There was a light tap on Andy Stephensons's Oklahoma door. Wrapping himself in the 271st chapter of Geri Fitzsimmons' and his Radio Mystery manuscript he barely made it past his life-size big bad wolf poster.1
"Who's there?" Stephenson asked.2
"It's me, Jodie...and spell my name right! There's an "e" on the end Jodie...see?"3
"Jodie?" Stephenson queried again.4
"Tallblondie," the voice on the other side of the door sighed.5
Stephenson flung open the door. Blondie ducked her head.6
"Aren't you going to ask me in," she said. It wasn't a question as the 6 foot 4 inch blonde stepped into Stephenson's Okie digs.7
"Aren't you a little far from home," he asked, leaving the door slightly ajar in his surprise?8
"You could put it that way," said Blondie. "But," she added, "I'm not the kind of person who quits on a quest...or chucks a challenge. And certainly not because of any paltry Perth distance difficulty." She opened the leather crafted and cleverly tooled handbag she hefted.9
Reaching inside she withdrew a small automatic and leveled it at the ashen Stephenson.10
"This is no Radio Mystery caper," she said, as she glanced past Stephenson.11
"Trophy thief!"12
"Trophy whore"13
"Aussie!"14
"Okie!"15
"Just what is it you want with me," said the sometimes Greeter.16
"I came here to check out those trophies of yours...and those 500 plus clappies on that number one story you've got hogging first place on the all time most popular list."17
"I don't think so," smirked Stephenson. "You see, the trophies are in a safe place, and my number one story is as immutable and firmly entrenched as a piece of fiction can be around here. And the clappies can be documented. If I were you, Blondie," said Stephenson, looking Blondie's impressive figure over with a lusty eye, "I'd look over your shoulder at the likes of Tiger-Lily, Doozer Dan and GA if you're concerned with immortality on the 'Alltime Popular' list. Alexander's got about 15 stories in the top 100...I haven't even begun to count Tiger-Lily and Dan...but they're closing in...on you"18
Blondie put the automatic away. "Hah! Dan is slowing down in his youth! He went from dozing with headphones on to fishing! And he's still obsessed with why he doesn't write romance! He'll be pondering THAT one forever!" The Melbourne Ms. took a breath. "Tell you what," she said. "Why don't you and I pool our talents and the two of us can enter one mutually written piece as a single author in these silly contests. No one will ever be the wiser...nor will they ever win anything again!" The Canberra cutie let out a mad gufaw and flashed her 'Sorry, I didn't realize you were an idiot' button! "Cheers!. And see if you can get straight where I'm from downunder!" She flashed her 'Idiot' button again.19
"Geri and I have already pooled our talents. There's no end in sight to the thing."20
"Yes, said Blondie, "but you and Geri have identified yourselves. You and I don't have to do that. No one will know who we really are...and NO ONE WILL STAND A CHANCE!" She smiled.21
"And don't forget Doozer's one Blue Trophy. Who knows what THAT's worth!"22
"Don't worry about Blue Trophies," said Blondie. "I can control those, for a while."23
"Don't think for a moment Elisabeth will countenance any funny business," said Stephenson as he drew his wrap a bit tighter about his chunky frame.24
There was a noise at the door. Both Blondie and Stephenson turned as it creaked open.25
Standing in the doorway was Geri Fitz.26
"Aren't you a little far from home, Jodie," she said? (Geri knew how to spell Jodie!)27
"How'd you find me," the lovely Blondie asked, somewhat taken by surprise.28
"It wasn't difficult," said Fitz. "You forget who's written several hundred pages of detective stuff on this site!"29
"Come on," Jodie chortled. "The only thing you've managed to find on SW is Andy Stephenson...you haven't even amassed a dozen trophies."30
"Yeah? I'll show you what I've amassed, "said GeriFitz as she took out a hefty tome of more than two thousand substantive comments and more than 145 stories!31
"Oh," said Blondie.32
"Hah!" said Stephenson.33
Just then another figure shrouded in shadow stood at the door.34
"Mind if I... come in?" smiled Gary Alexander. He put his three dots aside.35
"What the hell are you doing here?" asked Andy.36
"I thought I'd stop in to... settle this."37
"And just how do you propose to do that?" smiled Blondie in her Aussie twang.38
