Chapter 18

Chapter 181

Dear Anika Raine Osborne,
I’m sorry but I’m not. I couldn’t handle it anymore. You’re my best friend, my sister and I know you understand. I know you know. I could see it in your face.
I’m sorry because I never told you. I tried to keep it a secret. A secret that ate at me everyday…... I couldn’t handle it and I have to thank you for saving me that day... although I was a bit pissed at first... I wanted to go.
I’m not sorry though, about this. I’m happy to be gone and away from the hectic road we walk called life. It’s a game and I was losing.. terribly. So I quit while I was ahead I guess. Or not so ahead. It doesn’t matter anymore.
I’ll miss you and Mom and Dad and even Donnie. He hurt me but I loved him with all my heart.
I love you, Anika. Keep being the amazing person you are.
Love,
Arianna Kay Costa2

I read the letter for what seemed to be the hundredth time. She told me she’d come late into school on her own. And I just left. I left her all alone. Alone in the house. And now here I am with this letter in my hands and no Arianna. And I don’t just mean she’s dead. I mean she isn’t here.
Maybe she isn’t dead. Maybe she decided against it and went for a drive. Or a walk. Or a run.
The phone rang and I couldn’t move for a few seconds but then all of a sudden found myself saying, “Hello?” with the receiver in my hand.
I didn’t remember getting up.
“Hey Anika? It’s Mom. I’m going to the grocery store before I come home from work. Okay? Tell Arianna I’ll be there in a minute.”
I swallowed hard, “Yeah, I’ll tell her…” I said quickly.
After hanging up the phone I decided on doing some other things to keep my mind off the situation. She was alive. She had to be.
As I walked back around the house I called Arianna’s name. When I passed through the kitchen I noticed that the lock on the door into the garage was unlocked. I thought it was odd because no one ever uses that door… its always locked.
I turned the knob of the door slowly after grabbing an umbrella, just in case some creepy guy had snuck into the house. But a creepy guy hadn’t snuck into our house. I opened the door to find my sister napping in her car. She wasn’t dead! Just like I said. She was napping. In her car. What a weirdo.
I opened her car door and tapped her lightly on the shoulder, “Arianna wake up!” I whispered loudly, “Come on!” I shook her lightly and her head rolled unconsciously I paused for a second, “… wakey wakey?”
But she wasn’t going to wake up. Tears welled in my eyes when I saw the passenger side window propped open, a tube from the exhaust pipe ran through it… and then I noticed the engine rumbling quite alive.
And just like that I lost my sister, my guidance, my hope, my best friend. In a second. She was gone. Forever.
I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t talk or move and I could barely breathe at all. I wanted to ask her so many questions like, “Why didn’t you talk to me?” But I guess she couldn’t.
I turned off the car and took the key out of the ignition. The garage door started to rumble open and it made me jump and I started to cry. Really hard. When the door came all the way up I dropped the keys, ran out to the driveway and started banging on Mom’s car window. I needed her. My breathing was starting to falter and my knees were getting weak. My head was spinning and then…
* * * *
“Anika? Can you hear me?” I heard a faint voice call my name from above me. “Anika?”
I couldn’t really talk so I mumble a bit to let them know I’m alive. My eyes fluttered open and I saw that I wasn’t home. There’s an IV in my arm and a few people I didn’t recognize standing around me.
“Hey, sweetheart.” Mrs. Costa attempted a smile but I could see that she’d been crying the whole time. Her eyes are swollen and she looks worn.
Even though I knew where I was I decide to play stupid-hospital-patient and ask, “Where am I? What happened?”
“Another panic attack… but you wouldn’t wake up.” Mrs. Costa explained.
“Oh no! Oh no! What are you doing here?!” I asked, shooting up from the hospital bed almost tearing the IV from my arm.
“I… I’m here for you…” She stuttered, I guess I’d startled her.
“What about Arianna?! Where is she? What happened with her? Why aren’t you with her?” The image of her lifeless body in the driver’s seat of her car came to me again, and the tears came back too.
“I’ll explain everything later, after we’re out of here.” She said, turning away to sit down in a dark blue chair with wooden arms.
“It’s all your fault. Everything bad that’s happened lately is your fault. If you’d never pressed yourself upon these people and stayed in your own fucked up house Arianna might still be alive. You rotten girl. How will you ever live with yourself?” He hissed in my ear and I smelt him right before I saw a pair of vermilion eyes glowing in front of me.
“No! It’s not my fault! I didn’t know… I didn’t know! I swear I didn’t! I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to ruin everything… I’m so—” I was unaware of my screaming until the doctors and Mrs. Costa came rushing to my side. The doctors held down my arms and attempted to make me lie down while Mrs. Costa tried to come up with some comforting words. I stopped screaming but continued to cry. I didn’t know what else to do. Or say. I didn’t know how to feel. What did normal people do in these situations?
“You don’t deserve to be here. You killed her.” I heard him again, and then the eyes disappeared.