Nothing left to give, part 1

You've given your everything so there is nothing left to give.1

You've given your heart, they've broken it.2

You've given your spirit, they've crushed it.3

You've given your mind, they've tortured it.4

You've given your body, they've broken it.5

There is nothing left for you to give anyone who wants anything from you, you have nothing left worth giving, they try to take something that doesn't exist from you now, there is nothing left to crush, there is nothing left to torture, all they can get is your body, it can be hurt, but the rest of you is numb to it.6

What do you do if there is nothing left? How are you to love? To change? To grow?7

Some say you can only be crushed if you let yourself be crushed, you disagree, your mind is a wild beast that gives you the thoughts of death, of love, or pain. It's why people go insane, they snap, they break, and they turn into puddles of hopeless mumbling pieces. What do you do when it doesn't happen to you when you need it to? When you feel like its happening but it just doesn't work? Does it mean your mind is too strong? Does it mean you're afraid of death? Does it mean you're afraid of the unknown?8

When it's hard to breathe when you think? When it's hard to move when you cry? 9

Who can you turn to when you can't honestly connect? When they don't feel like you, like you don't feel anything when they talk to you? Are you heartless? Stone cold like a serial killer? It can't be that because you still cry. You feel nothing when others cry, but the minute you're crushed, you're in pieces, you don't understand. Have you closed up to the world so much because of the... Dramas in your life? Is that why you don't feel?10

Note my ramblings and that is how I feel, the feeling of hopelessness. On with the story...11

-------------------------------------------------------------------12

"What are you doing in there?"My best friend calls from outside my bedroom door.13

"Nothing."I hide my teary voice and he bangs on my door, loud and obnoxious, just like him.14

"Let me in you tosser, you can't leave me out here all day!"He calls and I can't but laugh.15

"Wanna make a bet?"I call back.16

"I've got my bag here; I will get out my bobby pins."He says and I curse him and his thievery.17

"Fine, fine, just don't wreck my door."I huff and open my door, wiping away my tears with the back of my hand.18

"What happened?"He asks, sweeping my hair out of my face with a slender hand, his face suddenly caring instead of cocky.19

"Harley left me."I sob, the only guy who wasn't Harley who could stand to be around me is my best friend, Jules, it's because his dad is gay.20

"Arsehole, what for?"He asks, helping me sit on my bed.21

He wraps his arms around me as I cry into his shoulder, he is just so nice to me, he's as straight as they come but he doesn't care I'm gay.22

"He left me for a woman."I sob and he laughs, making me look at him.23

"You're too much of a man for him."He says and I choke a laugh, snot running from my nose.24

"Come on, let's go clean you up."He mutters and grabs a couple of tissues from my bedside table.25

He wipes my face and I close my eyes, enjoying the contact, I don't really get a lot of physical contact with him but when I do I appreciate it.26

"Want me to stay tonight? I know you aren't use to sleeping alone."He says softly and I nod, please don't let him leave me.27

"Alright, but clothes on."He teases and I can't help but smile at that.28

"Would you like a glass of water?"He asks and I nod, he is being so nice to me, it's weird for me.29

"Too bad, I brought vodka."He grins and pulls out a huge bottle of vodka out of his bag.30

"Just for you I bought the orange juice."He says, knowing I like vodka and orange juice.31

I laugh as he pulls out two cups, his is smaller because he drinks the shit straight, told you he was as straight as they come.32

We drink ourselves stupid....So stupid that when I wake up the next morning I can't remember what happened, turned out he had two bottles of vodka.33

I wake with a bleeding headache and Jules has an arm wrapped carelessly across my waist, he's shirtless, even I have to admit he looks good all sleep tousled.34

"Don't even think about it."He mumbles when I touch his naked torso, his eyes still closed.35

"You look really nice at the moment, sorry."I mumble and he scratches his head.36

"I feel like I've been dropped off a ten foot high building and landed on my head."He mutters and I rest my head on his chest, my protective barrier of a guy, knows I'm an idiot.37

"My fault I suppose."I mutter and he is back off to sleep, snoring my ears off.38

He pulls me against him like a warm cuddly teddy and I can't get away from the snoring god damn it, on top of the burning hangover.39