"Dunno," said Alexander. "Just thought I'd give it a go here at two thirty in the morning. I mean, you can't fault a guy for trying. I know I'm not in the same league as you, Jodi," (Alexander had trouble spelling Jodie correctly) "or you Andy as far as these trophies go...nor you Geri as far as your verbose output...or your thousands of pretty nifty comments...but I've got three books out there...as far as Afghanistan...and what do you have? Ten thousand pages of Radio Mysteries...and some fancy profile pages! I thought I'd write this little caper...you know, you can't make this stuff up! And here it is! One trophy here, in this little contest...is worth ten thousand words. Especially at 2:45 in the morning...and especially as the first in this series. We'll just have to leave it to Effigy to decide."39
"Crap," said Blondie. "It's a damn long trip back from this berg here in Oklahoma. Besides, I've got work in the morning."40
"Me, too," said GeriFitz. Only I've got hungry kids to take care of. And they don't eat trophies!"41
Stephenson put on his cowpoke hat and dropped his manuscript wrap. "I don't know about you people," he said, "but I'm going out to rustle up some grub. Screw these clappies and trophies!"42
"Heh," said Alexander. "Heh, heh!"43
GA
A contest entry
- Storywrite's Most Wanted by WritersEffigy.
350 points, ended June 18, 4 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 36 of 36
-
this is funny! I have never read something in which the characters were users on the site! quite an interesting take. I like how thw whole point of the characters meeting is about populairty of stories! great!
-
wow ! how i missed this story before..very creative and quaint story
....sorry but right now i am laughing and not sure how to praise this story...so i'll simply say...well done Gary...done a hillarious job..
-
Man
Blondie is in soooo many stories. I have to say though the fighting over the all-time list definitely does happen. Along with fighting over the shameless story list... riiiiight? Anyway given that you are popular you definitely do have rivals that want to take you down to china town. Myself included, so you better watch out!
-
Hilarious!
To funny.
I'm in the group SAR with Andy, Dan, Tall Blondie and Geri.. You have their characters pegged.. This was a wonderful and delightful tale.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
-
Priceless satire
Oy, mate! Don't knock Perth! Just because it is the city furthest from everywhere else in the world doesn't mean you can misspell the sheilah's name all the time. Too right. Drongo. -
Oh god, I miss your stories. I've been away for so long, haven't written a word since months.
Thanks for a laugh man, seriously, genuinely funny stuff!!
-
Very good
It is fun to read pieces about other authors, this is funny and interesting. -
Funny, snappy!
Lines 35 and 36 have the question mark off the mark.
Don't you want to tuck those ? inside the quotations (where they belong) and put one . at the end of each sentence?
Perhaps this was not done in error and indicates the malady of someone mentioned within your story (perhaps you). I've considered the possibility, so of course, disregard if that is the case. Otherwise,
take one trio of ..., correct both lines, and you'll have . to spare!
-
read for content: Funny.Good form.
beginning: 5, language: 3, plot: 3, ending: 5, dialog: 4, characters: 3.
-
The title caught my eye right away and it really suits the story! Very funny and yet, charming. You never cease to amaze me in the variety of your works.
-
I like this.
This is funny
=]]beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
-
Lol. Very funny and a great twist to the prompt! Lol. I liked how you put in all the Trophy Owners (Well the HUGE ones) Into the story, even though...yeahh...it was a requirement. Ah, well! Great job! It kept me hooked, mostly because it had to do with people I know.
loney-angel.
-
Funny to the very end.
I know I haven't been on for quite a long time: dang school! But now I'm hoping to be back on a more regular basis from now on as summer approaches. But! The focus of this comment should be on your story. This is a great story, plain and simple. I don't think there's really much hidden meaning in this story, it's just made and crafted to entertain. Let me tell you. It entertained.
