9/4/21311
It was such a great plan. It held such promise…provided an answer to so many problems. It had us all fooled. We all believed in the fact that, yes, this would work. We would be heroes.2
We were wrong.3
So, so wrong.4
If I recall correctly, which at this point I don’t know if I’ll ever be in my right mind again, it was the day when it was going to give birth. We would have three of the beloved creatures, the ones that provided so much hope in a world where there was none. 5
We had no warning, no suspicions that anything could ever go wrong. Why would we? Finally, we’d had the power to design something that was an unlimited energy resource. It’s all so foolish now that it’s over. Why had we thought we could manipulate something of which was never meant to be tampered with? Why hadn’t we thought about the repercussions more, the risks?6
When we first saw the beautiful possibilities in harnessing energy and making it into a living being, I realize now that it was a grave miscalculation to give it life. You can’t put something through that kind of process while they can experience pain. Because they're made out of pure energy, whenever we would take a part of it, the creature would convert an object into a type of food that, once eaten, would replete what was lost. The healing process was powered by hyperactive atomic movement and was done extremely quickly. 7
I remember the failure like it was yesterday. We were all there to witness the birth. The beings (called the Infinites) were gathered together, as the male tried to help the female in the birthing process. I don’t know if I can describe the intense beauty that blinded us all. 8
How to describe their appearance? It was as if billions of tiny sparkles had been set aflame and were held together by a faintly glowing, soft purple glue. We all had to wear industrial sunglasses so that our retinas could withstand their intense brightness. With the glasses you could see their forms, although they didn't have a distinct one. It was constantly shifting, as if they were clouds of sparkling brilliance. The female giving birth was almost like watching two cells separating.9
And then...disaster.10
Giving birth to the baby had killed the mother, sending the male into a rage. The scientists had flung into a panic as if their reasoning had abandoned them. I was alone when I'd burst into the Infinite's room, reaching into my pocket for the syringe, which contained something designed specifically for this situation. It would sedate but not harm the creature.11
Something went wrong. After struggling to get close enough to him, I jabbed the needle into his form, but the sedative didn’t have the desired effect. The normal, overwhelming glow of the creature diminished, just like the female. He died. Because of me. 12
The baby disappeared. Without a mother to give it a vital energy nothing else could provide, it simply…faded away until it was no more. 13
If anyone finds this…I’m sorry. Our last hope has been ruined, because of me. We've used up every single resource on this planet, causing our once beautiful home to dry up into a deadly wasteland that will kill us all. My mistake could very well end everything that we know.
Author notes
This was written spontaneously, within a very short period, so it might not make sense but I like the idea and I'll return to this to clean it up and extend it some. For the time being, please bear with me. 
A contest entry
- Okay, Go. by Noisome..
450 points, ended July 15, 7 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - I want the most entries EVER by Everpurple.
400 points, ended October 30, 221 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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Oh my... I do so hope that you will continue with such a plot as this. It's unique and amazingly well written and intensely descriptive. My eyes were glued to the page wondering of the possibilities this could have, wanting to know more.
I easily empathized with the narrator and thought that there was pure emotion through the words. It was very wonderful, indeed... and I crave more!!
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, characters: 5.
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Interesting!
I liked the plot, the way the narrator explains the situation and what happened, you do it in a very unique way.
I liked the emotions in it, the way the narrator's thoughts and emotions come to surface.
Somehow it was confusing, it makes me have a lot of questions but maybe that is what the story is about.
Good job!
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This was very original and unique. The portrayal of the narrator's ambition, sorrow and guilt was very effective, it draws the reader in. I felt strong empathy for the narrator. This story has a strong message and warning also about the problems of using up all the planet's resources which will, inevitably, happen. I also liked the description of the Infinites, it gave really vivid imagery. Good story, well done!
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Hey Neo,
Great short story here! I agree with the Geri that this has potential for a novel. Very good writing.
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This was a terrific write! I loved how you were able to give us little background, yet make the whole short story work with all the descriptions and word choice. Geri is right, this has great potential and could be a wonderful novel. But great write, hope to read more like this!
Lex
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Hello Pierre, you are a talent young writer
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That was one terrific, scary, and emotional read
. Talk about a final dilemma to put your World into. The development of energy beings and the destruction of said beings.
I’m afraid that you haven’t scratched the surface of the great potential this plot has. You could develop a novel out this idea. But that’s your choice.
I enjoyed the read, admired the way you presented your characters and activity, and could empathize with the main character.
There was not the slightest difficulty following along and understanding what was taking place.
Geri
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This was so creative. o.o
I would have liked a little more background to go with the vivid descriptions, and I can tell you really did work on this spontaneously, which is good. =] It's so inventive and very imaginative as well. Intriguing and it has potential to have more background as well as more to it. I would have liked if a tiny bit more revising could have been done, a few of your lines were very awkward, but all for spontaneity. Thanks for entering!
-Sarah.
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Thanks for your honesty!
Would you mind pointing out some of the more awkward sentences that really stood out to you? It would be very helpful!
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For sure!
I'll reread it when I'm through with other entries, just pop me a message and I'll do it. =]
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Because they're made out of pure energy, whenever we would take a part of it, the lost energy would instantly regenerate. -Consider revising that line...it doesn't make much sence.
Other then that it was very well written, though maybe work out the ending a little more. It keeps me reading through the whole thing and I really did enjoy this. Good luck with your future works, I look forwards to reading them.
Karissa
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Thank you very much for the suggestion and the honesty! It's much appreciated.
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Dun worry, I want the same things from my chapters so I love to give it out to others, helps them grow as a writer.. Good luck
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Wow
Your writting is very intence and pure that it amazes me! I love this story it leaves you to think of what sort of problem the babies had why the mothers died during birth. I loved it though i cant seem to get my head around the whole think. Well done it drwaed me in the moment i read it. You are going straight to my finalist list!
Well done and goodluck in my contest!!!
Hsmlover1 -
This was actually quite good considering the prompt you were given. You have a very creative imagination and you also write well.
I must say, you get props for such a unique and original idea. The plot was great and there were no spelling errors or grammar mistakes that I saw. I also enjoyed the first person pov. Not a lot of people can effectively pull it off, but you did just that. Great job.
Too bad for the world though. It looks like we all died...oh well, back to the drawing board.
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Thank you for reading and commenting!
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This was so nifty. I love the whole concept of the story and you write so well that it takes my very breath away. I'm jealous right now because your stories are always better than mine. The last paragraph was amazing and it's very metaphorical in my opinion. Metaphors are wonderful. Wonderful, wonderful job and I bet you're gonna win the contest, dear.
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THANKSSS.
<33
I hope I win too!
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Darn you and your Spanish!
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You're in a lab alone, and you reach into your coat pocket.
Okay, go.
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