The Painting of Red

I didn't know why I was here. I knew that if I had come here, I was going to die. And yet, the aroma of blood attracted me here. The deep grey clouds fluttered right above the ground like ghosts. They swirled in circles, letting there be a hole were I was standing. There was a sight thought in my head that I was in Hell, and I had already died. Then I decided that I was still alive, but soon to be dead. 1

I began to walk to a red painting. Just reds, no other colors. That might be how I will die. Maybe, just maybe that is what will kill me. I was alone, nothing was close. Just the painting and the dusty cloud of grayness. I walked closer to the painting until I was just an inch away. I put my finger on the artwork, and I traced the figure.2

There was something that addicted me to the painting, like it was my own drug. I couldn't stop tracing the blood red lines of wind marks. The grey hole was still swirling around me, the smokey smell of it filling up my nose mixed with the smell of blood that had lured me here. 3

The painting now smelt of blood, like someone had painted it with blood. The reds were the colors of blood. I smiled as I leaned forward and took in the smell of bitter salty blood. I put my hands on the wall and pushed back. The blood was good smelling. Almost like flowers. 4

And again I leaned forward and took in the powerful aroma that was taking over my body. It was going to possess me. I pushed back, trying to fight the power it held against me. It was attacking my soul, replacing it with a demon. Maybe this was going to kill me. 5

I was tugged forward by an invisible rope and took in one last breath of the bloody smell. I took it in like none of the other smells. It was lovely. Much more then the flowery smell I had smelt before. It was like pure sugar, floating in a lake of angles. 6

I searched the painting for any signs of help, but it had already taken over me. I was now a prisoner of the painting. I would never leave, unless I were to die soon. I had never been here before, so I wasn't sure how quickly this aroma would kill me. Then, the instant I thought I were to break free, I was completely possessed, taken over by the force of blood. I was now a voodoo doll for the blood, letting me now take care of the souls that dare to enter the building. 7

Author notes

I entered this in a contest that didn't allow names to be said, so there is no name for the character. I hope you liked it!
Short story for His.Golden.eyes..

A contest entry

Was it descriptive?

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 19 of 19

  • keroppi33
    August 11

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    Not really something I'd normally read. . . .although the story is unique. You the word 'blood' quite a few times, so maybe you can change that. I didn't really understand the concept of the story though. Where was she/he? Why was there a bloody painting? Why was she/he attracted to the smell? Well, anyways good job, and keep writing!


    • Dual.Of.Fireflies
      August 11
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      Lol...

      This is supposed to be a confusing piece. It is supposed to say "blood" a lot. I really don't understand it myself, even! I just think it was a story I wrote when I was bord, you know?
      ~Duality.


  • Solei
    August 11

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    This beautiful. Strange and surreal, but definately beaiutiful. Your description is amazing, and although the story is not very clear at all times, I loved it.

    • Dual.Of.Fireflies
      August 11
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      Thank you!

      This is the nicest comment I have ever gotten on this story. it seems no one likes it because it makes them think...

      ~Duality.

  • Marta gold member
    August 10

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    This is weird and original. Surreal yet grounded, strange and yet familiar. You get the idea. I didn't quite understand where you were going with this but, hey! Sometimes, not understanding a story can be fun also. Good luck in the contest.

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.


  • Painter Meli
    August 10

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    Oooo... the first paragraph is eye-grabbing.

    The concept is confusing, though. The blood made this person just get sucked into the painting of blood red... It's interesting, I tell you. I think it's because I'm stuck in the world of the word, "Why?" But it was a good one-shot, anyway.

    Or is this a different way of seeing death? *is still confuzzled *

    So yeah... Still good, anyhow. xD

    ~Mel

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 3, ending: 5.


  • MusicOfTheNight9
    August 9
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    interesting... hmm definitely made me think... very descriptive! Thanks for entering and good luck!

    Kudos,
    CreaterSk8er


  • Lady Eventide Greeters member
    July 13

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    Interesting. I've been lured to smells before, but never the smell of blood. I guess we all have our favorite aromas.

    This was a rather dark tale. It is usually not the genre that I write, but you did it rather well. The concept of a bloody painting was very unique, so I must commend you on that.

    Thanks for entering.

    I would suggest a little bit of editing though, like running it through spellcheck. I would also work on wordiness.


  • CallMeWhenUrRich
    July 8
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    Descriptive? Hell yeah! It was amazing! I loved the way you described blood! Wondeful! Great job!


  • ForThePlague
    June 20
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    Hm...I don't see what this has to do with music...and I was confused on why she was there, why the smell of blood was so tantilizing to her (hehehehe I like that word. . .tantilizing...reminds me of something that I can't remember...) Anyway...I forgot what I was going to say. Thanks for entering


  • tonialoise
    May 28

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    This was very interesting, you have some really good ideas here and great descriptions.

    p1 "There was a sight thought" did you mean sight or slight?

    A bit more background information on your character (why are they there? why does the blood attract them so. that sort of thing) would be a bit more helpful.

    While I didn't really want smells of blood for my contest your use of it was quite unique and not gory at all, so I think you did quite well.


  • Marisalyn13
    May 22

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    Good job

    You said 'blood' a lot in the fourth paragraph, other than that, good job. ... if it wasn't the fourth I suck at counrting paragraphs.


  • Yumiko Kizaka
    May 22
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    it was good, overall the detail was great.

1 - 19 of 19