Glad to be back finally!
Cubby
-
Great story Gary. I've still got the chuckles. Some of my favorite writers are mentioned in this and it was nice to finally get a 'look' at them. I'm on chapter 270 and looking forward to the next. Here's some more clapies.
-
I have to admit that a lot of this went over my head and I had to get the dictionary out more than once, but I do love that in a reading learning new things so thanks to the character Stephenson I know the word *entrenched* now. I also had a little trouble with some of the lingo I have a feeling its a cultural thing, once I got passed that the story was very humorous. Nice write and good luck in the contest.
-
Magnificent Gary!
I think Val's sense of William Shatner's voice is apt, but when I read it, I had Humphrey Bogart - Gary, you will understand why. It had a noire feel about it, a 40s movie (notwithstanding the modern day language usage and SW jargon).
Well done and... I have to admit, while tempted to throw in something way left field, I am also in awe of bettering your piece.
cheers
Gez
-
I have to admit
I don't see how anyone is going to beat this one, but with trophies at stake, many will try. Remember, you all have time on your side. I've only been here since January, so I'm not doing too shabibly. I'll never even try to catch up.
Good luck in winning another trophy.
Trish
-
HAHAHAHAHAHA! This was just what I needed to cheer me up! Are you lampooning yourself to have Kirk Syndrome, Gary? I swear, I heard William Shatner reading your lines...
Great story. I enjoyed reading about fellow SWians.
Here's more clappies. You'll need more to start owning that top ten.
-
I pity Effigy if you guys ever make him judge. . This was awesome! I bet Blondie loved it.
*goes to warn Dan about potentially murderous SW Elites*
♥ HT
-
Gary, I haven't read anything of your is a while and I don't understand why...this was really good. I laughed so hard, my husband had to pop his head in to see what was wrong
Thanks for the laugh.
Brooke
-
Thanks for the Laughs!
I particularly enjoyed the alliteration in this paragraph:
You could put it that way," said Blondie. "But," she added, "I'm not the kind of person who Quits on a Quest...or Chucks a Challenge. And certainly not because of any Paltry Perth Distance Difficulty." She opened the LEATHER craftED and CLEVERly tooled Handbag she Hefted.9
More clappies to you!
-
This is an interesting tale,
but if Jodie made the trip from Australia here and had an automatic with her, she'd probably shoot to kill and there would have just been bodies on the floor.
As to me writing, reading, and contest entering, I usually spend most of my time at the computer. I tend to live, breathe, eat, and sometimes fall asleep at the computer. I think Jodie and maybe Tiger-Lily are the only ones who want trophies more than me. As to clappies, they're nice, but I'm not actively seeking them.
Published? Hmm. I've got two CD's and a cassette that I've self-published. I like them. I've also appeared in four periodicals, but I haven't made much. I've invested far more money so far than I've made. However, writing is an addiction I can't break.
I plan to do some serious marketing of my body of works beginning in June with major focus on 'The Devil Came East' that Geri and I have almost completed.
Thanks for including me in your tale. I'm surprised no one killed me off.
Andy
-
-
Why are Blondie and I suddenly trophy hoarders? We can't help it if we like shiny things and happen to be talented at getting them by hook or by crook. 
-
-
Hi HT!
For a while you had the edge on Jodie, but if you're not careful, she's gonna leave you eating her dust
. You need to come up with more fresh stories. So do I. I've got a comfortable lead presently, but Jodie has an insatiable appetite
.
Andy
-
-
I'm already at least 15 medals ahead of HT...
-
-
Yep.
That's true. Tiger-Lily has some catching up to do with you, now.
You may or may not be happy to know that I intend to focus more time on marketing, which will mean less time writing, likely. That should help make it easier for you to catch me.
Andy
-
-
-
-
-
Good One
Creating a group meeting of the writers at SW was totally entertaining.
Describing how everyone might interact had me laughing.