I grapple my way out of his arms, waking him up and it pisses him right off.40

"I'm trying to sleep here."He says and I slap his arm.41

"Well I can't sleep with that chainsaw going off right near my damn ear."I say and he grins at me.42

"You had no problem with it last night."He teases.43

"I was drunk; nothing short of a sledge hammer would've woke me up."I say and get off the bed; it was nice while it lasted.44

"It's why my last girlfriend left me."He mutters and I ruffle his awesome hair.45

"I won't leave you; you'll always be my best friend."I say and he shakes his head.46

"Nothing ever stays."He says and gets out of bed.47

I push him onto the bed and tell him to go back to sleep, he is always grumpy in the mornings.48

I get dressed and go for a walk with my pet Chihuahua, named Ducky after the awesomeness character from NCIS, personally I wanna get in Gibbs pants, Tony is too much of a player, Gibbs is just handsomely sexy.49

"Cute dog."A man says as I walk pass him and his huge black Labrador.50

I blush and lower my head, I like my dog, and my mum got him for my birthday.51

"Don't be ashamed of him, he's adorable."The man says and stops me in my attempts in walking away.52

"Sorry it's just when a guy with a big dog says that it sounds kinda sarcastic."I say and he holds his hand out to me to shake my hand.53

"This is Hugo. My shiatsu, Dreigo is at home recovering from a neutering."He says, introducing me and Ducky to his big dopey looking lab.54

"This is Ducky, my only pet."I say and the man shakes my hand warmly.55

"I would have more pets but my thirteen cats and two dogs are way too much already."He blushes and I laugh.56

"Animal hoarder much."I tease and he shrugs.57

"They're comforting when I'm alone, know what I mean?"He shrugs and I laugh, yeah I know.58

"I'm Seath and you?"He asks.59

"Chasseur or just Chase."I mutter and he smiles.60

"Hunter, that's kinda disturbing since my name means wolfish."He says and I shrug.61

"I'm too lazy to chase anything."I grin and he ruffles his dogs’ fur.62

"Well, I gotta get this dipshit to the dog wash; anyway, I walk around this park a lot these days, so if I see you again it'll be good."He says and I smile.63

"Okay, nice to meet you."I say and he leaves, his dog following him leadless with its tail wagging, it didn't even sniff Ducky, even if Ducky was all over him.64

"What a weird dog."I mutter to Ducky who looks at me with his strangely huge eyes.65

"Not you."I grin and he yaps, running around and around my legs.66

"Don't prove me wrong dipshit."I laugh, untangling myself from the lead; I end up falling head first into a muscular chest.67

"Sorry."I gasp, standing up straight.68

"It's all good, do you know where Maple Street is?"He asks and I look up at the huge beast of a man, he's handsome with a huge dog by his side, it's big and black.69

"Yeah, it's my street, might as well walk you there."I say and he grins.70

"Thanks, nice dog."He says, this time I know its sarcasm.71

"Leave the ankle biter out of it."I laugh and he shrugs.72

"Sorry, Tiny here would eat that thing for breakfast."He chuckles and I lift Ducky up into my arms, he was trembling because Tiny was leering at him.73

"I'm Chase."I say and the man begins to walk with me.74

"My name is Gunnar Arawn."He says and I chuckle.75

"Pretty tough name."I say and he glances at me as if to say 'and?’76

"Sorry, I'm not really good at conversations."I say and he shrugs.77

"Try getting me to talk about something that doesn't involve weapons or fighting, you won’t have much luck."He says and I laugh.78

"What do you do for a living?"I ask.79

"I'm a body guard."He shrugs.80

"Ah, and whose body are you guarding at work lately?"I ask.81

"Elroy Grosvenor, a lot of fun that bloke."Gunnar scoffs and I am in shock.82

Elroy Grosvenor is like big time boss guy of the club scene in this part of the country, he seems very suave on television, and he's extremely pale, I use to log on to YouTube just to listen to the French man talk, he has a pretty voice.83

"He is like my hero."I grin and the man gives me a disgusted look.84

"He's like the biggest snob face I have ever met."He says and I shrug.85

"I don't know, it's just he seems so sophisticated and stuff, it's really fascinating to watch him talk."I shrug and Gunnar wrinkles up his nose.86

