The Pathway To Neverland

You have these glowing eyes
But you're as cold as ice
Let me take you by the hand
And show you the pathway, to Neverland. 1

Your bright blue eyes
Reflect these wintry skies
You should let me inside you
To melt that frigid ice.2

Your angel eyes
Spell these webs of lies
You draw me in your web
And I'm as good as dead. 3

My bleeding heart
Is filling up with dark
You take my breath away
And let me suffocate.4

But all I want to do
Is to take you
Take you by the hand
And show you the pathway, to Neverland.5

The pathway, to Neverland.6

Show you the pathway,
The pathway, to Neverland.7

You have these angel eyes
But you're as cold as ice
You have this grasp on me
Could be the end of me8

But you won't shut your eyes
Mesmerizing, cold as ice,
Holding me, forcing me, never to look away ...9

So we're locked in uncertain tandem
Our fates, allowed to dangle
And all I want to do
Is show you the pathway
To Neverland.10

The pathway,
To Neverland.

Author notes

It started with the words, 'Pathway to Neverland' and then it flowed from the there. The tune is something like a cross of 'You Found Me' by The Fray and the song 'Inside of You' sung by Russell Brand in the movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall.

Wacked out, I know. Don't be afraid to tell me if it's completely horrible.

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Comments

1 - 7 of 7

  • DoozerDan silver member
    May 27

    Edit | Reply
    Very nice, RJ, I like it. I think I had a pretty cool tune going for it, but no clue if it's anything like what you have in mind. xD I like the opening line, at first I though, uh-oh, cheesy romance, but the 'cold as ice' bit was a nice balance to that. I really enjoyed the phrasing, it flowed well so far as I could tell. I didn't have any issue fitting a melody to it, which is good.

    Mmm, all up, very nice on all counts.


    • RxxSpiritWolfxxJ
      May 27

      Edit | Reply
      Glad you liked it, Dan, and when you say you could fit a tune to it, I feel better, knowing your musical dabblings ....
      My brother wants to record it, but if you have some spare time, could you write down the notes to the melody you think might fit? (I haven't played an instrument in years, and merely hummed this song.)

      Thanks for reading!

      RJ


  • dyslexic writer gold member
    May 25

    Edit | Reply

    Excellent

    This is a wonderful poem. I loved the details painted the scene and the feelings too. Your words were gripping and powerful as well.

    Excellent,

    Lynn

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.


  • Tricia3 gold member
    May 24
    Edit | Reply
    I have a hard time 'hearing' song lyrics just by reading them, but it looks pretty interesting.

    • RxxSpiritWolfxxJ
      May 25
      Edit | Reply
      If I have enough time and inclination, I might team up withmy musician brother and record this. 'Tis so easy nowadays, just need a Mac, a synthesiser and a voice.


  • Valkyrie silver member
    May 23

    Edit | Reply
    Sweet at first, then it turned to Tinkerbell on acid, baby. I like the phrasing you use. Pathway to Neverland sounds so good and happy. I wonder, by the end, if it really was...

    My favorite section was this one here:
    My bleeding heart
    Is filling up with dark
    You take my breath away
    And let me suffocate.

    You really got the action strapped down, in very few syllables.

    This one spot seemed a bit off:
    But all I want to do
    Is to show you
    I want to take you by the hand
    And show you the pathway, to Neverland.

    There in the 2nd line, you have 'show' and then the next two lines kinda pretend you didn't say that, and you start again. I was thinking if you say

    But all I want to do
    Is to take you
    I want to take you by the hand
    And show you the pathway, to Neverland.

    Then it has that repetitive verse thing going on.

    Oh, and what was the other thing...oh, the eyes!
    But you won't open your eyes
    And I won't open mine.

    Maybe it would sound cooler if one of them wouldn't SHUT their eyes. I mean, how do you know she has angel eyes if they're not open? Like, she's trying her best to mesmerize you and destroy you, or something. The fairy girl on acid again?

    Anyway, I don't write any lyrics so don't take me that seriously or anything. I loved the song. It was creepy and awesome and I could hear music out of nowhere when I read these words!



    • RxxSpiritWolfxxJ
      May 23
      Edit | Reply
      Ah, thanks for the great and constructive comment! I've missed that.

      I agree with the changes you have suggested - as a matter of fact, after I'd posted this, I sang it (albeit not very well) to my wife and she said pretty much the same thing about the 'show you' part.
      And, gah, continuity error in the eyes bit, eh? Thanks for pointing that out.

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