Denial Waits. Chapter Fifteen.

Chapter Fifteen: A time to Repent. 1

Lying there while her body burned and itched where she couldn’t reach her mind blank and empty, devoid of anything that could trigger her off, Iskra stared at the well lit ceiling above her. The fluorescent lights buzzed constantly, giving the room its only sound apart from her light, uneven breathing. Twitching every now and then, she struggled not to let her eyes stray, there were too many things in this small room, big enough to hold her bed and one small gap beside it, to send her mind into relapse. She couldn’t tell if it had been three days or three weeks she had been lying there, strapped down, naked to the thin bed. 2

This was isolation.3

The walls were plastered with naked women and men, mid pose in sexual orientations, the pleasure inscribed clearly on the close up of their faces. They were all Iskra had been looking at when she woke up, the only things her eyes had been drawn to as the arousal woke inside her time and time again, but she couldn’t do anything at all to suffice the need. Her fingers itched to slip between her thighs, find her special place and release her needs, but her hands were strapped on each side of her face, kept away from her body. 4

After two days she had come to realize; Isolation was your own private Hell. 5

Lying there, Iskra didn’t think the posters could be much worse then what her mind could conduct in the empty space between sleep and being awake. She even wanted to avoid sleep, in fear of dreaming she was being taken, and waking to the emptiness of reality, and not really having someone, anyone between her thighs. Especially not Orihime. 6

Shaking her head, she stared down at her small breasts. How could someone not want her, she was everything a man or woman could desire and yet here she was, neglected in the bottom of a basement strapped to a thin bed. How miserable could she get, but then Orihime must have felt something for her, or else she wouldn’t have been in that room first, willing to enter her own hellish cell. Depression was sinking in deep, the pounding between her thighs, being taken from behind and taught a lesson was being replaced with the need to scream, cry for help and attack her self, she closed her eyes.7


Opening her eyes she looked around, confused. She didn’t know where she was, but she could feel the warmth of clothes on her body, the freedom to move her leaden legs, but her wrists still felt bound, though it was below her head, more beside her waist where she couldn’t lift them now. Her head was thick and aching, her mouth dry like cotton candy. Blinking her eyes a few times, she cleared the sleep from them and looked around. She saw curtains and an orange glow from the corner and soft voices. 8

‘H-Hello?’ Iskra creaked, her throat was dry and coarse like she had been screaming and crying for a lifetime. The curtain opened and the nurse smiled at her softly. ‘What’s going on? What happened?’ 9

‘Don’t you remember?’ The nurse asked quietly, she came Iskra’s bedside and touched cold fingers to her neck, looking down at her watch while she whispered the beats. She wondered why she used her neck and not her wrists, isn’t a pulse easier to find in the wrist? Shaking her head she waited for the nurse to answer her.10

‘You tried to kill your self Iskra.’ The nurse smiled through the words and wrote something down on a clipboard the end of her bed; things were starting to become clearer now, like the beat of a heart monitor and the light chatter of others in the infirmary. 11

‘How?’12

‘You slit your wrists. Dr Grisk is still looking into how you came into possession of the knife you used, and is at this very moment questioning one of the patients who was there when it happened.’ Iskra didn’t get how the nurse was still smiling; acting like it was every day acts like this that made her day. 13

‘Who?’ 14

‘Orihime Ronin.’ 15

Two words. One world. Crashing down. 16

Down will come baby, cradle and all. Iskra lay there, breathing deeply.17

Conclusion, suicide and Orihime Ronin in one sentence. Iskra took a deep breath; she closed her eyes and wished she could remember. Wracking her brain she tried to think back to what happened. 18

All that came to mind was coming in here after Isolation. A memory she knew she wasn’t going to get into, her mind had a way of breaking those things away and hiding them. The next closest thing she could tap into was walking in here, being directed to a bed and falling into it, sleeping in a moment…19

***20

… ‘Lay her down here.’ Susan pulled the covers back, the brute looking orderly helped Iskra into the bed, she didn’t register even when the blankets settled on her body, she felt the weight, heard the noises and knew where she was, but nothing else mattered. After a moment her eyes fluttered closed. When she opened them again, she could smell something enticing, a drip was hooked to her arm and she felt more rejuvenated. 21

Sitting up she pulled the plate of food over, she wondered who had brought it for her. Opening the lid on the dish she breathed in deeply, sitting on the plate was a large serving of Spaghetti. Grabbing the fork she forced it down, when she was done she looked around sheepishly. She hoped the food was hers, she was starving. When it hit her stomach though, she regretted it. She went back to being and feeling miserable, she threw it all back up within the hour. 22

Slumping back on the pillows, miserable, she realised just how uncool she must be here. Nobody was coming to see her. There was all chance that the nurse Susan had left the food there, not somebody who had taken the time to care about her. Gloomily she rolled over, struggling to control her state of mind. Depression was slowly sinking in and she didn’t want that, wanted to avoid the way it made her feel, what it made her do. 23

‘Is Iskra awake?’ Dane walked into the infirmary. Looking around he spotted Iskra who didn’t feel like company and turned her body away from him. Had he been the one to leave her some food? If so she wanted to yell at him for leaving it, eating so much after not eating for week’s was enough to make any person sick. ‘Hey, you been asleep for a long time, three days I think.’ Dane pulled a chair over and sat down, he looked timid and nervous as he sat there with his hands in his lap. 24

‘I never should have woken up in the first place.’ Iskra muttered into the pillow, she unwillingly rolled over to face him properly. On closer inspection of his small face, she noticed the fading black eye and the cut healing just above his lip. She wondered how he had got it, but couldn’t gather the energy to speak; her heart just wasn’t in the curiosity. 25

‘Don’t say that. It is good you woke up, I was getting worried.’ Dane mumbled, Iskra smiled a little. ‘Even if you did do something everyone says is bad, you just took out a demon is all. Someone bad who didn’t deserve to be alive if he could have sex with a minor.’ Iskra realised he thought what she did was right, is that why he was there?26

‘Dane sorry but I am going to have to ask you to leave. We have to get Iskra ready to leave now.’ Susan walked over with a tray and a little container of pills. Iskra didn’t want to leave or go back out with everyone else; she didn’t have the mental strength to face them all when she felt like this. Seclusion and loneliness is usually how she dealt on days like today. With weeks like the one to come. Not with people who made it worse with their words and condescending stares. 27

‘Okay. Guess I will see you outside then, in the rec room. Everyone is on free time before group. See ya there.’ He stood up and gave Iskra a small wave she couldn’t return. Instead she sat up and held her arm out for the drip to be removed. 28

Not even noticing as the needle left her arm, Iskra did everything on robotic. Taking the pills she didn’t even question what they were. ‘Now we are changing your medication, using a measured dose of sedatives and hormones to control you.’ Iskra nodded and swallowed the three pills inside the little cap and downed the water. It caught in her throat but she took no notice at all. ‘Are you okay Iskra? You seem a little out of it, now she also added a dose of Lithium into that, so expect a mix around of your weight and maybe some runs.’ She nodded in reply. 29

‘How are we doing today Iskra? Repented our sins now?’ Dr Grisk walked into the infirmary and stood straight backed in front of Iskra who didn’t even raise her head to look at her, only nodded her head. ‘That is good to hear. Now I hope you can be on your best behaviour. I hope you will add some input in today’s gathering also.’ Grisk nodded at Susan and walked away.