Mentioning chapter 271 was priceless. LOL
-
*unfolds arms and takes a seat* Now... much better. And leave the thing in there about Andy screwing his trophies - knowing the man, I'm sure he'd be up for it. However, watch him with the clappies - there has to be some underhanded and nefarious reason why they have multiplied so much on that story at the top of the list.
Right. Here's some nice, innocent clappies. Just don't feed them after midnight...
-
-
Hi there Jodie!
You've been outed in this contest. I usually keep your secret and call you Blondie. Oh well.
I'd screw a lot of things, but they'd need to be pretty, human, female, and eighteen or above. Unfortunately, for a long time now, that's only been in fantasies and dreams.
My story that tops the list, which I consider quite and honor, is there because I was leading in clappies with stories, I believe, at Allpoetry when my stories were transplanted to Storywrite. I had a headstart. Allpoetry allowed stories, but there were not really many story writers as active as I was.
The way Gary goes after clappies, he might eventually catch up with it, but it should take him a long while. It's not Storywrite's best story, but it's been at Storywrite since the beginning. The Storywrite Oscars(I don't know if we'll have them again) have been a better indicator of what's best written.
Actually, clappies aren't increasing on my story at a fast rate, but I do usually get a few each week. I enter it in contests, but other than that, I don't promote it. Since it's at the top of the popular list, it does get read at least a couple of times a week, as a rule.
Andy
-
-
*crosses her arms and taps her foot* the very least you could do was get my name right. An 'e' on the end, please---> 'Jodie' see - so much more dignified than 'Jodi'. And where, exactly, do I live? You seem to have me merrily traipsing around Downunder - first Perth, then Melbourne and now Canberra?
For this, I shall have to kill you in my entry in some undignified way... like tied down and beaten to death with one of your books. -
Hahahaha. You added me, I'm flattered... I think.
Well, I might be obsessed about why I don't writing romance, but hey, I'm not still stuck on a girl named Harriet I knew decades ago.
Thanks for the laugh Gary, I enjoyed this. I do love reading about myself.
-
Absolutely! Absolutely!
One minor correction, Andy would NEVER screw the trophies!
A couple of these little cutey-pies is missing " please pop them in before the contest gets judged - you may miss out on a vital
Lis.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
-
271st chapter
What a way to start my day—I should turn around and go back to bed. Woe is me, I can’t even buy the gold trophies
so how did I get implicated? I’m not even on the ‘Bloody List’ of ‘S W Heroes’. Oh, right, Gary is my friend.
I have considered stealing a few of Andy’s ‘golds’ but he watches me too closely. Every time we meet 'mind to mind' in our Virtual Office, he throws up the ‘Parental Controls’ around his precious trophies.
Seems he’s constantly on the alert for them damn floating punctuation marks, dropped letters and misused words, I’m famous infamous? notorious for—no wait a minute that’s Greg alias Abstract.
Jodie’s on the list—humm she’s a blonde, a tall one, Oh Andy we need chapter 272 and it’s about time the killer changed his M O again.
By the way, Gary thanks for the fun read. 
I stayed under a 1000 words.
Best of Luck in the contest, Geri
-
-
Hi Geri!
Actually, 'The Devil Came East' has picked up a gold or two. I believe I sent you the points. So, you've got that trophy(s) in spirit, at least.
I can't afford to part with my trophies. Jodie's out to get me and I'm trying to make it take as long as possible
. Besides, Storywrite doesn't allow trophy transfers.
I do think our killer should probably make a quick trip to the land down under and knock off a tall blonde. It wouldn't fit his M. O., but it might protect my trophy lead for a while
.
Andy
-
-
"I do think our killer should probably make a quick trip to the land down under and knock off a tall blonde. It wouldn't fit his M. O., but it might protect my trophy lead for a while."
Anything for a friend, I'll pack for him.
-
-
tsk tsk...
Since I've been known to eat hitmen for breakfast (they are rather tasty), all I need to do now is decide whether or not BBQ sauce or tomato sauce might be the best condiment for me to enjoy your killer.
Be so kind as to tell him to pack toothpicks - I hate it when they are a bit stringy...
-
-
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 36 of 36
