I look at you now and I feel gray
Betraying the color of my heart
Which once was red
The color of love1
Our colors united and made anew
Together we created the color of life
And it was pink
And she was beautiful2
We began to paint a rainbow
We created once more
This time it was blue
And he looked just like you3
Our pallet was complete
Or so I thought
The years took their toll
My color started to fade4
Further and further apart
Opposite ends of the spectrum
We were losing our colors
Watching as they faded away5
I look at you now and I feel gray
Betraying the color of my heart
Which once was red
The color of love6
A contest entry
- Colour My World by Violette.
150 points, ended May 23, 7 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
What do you think?
Comments
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Great imagery used in this piece, although there are only a limited few who actually entered my contest, you are still going into the finalists. Thankyou for entering.
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I liked the depiction of growing emotional distance through the metaphor of color change. Though overall I found the poem too overt as it left little to the readers interpretation, which I consider an integral element of successful poetry unless of course you replace it with astounding evocation of beauty/feeling which I did not get from this.
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I understand what you are saying about interpretation and I'll give it some thought. This came from a very gray part of my heart. I selfishly wrote it for me and wasn't looking for someone else's interpretation. Thank you for reading and giving a constructive comment.
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