"He's a bastard; all he is to me is a body to guard and a pretty voice."Gunnar says and I smile, laughing.87

Elroy even has his own song recently put out in France, it's dead sexy, so sexy that it got put onto Mtv as the sauciest video of this decade, his voice is drop dead drool worthy beautiful.88

"I would love to meet him one day but his clubs are pretty exclusive."I shrug and he rubs the bridge of his nose.89

"If I give you a pass can you shut up about him?"He asks and I am speechless.90

"Seriously? You'll give me a pass?"I ask.91

"Deadly, but only if you shut up about Mr Grosvenor and talk about something completely different."He says and I clap my hands excitedly.92

"Why are you going to Maple Street?"I ask and he smiles.93

"My brother lives there, he promised to look after Tiny for a while."He says.94

"Wait, wait, hold up...Is your brother Jules?"I ask and he frowns, nodding, Jules is my next door neighbour and best friend.95

"He's at my place, asleep, he and I got a bit smashed last night, want me to go in and ask him to come out?"I ask.96

"If you take Tiny in with you, make him jump on the alcoholic tosser."Gunnar says and I laugh.97

"Nah, come on in."I say and lead him up the driveway.98

I open my front door and Jules is on the couch, watching the television in only a towel as he drinks a coffee.99

"What the hell?"Gunnar laughs and Jules looks at him, both of them have deep brown puppy dog eyes.100

"What? I'm allowed to stay over a mates place."Jules says and puts his coffee down.101

"Come here Tiny, you fat thing."Jules laughs and Tiny pulls out of Gunnars hold and onto Jules lap, licking all over Jules face with a deep bark.102

"Gross Fat Boy, I just had a shower."Jules complains and slaps the huge dogs’ side like petting other blokes back.103

"You know the rules, and don't give him treats this time, he's on a diet."Gunnar warns and Jules laughs.104

"He's a fat thing, what took you so long to put him on a diet?"Jules asks.105

"When I kept waking up with his fat arse on my legs and not being able to feel my feet."Gunnar laughs and pulls a pass out of his pocket.106

"Here, thanks for the way here."Gunnar says and hands me the pass.107

"Thanks so much."I say and he leaves.108

"Aw, don't whine Fat Boy, Daddy will be home later."Jules says in a baby voice to the whining monster of a dog.109

"I never knew you had a brother."I say to Jules.110

"He left home before I met you, my family told me never to mention him because they were ashamed of him."Jules says.111

"Why?"I ask.112

"He quit school and is gay."Jules shrugs and I put Ducky on the floor.113

"You're parents had nothing against me."I frown.114

"You're not their son; you're not their eldest boy."Jules responds and pushes Tiny onto the floor.115

"That shouldn't mean jack, they have you for grandchildren."I say.116

"I'm infertile, due to an illness when I turned sixteen."Jules mutters and I leap into his arms, apologising immediately.117

"It's okay, so meet any one other than my brother on your walk?"He asks.118

"This guy names Seath, very sexy."I say and he makes me rest my head on his chest.119

"Tell me about him."Jules says and I chuckle.120

"He's about you're height, he had these wicked blue eyes, like Elroy, and he was actually nice to Ducky. He has really nice skin, it's like nice mocha style, and he has two dogs and apparently a lot of cats."I say.121

"You're like practically drooling over him on my chest." Jules teases and pinches my arm.’122

“Hey!”I growl, pissed off that he’s teasing me.123

“Chill, you know I’m only teasing because I’m jealous you can find someone and I can’t.”He says and I nuzzle into his chest.124

“I’m sure you’ll find a wonderfully hot deaf woman who will love you.”I say and he laughs.125

“The only woman who would probably not leave me for snoring is a deaf woman.”He says.126

“Wow, I got a pass to go to the Dungeon.”I giggle, for tomorrow night, yay, that is wicked.127

“The gay bar owned by your idol?”Jules asks.128

“Yep, apparently your brother works as his body guard, so he gave me a pass for not talking about Elroy.”I grin.129

“Cool, when’s that?”He yawns.130

“Tomorrow night.”I answer and grab Ducky as Tiny goes to eat him. 131