says something about Parties youth drinking an dis-respect to sex, the most wounder-full part of a healthly Man an women's life.
I my self will touch on the dis-respect to Both Men an women in my book. I chose The White Bufflo Cafe Women and the Deer Women to help guied my thoughts about what to write in my Book Elisheva The Stone Way.
I have a good friend Angellove she has a piece that deals with Your subject matter it can be found on Writing.com The Name it is Mystery Women.
As we on writing.com say
Write On.
The Blessings of I am be with you.
Nauck Wind Song
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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i agree with th bottoms lol u need more detail but it would make a great opening for more
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I agree with Wishing Star and Sidewalk, it needs more detail. Actually, it sounds kind of like a prologue or synopsis or sometimes. But, personally, I would definatly read on.
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It's good for the beginning of something larer. But I agree with Sidewalk, you need a bit more detail. I look forward to seeing how this will turn out.
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It's not bad but it's really short. It's kind of overdone too. You should have gone into more detail about the person telling the story so that the reader gets a better idea about the kind of person she is.
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Rape!!! wats a turd!!!
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